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November 8, 2000

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[The scene opens up in the familiar Commishs Corner setting in Toronto, Ontario, Canada with the fans chanting "Col-lins Col-lins Col-lins" hoping that their Canadian Commish is going to be coming back after his week of being gone with the flu. Then "Don't Go Off Wandering" by Limp Bizkit plays as the fans looked puzzled, they are looking at each other with blank stares. Then out from behind the set and onto the stage is.....Insomnia?!?! Whats Insomnia doing out here? Insomnia is in his normal clothes, black t-shirt with torn-up jeans also having a plaid shirt tied around his waist, not dressed up at all for being on the Commishs Corner. Insomnia puts his hands in his pockets and looks into the crowd as the boos echo throughout.]

Insomnia: Thank you, thank you all for that warm welcome. For all of you Canadian asses out there who were hoping Collins was going to show up....

[Fans boo, standing up for their Commish.]

Insomnia: ...he's not. Instead he's in bed at home, jacking off to fellow Canadian Tom Green trying to get over breast cancer or something. So guess who the god damn front offices decided to throw in as a host? Me. So look guys, don't get the wrong impression, I really don't want to be here, the only reason I'm here is cause it would have cost me my job if I didn't come so feel lucky, feel damn lucky that Insomnia is hosting Commishs Corner this week, in fact, we should rename the damn show this week. Hang on.

[Insomnia goes fishing in his pockets and he pulls out a can of spray paint. Insomnia walks over to where the "Commishs Corner" sign is and looks at it for a moment. Insomnia goes back into his pockets and this time pulls out duct tape. Where the hell is he getting this stuff from? Anyway, Insomnia take the duct tape and makes a large X over the word Commish and with the spray paint he writes "Insomnia's" making the sign read "Insomnia's Corner". Insomnia turns back around looking satisfied. The fans boo at Insomnia for changing the name of their popular talk show.]

Insomnia: Once again, all you can do is boo when I am talking, why is that? I don't know. But anyway, we have a great show for you tonight, I'm here and thats all you need to lets go ahead and get this damn thing going.

["Californacation" by Red Hot Chili Peppers plays as Insomnia walks over to his desk. Insomnia takes a seat and waves to the crowd, who is still booing him but he doesn't seem to mind. Insomnia takes a sip of his coffee before he begins to speak.]

Insomnia: All right folks, we're ready to start. Now listen up, I don't want to do this, I've already gone over this, but since I'm here I might as well do this right. So look what I did. I went onto the streets here in this Toronto place and asked people about the HWF, but mostly about me cause hell, I'm better than all over the HWF anyway so I figured they would much rather answer questions about Insomnia than they would about any of you HWF inbreeds. So lets go to the film, this is a little something I like to call "Questions For Those Queer Canadians."

[The crowd boos as just about everybody in the crowd is form Canadian so they don't like how they are begin treated tonight. Then a graphic comes up on the screen that says "Questions For Queer Canadians" written in big, red, bold letters. Then a gunshot noise is hear as the letters began to become liquid and roll down the screen. The scene then cuts to the streets of Ontario, Canada where Insomnia is standing in front of a camera with a women about 17 years old, very beautiful, blonde, looks like she could be dumb though. Insomnia starts asking her questions.]

Insomnia: All right, whats your name?

Nancy: My names Nancy.

Insomnia: God I'm sorry, you weren't the one Sid Vicious killed, was it?

Nancy: Who's Sid Vicious?

Insomnia: Nevermind then, let me ask you some questions.

Nancy: All right.

Insomnia: Who is the current HWF champion?

Nancy: Oh man, ummmm, my brother is like totally a huge wrestling fan, he like told me this the other day, was it like Jayson Starr?

Insomnia: Very good, very good. Now who is going to be the next HWF Hardcore Champion?

Nancy: Whoa, thats like totally harder than the last one. I don't know, I think Phoenix can kick anybody's button really.

Insomnia: No little girl, it's ME! I'M GOING TO BE THE NEXT HWF HARDCORE CHAMPION!

Nancy: Your a wrestler?

[The scene then cuts away to Insomnia and an older man, probably around 60 years old.]

Insomnia: All right pops, whats you name?

Drew: WHAT'S MY NAME!.....MY NAME IS DREW!

[This older man just started singing "What's My Name" by DMX. Insomnia looks confused by continues on.]

Insomnia: Only in Canada, anyway Drew....

Drew: My names not Drew.

Insomnia: But you just told me your name was Drew.

Drew: Well now it's Jackadrew.

Insomnia: Jackadrew?

Jackadrew: Yeah, Jackadrew, I just messed up.

Insomnia: All right, can I get on with this Jackadrew?

Jackadrew: My names not Jackadrew.

Insomnia: What the....thats what you just told me it was pops, are you making me look stupid here?

Jackadrew: My names Milli Vanilli.

[The scene now goes to a man about 25 years of age who is a nice, clean man, looks better than the last guy.]

Insomnia: All right Canadian, whats your name?

David: David Talbert's the name, and how about you, are you a movie star or something?

Insomnia: What the hell...no, I'm Insomnia, HWF wrestler, who the hell did you think I was?

David: I don't know, I was thinking you were that Cameron Diaz chick.

Insomnia: How in the hell can you confuse me with an angel?

David: I'm drunk.

Insomnia: And that would do it.

[The scene goes back to Jack, or Jackadrew, or whatever his name is.]

Jackadrew: My name's Nelly.

Insomnia: Can I ask you some wrestling questions now?

Jackadrew: Sure, go ahead chief.

Insomnia: Look, shut the hell up, I'm going to ask you questions about wrestling and you are going to answer them, all right?

Jackadrew: Bingo.

Insomnia: All right, now who is this man.

[Insomnia hold up a picture of himself.]

Jackadrew: Oh man, I know who that is, is that Cameron Diaz?

Insomnia: What the fuck is with me and Cameron Diaz.

Jackadrew: Well with your long hair you sorta look like a girl.

Insomnia: Are you drunk too?

Jackadrew: Sure am.

[Insomnia is now leaning against a brick wall talking into the camera.]

Insomnia: Listen up, we haven't got very far with asking these asshole Canadians about wrestling, so instead we are only going to ask them one question and then we are going to leave, and what is that question? Are you drunk?

[Insomnia goes up to a women about 30 years old.]

Insomnia: Are you drunk?

Women: Yes.

[Insomnia is now standing next to a little boy looking about 13 years old.]

Insomnia: Are you drunk?

Little Boy: Yes

[Insomnia is now standing next to a women in a wheelchair with a shower cap on her head and she is still in her bathrobe. She has to be at least 100 years old.]

Insomnia: Are you drunk?

Old women: Fuck yeah!

[The scene goes back to Insomnia's Corner studios. Insomnia is now sitting behind his desk. The camera zooms in on Insomnia.]

Insomnia: Well I hope you didn't like that, I hope it was a waste of your f*cking life because I know my entire life has been a waste. Look, we got to go to a commercial or some shit so we'll be back soon.

[Commercial]

[The scene opens back up with Insomnia sitting at his desk, the same way before we went to commercial.]

Insomnia: Hope those commercials were also a waste of your f*cking life too. This HWF thing is the only thing making up for my life. When I got accepted, believe it or not I was damn happy. Why was I happy? Because I knew I was going to kick complete ass, I knew I was going to kick everybody's ass. I was going to the greatest. I was going to go down as a legend here in the HWF. My name was going to be put into the record books for everything you can think of. Most injuries, most injuries given, most title reigns, most wins, but see, I knew I was going to do all of that, I just didn't care. I didn't care that I knew I was going to become the greatest wrestler in HWF history, it didn't bother me that my name, Insomnia, was going to be associated with greatness. I am secure enough with knowing how great I am and how great I am going to be and I am not letting that go to my head, not one bit.

[Insomnia now gets up from the desk and starts walking around the stage area as the fans are listening closely to what Insomnia is saying.]

Insomnia: You know it's funny really, growing up on the streets all by myself, not knowing what is going to happen next, not knowing if you are going to live to see the next day of your life, not knowing if you are going to be able to find food that day, or week, or even month cause thats how long you would go with suffering, thats how long you would go without anybody there because we would all branch out and live for ourselves because if we didn't then we would die and we would be eaten by the rats, just like I saw some of the closest friends I had back then die but it didn't matter to me cause I knew I was still alive, I survived another day of the streets, and nobody was going to bring me down. My name, Insomnia, known with the greatness.

[The crowd is now in complete silence, looking at Insomnia, feeling what he went threw as a child.]

Insomnia: Now I'm not asking for your guys pity, hell, you Canadians are the scum or the earth as far as I am concerned.

[The crowd boos again as they know Insomnia can't for one stop blaming the crowd for his past.]

Insomnia: But look, I need to get these words out to the Hardcore Champion, Phoenix. A week or so ago Phoenix I won a four way match that said that since I won the match, I would get a shot at your Hardcore Title at a later date. This is that later date. Even though just a few short days ago I was set on fire and you were at home laughing your ass off that I was on fire thinking you had it so easy now, I have been beat up and caught on fire just a week before, there is no possible way on earth that he would be able to beat me just seven days after being caught on fire and take my Hardcore Title away from me. Phoenix, I don't think I have ever meet a person with no balls that holds that Hardcore Title, you don't even deserve it...

[Then the crowd starts to cheer a bit. Insomnia looks confused at why they are cheering for him all of a sudden. Then Insomnia turns around to see that they aren't cheering for him, they are cheering for the Hardcore Champion who has just showed up to stop Insomnia from talking smack about him. Phoenix is standing on the side of the stage and is wearing his black Zero t-shirt and a pair of black corduroy pants. He has a mic in one hand and the HWF Hardcore Championship Belt in the other.]

Phoenix: I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Insomnia: Hey, Phoenix, get the hell outta here, this is my show, my time, you'll get your own time later.

Phoenix: Insomnia: you shut up and listen to what I have to say and then I'll let you talk, aight?

[Insomnia looks outraged at Phoenix coming out here during his show. But Insomnia goes ahead and listens to him and what he has to say.

Phoenix: Now as I was saying, I can't believe what I'm hearing. You get the chance to host your own show for a week so that you can say some shit about me like how I have no balls. If the fact that you're doing this when you know I'm not supposed to be here shows how much of a man you really are, maybe I will have an easy time this Saturday. I mean you come out here act brave now, but how will it be when we're hanging 15 or 20 feet above a cold, unfeeling steel ramp? What will be running through your mind when you know that one of us is going to crashing down to an almost certain injury below?

[Phoenix drops the belt and starts to slowly walk toward Insomnia until they get face to face. Insomnia holds his ground, shooting an almost evil glance at Phoenix.]

Phoenix: And to make matters worse, you won't shut up about these fans. These people are the HWF and you need them. No matter what happens, it is these people who come and pay to watch us beat the hell out of each other that make us who we are. Maybe you don't see it this way, but I do. Sure, maybe you're right and I don't deserve that belt, but as long as I have it, I'm not letting it go. As long as I can carry it to the ring with me, I know that I represent all these people and I've giving them the excitement that they want. They know that in each of my matches, someone could get hurt. Maybe it's me and maybe it's who I'm fighting, but there's always that chance and that's what they want to see. So you say what you want, but remember this. This Saturday in Barrington, Illinois is the first time that I know I want to win my match, no matter what. I may be an undeserving and poor excuse for a hardcore champ, but you my friend, are just a disgrace to the HWF and that belt will never be around your waist. So three days from today, I will make sure that your ass gets tossed off that scaffold, no questions asked. Of course, maybe I should prove that I can beat your ass right now.

[Insomnia's grin grows on his face as the two men are still face to face. The crowd is cheering for Phoenix to kick Insomina's ass since Insomnia has been making fun of them the entire program.]

Insomnia: Are you finished now? Cause I've got a few things to say.

Phoenix: Go ahead.

[As Phoenix finishes his last few words there Insomnia punches Phoenix right in the mouth. Phoenix is now bent over a little bit holding his jaw, but then in a lighting quick motion Phoenix gets up and drills Insomnia in the mouth with a punch of his own. The crowd goes crazy seeing somebody stand up to Insomnia. Insomnia and Phoenix then charge each other and start pounding on each other like crazy! Insomnia and Phoenix are just tied up together, throwing punches at each other trying to hurt the other one. Security comes out to try and break it up but they can't. After about thirty seconds of this security finally pulls then apart but Insomnia and Phoenix attack the security guards! Knocking all of them down. Insomnia knocked all of his guys down but Phoenix was still trying to get his security guards of off him. So Insomnia goes under his desk and pulls out a.....dictionary? Insomnia has the dictionary in his hands and is waiting for Phoenix to turn around. Phoenix does and bam! Phoenix is down! Insomnia opens up the book to reveal that this isn't an ordinary dictionary, but on the inside it has no pages, just a brick that is now in dozens of pieces! The security guards come back and restrain both Phoenix and Insomnia so they can't get at each other. Phoenix is taken off the stage as we go to commercial.]

[Commercial]

[Insomnia is sitting back at his desk with what looks like a small black eye from the fight that went on between him and Phoenix. Insomnia looks very mad at what has happened here as he is going to try and speak. The crowd is chanting "Into-The-Ashes *Clap clap clap clap clap*" over and over again trying to get on Insomnia's nerves.]

Insomnia: Yeah, chant all you want. Chant ALL you want cause I don't care what you guys do anymore. All I care about is this Saturday at Suicide, Insomnia vs. Phoenix, Hardcore Title on the line. More pride than any match I have ever had before will be at stake. I will dominate in this match, this match will be mine and the belt. From what you just saw, Phoenix, you are going to have a long, long night.

[Insomnia finishes and clears his throat, rubbing his eye a little bit starts to speak again.]

Insomnia: So Phoenix, in honor of our little match that is going to be going down here in a few days, I have prepared a top ten list during the commercial break.. And the category? The top ten reasons Insomnia is going to beat Phoenix for the Hardcore Title.

10. Insomnia grew up on the streets, Phoenix grew up in a trailer which hey, is better than a cardboard box so you'd better not be complaining.

9. I've fallen from so many high places, falling from where that scaffold is doesn't scare me at all, does it scare you Phoenix?

8. I'm a helluva better talk show host than Phoenix

7. My childhood I had to survive on the streets, I never had anything handed to me, never once. I had to work for everything I've got in my life, have you Phoenix?

6. Phoenix fights like a girl.

5. Phoenix is an overcocky, son of a bitch that will find his time to die this Suicide.

4. Insomnia is better looking, smarter, cooler, and just a damn better wrestler.

3. Did I say that Phoenix fights like a girl?

2. Phoenix doesn't have the BALLS to wait until Saturday, he thought he could come on my show and dominate, well, he's dead wrong.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON PHOENIX IS GOING TO LOSE HIS HARDCORE TITLE TO INSOMNIA IS.....

1. The 'Zero' written on Phoenix's t-shirt stands for zero skills, zero talent, zero life. ZERO TITLES.

Insomnia: All right, screw it, you get the point Phoenix, I'm better than you in every way shape or form so I don't want you crying or moaning when I take that Hardcore Title away from you cause hell, it's my job.

Insomnia: Well we only have a few minutes left of this show.....thank god......and I'm outta shit to do. I only had a day to prepare, give me a break, I'm not god or anything. At least I'm not THE God, I might be a minor god but I'm pretty sure I'm not the head God. Anyway, to wrap up this edition of Insomnias Corner, last night I was messing around with some old HWF videos and I decided to throw together a little documentary about the HWF, it's past, and some of the greatest matches in its history. So without further ado, roll that sum of a bitch.

[The first image shows the Saturday Suicide image. Then in the background "Don't Go Off Wandering" by Limp Bizkit begins to play and a picture of Insomnia shows up. The Insomnia image is now standing next to the Saturday Suicide image. The Insomnia image then picks up the Suicide image and breaks it over his knee.]

Insomnia: See, that is one of the greatest wrestlers that will ever be right there, Insomnia!

[Now the background behind this Insomnia image is the American Flag. Insomnia has his hands on his hips and is looking into the air. Then the flag catches on fire as the Insomnia image just stays there, doing nothing but looking straight ahead. Then once the flag is burnt away Insomnia is wrestling in his Flaming Tables Match.]

Insomnia: Now there was one huge battle, one that will go down in the record books as my second win and a great defeat for me, making my record over .500.

[With the fans now booing Insomnia, it shows Insomnia on fire after he went threw the table just a few days ago. The crowd starts cheering as Insomnia is set on fire.]

Insomnia: Yes, but see, the fire felt good on me, it felt refreshing because normally your body is at 98.6 degrees, that warmed me up a little bit on that cold November night.

[Now it shows Insomnia pinning Trevor Lasek in his first victory with Insomnias hand being raised as the victor.]

Insomnia: There was my first win here in the HWF which I will always remember, you should remember it too because it was a soon to be HWF Champions first win against Trevor Lasek which earned me a chance at what I get this week.

[The video is now showing a close-up of Insomnia's face on the left side of the screen, and then on the right side of the screen their is a close-up of Phoenix's face. Then slowly coming down the screen, hanging from a Scaffold wire type object is the HWF Hardcore Championship Belt. It is just hanging their, slowly swinging in midair. The title belt then falls to the left side of the screen, where Insomnia is. Phoenix falls out of the picture and now it is a full-body shot of Insomnia with the Hardcore Title around his waist. Then in big bold letters it says "The End....For Phoenix."]

Insomnia: *Insomnia starts talking with a tear in his eye.* My god it's so great, it's just so damn great. But all kidding aside Phoenix, it's time to hang your boots up and time for Insomnia to take that Hardcore Title away from you cause hell, it's my time and Phoenix, even though we have had similar histories, our futures are no where close to being the same. So fans, thats it, it's over, I'm outta shit to present you ungrateful people so here is this favorite things that I have to do at the end of the show.

Wrestler Of The Week: Insomnia, that guys the shit.

Match Of The Week: Chris Thrilla vs. Kyle Corman vs. "THE SHIT" Insomnia, with Insomnia kicking ass of course.

Song Of The Week: "Country Grammer" by Nelly, cause I got a cousin named Belly so they are sorta alike.

Show Of The Week: Insomnia's Corner, did I say that guys the shit?

Promo Of The Week: Lets say we named on but we didn't, cause I don't feel like listening to you guys talk about shit that doesn't go towards me. With the word shit in mind.....have I said that that Insomnia guy is the shit yet?

Insomnia: Thats it, I'm done, now get the fuck outta my face! I'm never doing this again.

["Don't Go Off Wandering" by Limp Bizkit hits as the camera slowly fades away to blackness showing the NEW Insomnia's Corner logo, which we hopefully won't see again for a very, very long time.....]