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November 22, 2000

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[The scene fades into the HWF Commissioner Corner studio, as lightly over the background the song "Clubbed to Death" by Rob D is playing, the lights fade from black as a voice over is heard.]

Voice Over: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome the host of Commissioner's Corner - Your Canadian Commissioner, Shawn Collins!

Shawn Collins: Toronto... welcome back to Commissioner's Corner! I believe this is the first time I'm hosting again since I was sick in bed... and those idiots Chaz and Insomnia took it over!

[The crowd has a mixed reaction to Shawn and what he's saying.]

Shawn Collins: Anyways, today we have a special guest... the HWF Vice President, and a good friend of mine - Bisc Limpkit!

[As Collins finishes, Bisc's cue, his theme music "Second Skin (New Flesh)" by Skinlab (Which SHOULD be on the HWF Music CD) hits, and Bisc comes out, to a ROAR from the lovely Canadian fans.]

Bisc Limpkit: Greeting Shawnography, how are you on this pleasent Canadian evening?

Shawn Collins: Pretty good Biscuit... how's life?

Bisc Limpkit: Hey, aren't you going to offer me a seat?

Shawn Collins:I don't just give seats away! That's only for our 50th guest!

Bisc Limpkit" You Cockfuck, don't be smart ass...you're stealing my job.

Shawn Collins: Chillax shitlips... sit your ass down.

Bisc Limpkit:Okay, ya damn impatient Monkeytit!

Shawn Collins:Fucking cockape!

Bisc Limpkit: I think we should ask the audience......right? Who's the biggest Pigturd out of us two?!

Shawn Collins: Yeah, let's ask them, fuckface!

Bisc Limpkit: Alright turdmantis....let's DO IT!!

Shawn Collins: Alright folks... who is the bigger pigturd between us? This donkeydick...?

[The crowd pops a little.]

Shawn Collins: Or me?

[The crowd goes wild.]

Shawn Collins: Okay... I may be the pigturd... but at least I'm not a queerbait!

[The crowd pops louder than they did before.]

Bisc Limpkit: That's right Collins, today has been deemed "Shawn Collins equals Pigturd Day", but it's also been deemed "Canadian Audiences Suck fuck, day", why? Because you can't even cheer for YOUR Canadian Commissioner, Shawn Collins.

[The Crowd, like on puppet strings, begin to boo out Bisc and Collins, even throwing articles of mass destruction on stage, like Cups and Food.]

Shawn Collins: You know, I agree with you completely, Bisc... They just don't appreciate either of us!

Bisc Limpkit Agreed, are you even Canadian? With people like this as your relatives, I don't know how you can live.

Shawn Collins: Hey man... it's only these folk that don't like me. You see me walking down the street and they all be like "OH MY GOD! SHAWN CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!?"

Bisc Limpkit Hey, I suppose, I just think these fans aren't REAL Canadians, real Canadian's soooooooo totally reek of....of.....of....non-ludicrosity !!!

Shawn Collins: Yeah! They so totally rule of kick asstessness!!

[Shawn raises his hand in the air for Bisc to give him a high five. Bisc returns the Edge and Christian-ism, as they sooo reek of awesomness. Soon after High-Fiving, they both pull out huge goggles, and place them over their eyes.]

Bisc Limpkit: Whoa!! I feel, I feel......AWESOME!!!

Shawn Collins: I'm so high with awesomenisity!

Bisc Limpkit: I've been put through the awesome-o-matic and hung on to dry on the awesomeline!

Shawn Collins: I feel like I've been hit with the awesome-stick!

Bisc Limpkit: Well, well, I've fucked Ms Awesome......uggg.....sorry Mike, didn't mean to!

Shawn Collins: I ate an apple from the awesome tree!

Bisc Limpkit: Actually, I think Mike Awesome was stalking me the other night, you reckon it could be coz I fucked his bitch? Are we fucking aloud to use fucking explicitives on this show? All these questions and more on....

Shawn Collins: Will the fucking censors do something about this fucking fucked up talk show? Will they... ahhh fuck it! Goddamn neverending questions. Hey, that would be a cool gimmick. A guy who only asked questions!

Bisc Limpkit: Why?

Shawn Collins: Cause he'd never have to give any answers! He'll always be asking questions!

Bisc Limpkit: Why?

Shawn Collins: But I guess he'd be fucking annoying... and I'd have to tell security to use some bamboo sticks to knock some sense back into his retarted head!

Bisc Limpkit: Wh...I get it, you're talking about me, right? Why are people so unkind?! If it was ANYONE else who just said that to me, I'd have to kick some ressssssspect into them.

Shawn Collins: Maybe I should kick some brains into you! You cannot kick respect into people... you cant kick inanimate things! You can teach them respect... with your FISTS!

Bisc Limpkit: Like I've been doing to Claire? She's "loosened" up since I've been fisting her...that kinda thing?

Shawn Collins: Exactly! See? That's the kinda "teaching" I'm talking about!

Bisc Limpkit: Speaking of which, Claire Matthews is here this evening, she's probably tied up and occupied with something else out back though.

Shawn Collins: Rope? Tape? Electric Fence? Guard Dogs?

Bisc Limpkit: Um, Random Weapon of the Week?

Shawn Collins: Ahhhhh....

[Shawn points his finger at Bisc.]

Shawn Collins: I getcha!

Bisc Limpkit: Yes, she's brushing up up on her Year 11 Math....WAIT...

[Bisc points his finger at Shawn.]

Bisc Limpkit:You meant the....THE......THE....you devil you, horny little bitch!!!

Shawn Collins: Nooo! Of course I meant the Grade 11 Math Text Book! Which is in fact The Weapon Of The Week!

Bisc Limpkit:Oh, so you weren't meaning the Dildo? Damn, you're confusing me with all these subliminal messeges. Anyway, what's in store for this show? We just gunna call each other cumtits, or is this going to have a reason?

Shawn Collins: Hey! Subliminal messages! That reminds me of that episode of the Simpsons... remember it? When Bart was writing on the board in the beginning of the show, and he wrote "I Will Not Write SubliminAL MessaGOREs On The Board." Hahahahahaha! Remember that? Or don't you get Simpsons in Aussie Land?

Bisc Limpkit:Dick. Of course we do. And I feel that the episode featuring the way our Toilet water spins, is WRONG. it's WRONG, and it's RACIST. Why? Eh, dunno, just fuckin' whicha. Yeah, we get it here, along with South Park, etc, etc, Collin's Sux, and now the HWF.

Shawn Collins: Yeah?! We used to get Bisc's Limp Kit down here too... but they took it off the air cause it got less ratings than Homicide On Seseme Street!

Bisc Limpkit:Wow, aren't you funny? Picking the SWF, eh? You want some truth, the reason I, I, I, took the SWF away, is because Trey hired your ass, that's it, yeah, you want some, huh, bitch!?

[Bisc starts to laugh, as does Collins]

Bisc Limpkit: This show totally reeks of Sweetness.

Shawn Collins: Hey man, I was just about to make my wrestling debut there, and I was gonna boost your ratings to shit you've never seen! Remember that whole "Showtime" deal at the Pay Per View? See the ratings go UUUUPP?

Bisc Limpkit" We had no ratings, that's why It was my decision to :shut that hole down. How can you have ratings, when your Pay Per View, No turning Back, is like, 2 weeks late?! It was fucked, I'm glad that place is dead.

Shawn Collins: Nah... I think you shut it down cause you were scared! Scared that Shawn Collins would get more camera time than you. Well, I don't blame ya. I mean, who wouldn't want to look at me?

Bisc Limpkit:99% of the World's population, including your parents. But that's beside's the point. SWF sucks, it WOULDN'T of, that was Trey's problem, it was HIS fed, he signed me on to the deal. I copped all the shit from our wrestlers, it wasn't fair. He was never around to accept responsibility, and your'e saying I'm the bad guy in this?! I get the heat?! The fans hate ME?! This is fucked, it's Trey fault, and I've taken his non-girlfriend and I'm going to make her my Bitch, and she likes it. Trey's fault. Period.

Shawn Collins: I hope you are all hearing this! Trey is not your lovable huggable Former World Champion. No. He's the cause of everyone's saddness! He's the cause of Bisc's saddness. He's the cause of my chocolate milk getting sour ! He's the cause of Bisc's hatred... and Bisc is angry. When Bisc gets angry... people DIE!!! Austin Powers so totally reeks of awsomness!

[Bisc stands up, as some 70's Austin Power's music hits. He starts doin' the twirly hand dance, before realising it's friggen' gay. So he sits back down.]

Shawn Collins: How many gay pills did you take today?

Bisc Limpkit: I think I took your prescription, why?

Shawn Collins: That wasn't my perscription! The pharmacist told me you forgot to pick em up... and I forgot to give em to you!

Bisc Limpkit: Oh my, Lamest joke of the night goes to you, Shawn Cumstickle Collins, right peoples?

[The crowd Cheer and Boo, for Collins's come back was very bad.]

Shawn Collins: So I choked... eat me, cuntcheese!

Bisc Limpkit: Oh my, Best New Word of the day goes to Shawn, CUNTCHEESE!!!!! OH MY!! That's fucking funny.

Shawn Collins: Hahahahahaha! Well folks, stay tuned... we'll be back after these short messages.

[Commercials - Live In December, it's HWF's Holy Night....stay tuned to HWF TV for the Card..soon.]

Shawn Collins: We're back on Commish's Corner. And now we're gonna discuss the Wrestlers Of The Week.

Bisc Limpkit: Who?

Shawn Collins: The Wrestlers Of The Week!

Bisc Limpkit: What are they?

Shawn Collins: Blackjack, Phoenix and ugghh... Michael Trey. The fans voted for them, not me!

Bisc Limpkit: **Bisc Laughs** Oh my, you answered my "What are they" question, not who. Trey, Phoenix and Blackjack are soooo gunna kick your ass.

Shawn Collins: How about I kick your ass?!

[Bisc stands up, and turns away from Collins, with a pissed off look in his eye. He then bends over and exposes his white and bare ass to Collins, and the whole world, before he pulls 'em back up, and resumes his position at the chair.]

Bisc Limpkit: You were saying?

[Shawn slaps his forehead.]

Shawn Collins:This show gets a more mature rating every day... We stopped letting in people under 18... in a couple of weeks, we wont be letting in people under 25 or over 60! You'll scare em, or give em all a heartattack!

Bisc Limpkit:Hey, if you don't like my bare ass, fine....I like my ass, it's firm, and it's tone..... **breaks into song** "I'm an Ass man..duh duh...I'm an ass man..duh duh"

Shawn Collins: No... you're more like an assmouth... jerk!

Bisc Limpkit:Look here Jerky, You come out here, each and every week, running your mouth about how Bisc limpkit is a assmouth, and a cuntcheese... well, the Bisc says...SHUT YOUR MOUTH JABRONI before, the Bisc, well, the get's Rowdy...**breaks into song** YA gettin' ROWDY, YA gettin' Rowdy! It's True!

Shawn Collins: Dude!! You just combined 3 different wrestler gimmicks into one! That so totally reeks of... well it reeks of something!

Bisc Limpkit: Stanktitude?

Shawn Collins: No... I was thinking more along the lines of blue cheese... but Stanktitude is cool!

Bisc Limpkit:Reeks like Trey's breath?

Shawn Collins: Whoa! Don't take it too far!

Bisc Limpkit: Okay, how the hell did we end up talking about this crap anyway?! We supposed to be talking about Wrestler, Wrestlers of the Week...damn you and your sidetracktidness!

Shawn Collins: I was just about to tell you the exact same thing!

Bisc Limpkit:Were you now? Anyway, where's the service around here? I want a Soda.....

[Shawn opens his ice box and pulls out two sodas. He gives one to Bisc and takes one for himself.]

Shawn Collins: Soda's totally rule!

Bisc Limpkit: SODA'S RULE!!!

[Bisc puts his hand up for a high five this time, Shawn gives Bisc the high five, and fixes his goggles.]

Shawn Collins: Anyways, back to topic - Blackjack, Phoenix and Michael Trey!

[Bisc fixes his goggles too, and un-fogs them, as they're starting to fog up.]

Bisc Limpkit: Yes, let's start with Phoenix. Phoenix totally reeks of Hardcoritis. Do you think we've said Reeks too much tonight?

Shawn Collins:Yeah, I think we have... ummm... Phoenix is totally diagnosed with hardcoritis!! Yeah!!

Bisc Limpkit: Diagnosed, that word is soooooooo struck with coolosity! Anyway, Phoenix.....how hot has he been recently? And what about his match with that forgotten bastard?

Shawn Collins: His match with who?

Bisc Limpkit: I dunno, I think it's some up and coming star from the HWF powerplant. He gets over by claiming he's a pyro, and doing two moves, and, well, did I mention fire?

Shawn Collins: Hahahaha! Hey! I so got a cool joke. Wanna hear it?

Bisc Limpkit: Do I really have an option?

Shawn Collins: What do you get when Phoenix falls off a scaffold?

Bisc Limpkit:Um, lots of cheers?

Shawn Collins:No! A Phoenix Down! Hahahahaha!

Bisc Limpkit: A what?! Man, that sucked Trey sized nuts.

Shawn Collins: Don't you get it you retard? Phoenix Down... an item from RPGs! It revives one character! You suck!

Bisc Limpkit: RPG, what? Videogames I doubt. OOOOOOH, fuck, I remember now. Shit, Phoenix Down, I played Final Fantasy before. Damn you Collins for makin' me look bad.

Shawn Collins: Everyone take a moment... and pity Bisc...

Bisc Limpkit: Hey, don't Pity me, Pity you....we've like got no time left on this show, and we haven't talked about anything.

Shawn Collins: So? These people don't need to know shit! All they need to know is that it's because of us that all those idiots like Trey, Sterling and Starr are where they are! We make stars! And we can break stars. That's what they need to know!

Bisc Limpkit:Eh, anyway, to clarify...for the thick...Trey, Phoenix and Blackjack all got equal votes from the HWF fans, and are collectively "Wrestler" of the week.

Shawn Collins: Yeah... anyways... we'll be back after this break. When we come back, we'll breifly talk about the events at Reckless Behavior, and finish off with our Best Of The Week.

[Commercials. Saturday Suicide: Live from Canton Ohio, check details on www.hard2thecore.com]

Bisc Limpkit:And we're back, and, well, what now?

Shawn Collins: We've already discussed Bisc's motivation for the events that took place prior to and during the main event of Reckless Behavior. Now, everyone must be wondering "Why the hell did Shawn Collins help Blackjack?!"

Bisc Limpkit: Um, well, yeah, I think they are...right?

Shawn Collins: It doesn't matter... cause I ain't telling them tonight anyways! They all see the exterior. Blackjack and I have had a grudge against each other ever since the first Commissioner's Corner. I've had his ass arrested, I've stripped him of the Canadian Title, and dished out multiple tricks to keep him "pissed off" at me. However, that is the exterior. I'm not saying anything else. If these people want to know why... then they should watch Saturday Suicide this Saturday at 9:00pm EST on HWF-TV.

Bisc Limpkit: ARGH, noooo the suspense is killing me. Actually, it isn't, because I know why. Anyway, Reckless Behavior seriously kicked some ass....so we better finish off with the Corner Poll.

Bisc Limpkit: answers that are directed at Reckless Behavior. Collins, you've got the answers there, right?

Shawn Collins:Yes I do!

[Drum roll.]

Shawn Collins: The Overall Reckless Behavior Rating: 10 Out Of 10!

Wrestlers Of The Week: Phoenix, Blackjack and Michael Trey

Bisc Limpkit: Dickhead, they already know that!

Shawn Collins: Highlight Of The Week: Blackjack Winning The World Title.

Shut up Bisc, and let me do my damn job!

Bisc Limpkit: ....sag

Shawn Collins:...bitch!

Bisc Limpkit: ...cuntfuck

Shawn Collins: .... yes, actually... that sounds just about right!

[Bisc grinds his teeth.]

Shawn Collins: Match Of The Week: Michael Trey vs. Phoenix

Move Of The Week: Vic Williams' Swanton Bomb Off The HWF-Tron

Quote Of The Week: Jeff: HHOLY FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING FUCK FUCK, argh FUCK FUCKING FUCK SHIT COCK! That was fucking pyscho, Phoenix SHOULD be dead, if he was damn human!

Surprise Of The Week: The Men In Black Revelation

Promo Of The Week: Phoenix's 'The All Consuming Fire' and Michael Trey's 'A Moment Of Acknowledgement'

Song Of The Week: 'Fame' by DMX (Blackjack)

And you all know The Random Weird Ass Weapon Of The Week: The Grade 11 Math Text Book!

Bisc Limpkit: As if, it twas the Dildo, he's lying to you .

Shawn Collins:No I'm not! Why the hell would I lie about something like that?

Bisc Limpkit: I dunno you stupid anal invader!

Shawn Collins:...fuckshit.

Bisc Limpkit: ....frogfeaces.

Shawn Collins:...cumspew.

Bisc Limpkit: ....clittylitter.

Shawn Collins:...jizzmiester.

Bisc Limpkit: ....pissflap.

Shawn Collins:...cowblowa!

Bisc Limpkit: ....assbandit.

Shawn Collins:...four assed rapist fire breathing monkey!

Bisc Limpkit: ....three-toed Albanian short haired tree sloth's fly infested chunky pile of SHIT!

Shawn Collins:Eh! Fuck this, we're outta time!!! Catchya's next week on MY Corner!

Bisc Limpkit: Later fuckers!

[The Corner fades out as Bisc and Collins continue laughing at each other, after HWF Crew have faded it out completely.....the set of the corner re-appears a good 10 minutes later. Bisc has got his gear, and heads out the exit, oblivious to a nearby cameraguy taping this footage. As he walks out, you see a lady, who looks remarkably to a Clair Matthews who is gagged and handcuffed behind her back. You heard muffled screams as Bisc chucks "The Woman" up on his shoulder and slaps her on the ass as her eyes widen, he laughs. He then leaves the building as the camera fades for good.]