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April 25th, 2001

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WARNING!! - The following program contains scenes of unedited vulgarity, and mature content. The HWF, Shawn Collins or any of his guests are not responsible for any disturbing images or comments you may be viewing or hearing. Please be advised that by continuing to watch this program, you are agreeing to this statement. Please also be advised that by continuing to watch this program, you are confessing to the world that you have been castrated 3 times, lived in a box for half your childhood, and ate elephant eggs for breakfast yesterday. Yes – ELEPHANT EGGS. So even if you are a three headed, homosexual, blind, disfigured, fire-breathing monkey... please enjoy the show, and don’t sue me... cause I’m beautiful!

Commissioner’s Corner – Tokyo, Japan – Wednesday, April 25, 2001.

Shawn: Welcome bakas! I am you KAMI-SAMA!

[The Japanese crowd boos Shawn Collins.]

Shawn: I'd like to welcome our guests. These two men have been at each other's throats since the day they've met... Jayson Starr and President Johnny Drake!

Johnny Drake: Shawn, how's things?

(done) Shawn: I'm pretty good, Drake... Jayson, how are you doing?

Starr: [leans back in the chair] Eh... I'm fine, I guess.

Johnny Drake: *glares at Starr* I bet you are...

Starr: *not even looking at Drake* Don't even start with me, bitch.

Shawn: Alright, alright. Just hold your horse there Starr. We don't want to start so early now, do we?

Starr: Whatever.

Shawn: Alright, so you two have been going back and forth for a few weeks now. I forgot how this even started!

Johnny Drake: I think it started at King of Violence last year, when Starr cheated a win from me.

Starr: Cheated?! I kicked your fuckin' ass fair and square, you little prick! If it wasn't for lawsuits and all that dumb shit, I woulda killed your ass.

Johnny Drake: Yeah, well that didn't stop you from trying two weeks ago? ... Did it, you ingrate?

Starr: What're you talking about? I was just test-driving that forklift for some construction dudes, and your piece of shit car happened to be in the way.

Johnny Drake: Yeah, very mature Starr... Keep it up and I'll send you back to the minors with Chris Goings.

Shawn: DRAKE! NEVER MENTION THAT NAME ON MY SHOW AGAIN!

Johnny Drake: I'm sorry, I'm sorry... but the guy tried to kill me.

Starr: Ugh...

Shawn: But... Chris Goings? Folks! Please keep watching! Chris Goings is NOT here! Stupid Starr. That's all your fault!

Johnny Drake: YEAH!

Starr: Sure is. If I woulda just KILLED Drake's stupid ass back at King of Violence, we wouldn't be going through this bullshit right now.

Johnny Drake: I am about two seconds away from burying you faster than the EPWA.

Shawn: Hey, I was in the EPWA!

Johnny Drake: Speaking of the EPWA, I had a gift for you that some EPWA fans may remember...

[Reaches around in pockets, trying to find something, as Collins and Starr watch on.]

Johnny Drake: Now, where is it... I had it when I left the house...

[Keeps searching pockets.]

Johnny Drake: Ah, there it is...

[Drake comes out from his pocket with his middle finger pointed directly at Starr.]

Shawn: HAHAHAHAHAA! Very nice, Drake. Very, very, classy!

[Shawn continues to laugh to himself.]

Starr: Yeah yeah.. fuck you too, Drake. *smirks* Still mad over that little Ares incident?

[Drake pauses, with a VERY pissed off look on his face.]

Johnny Drake: That's it, this shit needs to stop Starr. I'm sick of fucking bickering with you or stupid shit. One of us needs to leave... Me or you...

[Drake stares across at Starr, who stares back.]

Shawn: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What're you saying Drake?

Johnny Drake: I'm saying that it's time for The Hardcore Hero to learn his lesson. Just how should I go about this, though... Firing could get us sued, fines surely haven't done anything yet...

[Starr interrupts Drake.]

Starr: Hey, you think you're so fuckin' tough with your Inner Circle or whatever.. but you hide behind them. Why don't you try to shut me up yourself? You know what they say: If you want somethin' done right.... *smirks*

Johnny Drake: You have to fucking do it yourself...

[Gets up from seat, glaring down at Starr.]

Johnny Drake: Just because I haven't had a match in six months, doesn't mean I couldn't take you.

[Shawn sits back, lights a cigarette, and begins to munch on some popcorn.]

Shawn: Oh, please! Continue!

Starr: Take me? Hah! Bitch, you can't even take the TRASH out. What makes you think you can handle me? I've already kicked your ass multiple times, it'd be no different.

Johnny Drake: Beat my ass?

[Drake unbuttons his cuffs, and rolls his sleeves up a little.]

Shawn: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Drake, sit down!

Johnny Drake: No... I want to tell this kid something... Starr, I've fucking run this fed for eight or nine months now. During that time, I was also running the SWF as the World Champion. Hell, even when I was in the EPWA, I was running it... And the only thing that you're running... is your mouth.

Shawn: Okay...

[Shawn sits down. and continues to munch.]

Starr: Oh please. No one likes you anyway, Drake. You ain't runnin' nothin but two things: Jack and shit. And jack's dead.

Johnny Drake: Two words Starr... Try me.

Starr: Anytime, bitch.

Shawn: You know what... you guys may be going somewhere with this...

[Shawn gets up as if saying "Eureka".]

Shawn: You know how our ratings would skyrocket at Parade Of Cannibals? Drake?

[Jayson rests his hand on his fist, and listens.]

Johnny Drake: Gimmick Battle Royale?

Shawn: Gimmick Battle Royal? We could bring Rizzo back! But, no, that's not what I'm thinking!

Johnny Drake: What ARE you thinking then?

Starr: Yeah, Mankey. Spit it the fuck out already.

Johnny Drake: You shut the fuck up!

Starr: Make me.

[Shawn lifts his arms as if receiving a revelation.]

Shawn: Jayson Starr vs. Jonathan Drake...

[Jayson almost falls out of the chair laughing.]

Starr: AGAIN?!

Johnny Drake: And when I beat Starr?

[Drake keeps his eyes on Starr.]

Shawn: But it would need to be big! BIG! With a special guest ref... M...

[Suddenly, the sound of glass shattering drowns out everything else. Right after, the heavy guitar riff of Dope's "Debonaire" causes Collins to literally jump out of his seat. Lance Sterling, wearing an HWF t-shirt, sweat pants, and customary shades, steps onto the set of the Corner. He struts past the fuming Collins and takes a seat next to Jayson.]

Starr: Where the fuck did YOU come from?

Johnny Drake: Great...

Shawn: LANCE STERLING?! WHAT THE HELL? NOT AGAIN!

Sterling: I was out back, watchin' things. Felt that this dump needed my presence. Collins, shut up. You should be used to this by now.

[Shawn eats his popcorn and frowns.]

Johnny Drake: When the fuck did the wrestlers start running this fed? ... That's it, I'm canceling this show after this week...

Shawn: DRAKE! You can't do that!

Sterling: Hey, not my loss. You oughta know after all this time that I come and go where I please. It's good to see you too, ya jackass....

Shawn: Son of a bitch...

Starr: *grins* Not like it'd be much of a difference if this was gone.

Johnny Drake: Sterling, this is not the time for your little games.

Sterling: Who's playing games?

Johnny Drake: If I'm gonna beat Starr's ass, I don't want you standing over my shoulder.

Sterling: IF, being the key word there, Drake-o. But... I wanna hear more of this. Personally I'd love to see Jay kick your ass again. So, pretend I ain't here. Continue with this 'lil challenge.

Johnny Drake: Well, where were we anyway?

Starr: You were about to issue a challenge to a losing battle.

Shawn: No! We were signing Jayson Starr vs. Johnny Drake at PoC3... with ME as the Special Guest Ref!

Starr: YOU?!

Shawn: That's right! You got a problem Starr?

Sterling: Oh yeah, that'll be fair. [Sterling rolls eyes] Oh wait, I'm not here.

Starr: Yeah... you suck. You'd probably be too busy playing with castrated monkeys or something and not pay attention to the match.

Johnny Drake: Like Sterling could do any better?

Shawn: Oh, I'd pay attention. And I AM the Commissioner. So I guess, I can make these decisions. Can't I? So... what? Who else is going to be the ref? Sterling?

Starr: Sure, let Lance be ref. Personally, I couldn't care less whether it's Sterling... Collins.. or fuckin' Freddy Kreuger. I'ma kick Drake's punk ass... AGAIN... and there's no other way.

Sterling: Heh... ya pussy. You only want Collins as the ref because you know he's on your payroll.

[Drake glares at Sterling, and ponders his words for a moment.]

Johnny Drake: Fine... Fine, Lance... Collins, no offense to you, but I think I'm gonna take Sterling up on this one.

Shawn: What? Are you crazy! It's Lance "I hate Drake" Sterling!

[Sterling chuckles devilishly to himself after hearing Drake]

Starr: No.... that would be me.

Johnny Drake: I don't care, I'm still gonna beat Starr's ass. There's no doubting that...

Starr: So... you're gonna beat me, huh? Just HOW sure are you of that?

Johnny Drake: Well...

[Drake reaches into his pocket again.]

Johnny Drake: I actually do have something here...

[Drake comes out of his pocket, this time, with a key ring with a couple keys on it. The lights from the studio shine off the metal as he shows it to the other 3.]

Shawn: Drake.. what the hell?

Starr: ....da fuck are those to?

Johnny Drake: These are the keys to my office in Canton... The Presidential Office... I'm so confident I will beat your ass, even with Lance as the ref, that I will put up MY JOB as President.

Shawn: NOO!

Sterling: You'd WHAT?!

Starr: Hah!

Johnny Drake: What's so funny?

Starr: So, you're saying... that if I win.... I become president of the Hardcore Wrestling Federation? That's what you're sayin', right?

Shawn: Drake... you can't!

Sterling: Oh, but he just did! Hahaha!

Johnny Drake: Yes, that is what I am saying Starr. Even though the fed would go under in a month's time with you as the President, I'll take the risk...

[Shawn drops his jaw, and falls back into his seat. Sterling grabs the popcorn. Shawn just frowns at him as he lights a new cigarette.]

Starr: I'd rather have it die as a good fed run by me, than see it live as a shit-ass fed run by a scumfuck rat bastard like you. I accept your fuckin' challenge. Kiss your ass, and the HWF, goodbye.

[Drake shoves the keys back into his pocket.]

Johnny Drake: Sunday, Starr... I'll see your ass then...

[Before leaving, Drake rips off his mic and grabs a chair.]

Johnny Drake: And speaking of kissing things goodbye, Collins, you can kiss this show goodbye...

[Drake throws the chair at an adjacent cameraman. The camera immediately breaks, as they cut to a far away shot now. You see Drake makes his way through the back, as Sterling, Starr and Collins are left alone.]

Shawn: Drake! What the hell?! Inner Circle! Buddies! Fucking Sterling!!! See what you've done, you piece of shit?

Starr: I know you're not talking to me, Collins.

Shawn: I'm talking to Lance "Dumbfuck" Sterling! You suck even more than you suck cock! This is now the final Commissioner's Corner!

Sterling: Cry me a fuckin' river, Shawn.

Starr: It was better when we ran it, anyways.

Sterling: Hey, Shawn, maybe I'll give you a job with one of my studios. For an ignorant piece of shit, you ain't that half bad a host. [Sterling grins]

Shawn: Get the fuck off my show! You'll regret this!

[Jayson pulls his shades out of his pocket and puts them on his head, laughing.]

Sterling: No Shawn. YOU'LL regret this! Because once Jayson puts Drake away and becomes the new HWF President, you're next out the fuckin' door

[Shawn puts out his cigarette, and puts his head in his hands.]

Shawn: Get the fuck out!

Sterling: Yeah, Jayson. Let's get the fuck out of this dump. I think you and I should celebrate our victory.

Starr: Yeah.

[Jayson gets up, and walks off camera with Sterling as the show cuts to credits. The final credits.]