 April 9th, 2001 WARNING!! - The following program contains scenes of unedited vulgarity, and mature content. The HWF, Shawn Collins or any of his guests are not responsible for any disturbing images or comments you may be viewing or hearing. Please be advised that by continuing to watch this program, you are agreeing to this statement. Please also be advised that by continuing to watch this program, you are confessing to the world that you have been castrated 3 times, lived in a box for half your childhood, and ate elephant eggs for breakfast yesterday. Yes – ELEPHANT EGGS. So even if you are a three headed, homosexual, blind, disfigured, fire-breathing monkey... please enjoy the show, and don’t sue me... cause I’m beautiful! Commissioner’s Corner – Tokyo, Japan - Monday, April 9, 2001. Shawn: Ladies and gentlemen... I'm just here to inform you that you are all... Bakas! [The Japanese crowd begins to boo Collins.] Shawn: And since you have a limited vocabulary... I'm deciding to go to commercial RIGHT away, so that our guest could come on, and get out of this country ASAP! [The boos are louder this time and swamp the set as we cut to commercials.] [The curtain swings open and Blackjack walks through. No "Fame" by DMX in this entrance; must be serious. Blackjack is wearing khaki slacks and a tucked in grayish/brownish silk dress shirt. His hair is slicked down. There is a cell phone on his belt and a gold watch on his left hand. He is wearing black loafers on his shoes. He looks at the crowd and waves for a second. He then takes a seat next to Shawn.] Blackjack: Hi Shawn. Long time no see. Collins: It has been a while. Blackjack: How things been? Collins: Eh, not bad. I cant complain. Blackjack: Did you know that Canada gets all of the US's pollution? Collins: What?.........Didn't you have some announcement tonight? Blackjack: Yea, I got an announcement. It's a very important annoucement actually, one of the biggest of my career and you should be honored its being done on your show Shawn. Why it is being done on Commishioner's Corner will be stated later. Anyway... it is no secret that Blackjack has been on the back burner of things lately in the HWF. Alot of things were going on in my life. In early March another promotion entitled the CWL offered me a high priced long term deal, but I turned it down. I knew that if Blackjack was going to step into a wrestling ring, he'd step into a Hardcore Wrestling Federation ring. Blackjack: The HWF and I go way back. Even before you Shawn, even before Drake, and before Bisc. Before Sterling and before Starr. Before Trey and before alot of these other guys. The HWF is in my heart, the HWF is in my soul and I wouldn't trade in anything for the time I've put into my HWF career. It bought me fame and fortune. It bought me a house, it bought me a car, and it bought me the lifestyle I live and there is no way I can re-pay the HWF. I love the HWF and I love the people involved in it. Every week I come out in front of you people and yell at you and rant at you peopleand cursee at you people. But do you really think that that is the real Blackjack? Because it isn't. I am not the huge asshole I make myself out to be. Am I nice guy? No, not neccesarily. But I don't hate people for no reason. Blackjack: Anyway, as of now I am officially announcing my immediate retirement from Hardcore Wrestling Federation action effective immediatly. It's not that I don't like the HWF or wrestling in general. I love them both. The thing is, I don't have much drive anymore. I don't have the ambition. I've held the Hardcore, Canadian, and World titles before and there really isn't much more I can do here in the HWF. I feel that my time has passed and that it is time for me to step down. Competitors such as Chris Davison need their time to shine. We have such a striving roster in the HWF that it seems like the Blackjack character is no longer needed here, so I'm retiring. Blackjack: I know I've retired before, but this time I am for real. Johnathan Drake, I know you are watching, at least you should be you do own this company. I want to ask of you one favor. I want you to NEVER let me back in the HWF. Of course in a few months I will beg for my job back, but please Drake, do no let me back in. I want to retire, maybe take a seat in a staff position, and if I have earned it, stake my claim in the Hall Of Hardcore. You think I earned it Shawn? Collins: Hey man, you're a triple crown champion. If that's not enough to earn a spot, I don't know what is! Blackjack: I feel the same way. Collins: So, why'd you want to announce this on Commissioner's Corner? Blackjack: Well, as everyone knows my biggest accomplishment was the HWF World Heavyweight Title, and who helped me win it? Shawn: Aw... What a guy? It was my pleasure, man! Blackjack: I thought I owe it to ya. Ya know, bring up these WCW style ratings your bringing in. Shawn: Hey! Don't start with me! Retired or not, I'll fire your ass! Blackjack: You were always the comic type Shawny. Anyway, now that I'm unemployed I can shoot on people right!? Shawn: Not on my show you cant! Blackjack: Fine, its now my show! Shawn: You wish it was your show! Blackjack: Don't tell me what to think. I don't have to ass kiss no more, I don't work for you! Shawn: But I can get Startsky and Hutch over there to 'escort' your ass off my show! Blackjack: Those baldheaded Steve wanna bees can kiss my ass! And I will shoot! Shawn: Oh fuck it.. I don't care anymore.. shoot! Just make it quick! Blackjack: There you go! Let's start with Lance! The biggest egotistical jackass in the world. The only thing bigger than his nose is his ego. Thoughts around the rumor mill say that Starr gives a good blow job as well. Shawn: Yeah, I agree... but calm down! Blackjack: That must be a big ego because his nose is HUGE! I'm sorry I've been employed longer than anyone I have alot of hate built up inside. Shawn: Umm... Blackjack: What about you Shawny? You are the booker, you booked me against Riley Reel! What the fuck was that man? Shawn: He interfered on your match! I WAS GIVING YOU A CHANCE FOR REVENGE! Blackjack: He was just another jobber trying to get his name out there by attacking the legends, and yes I am a legend! Shawn: Hai... (Japanese for "Yes") Blackjack: No hablo espanol Shawn: Anything else you wish to say, Mr. Legend, sir? Blackjack: Yes actually. I'd like to give a shout out to Gavin Coens for naming me the "Wrestler who curses the most in a promo." Thanks man, we can add it to my wall of plaques! Shawn: I'll second that notion! Blackjack: Rightfully earned right? Shawn: Right! Rightfully earned! Blackjack: Before I leave....did you hear what Jayson Starr had to say a few days ago? I mean, does that man suck or what? I beat him two weeks in a row and he still thinks he's the best. Shawn: I'd have to dissagree with Jayson Starr on national television. Jayson, you are not the best. I am! Blackjack: I'll have to disagree with you Shawny, I am the best! Or, at least, was. Shawn: Okay, Blackjack... for tonight - you will be THE BEST! Blackjack: Fuck that Shawn.....I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best their ever will be. Shawn: Where have I heard that before? Blackjack: Errrr thats already taken isn't it? Shawn: Yep. Blackjack: So excellece of ejecatulation stole it from me. [Shawn just stares at BJ.] Well Shawny, I gots to be leavin this low class studio. The wallpaper is peeling! Shawn: Noo! Don't goo! Blackjack: Retired and still high in demand. You bought me a World Title, I'll remember that. But, it was JUST you who won it. It was me mostly. You just happened to be there to count to three. Well thats enough, I'm afraid of cockroaches. So farewell HWF. Hopefully you'll see me in Blackjack's version of a suit and tie soon. Buh bye for now. [Blackjack stands and waves to the crowd. He shakes Shawns hand and the two embrace, thinking back on the times they've shared in the HWF's past. It is a very serious moment for the two friends. Blackjack looks at the crowd thinking of all his matches, one by one. He turns around and walks backward behind the curtain, maybe for the last time.] [Commercials.] Shawn: Well... that's about it for tonights show. Next week, and the week after I'm going to blow your mind with the info I have on Parade Of Cannibals THREE! I'm gonna leave you with the 'Best Of' for this week, so I can go import a nice Canadian steak! See YA!
Song Of The Week: "Blue" From The Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack [The show goes off the air as the PoC3 Logo and the HWF Logo come up on the screen.]
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