 March 5th, 2001 WARNING!! - The following program contains scenes of unedited vulgarity, and mature content. The HWF, Shawn Collins or any of his guests are not responsible for any disturbing images or comments you may be viewing or hearing. Please be advised that by continuing to watch this program, you are agreeing to this statement. Please also be advised that by continuing to watch this program, you are confessing to the world that you have been castrated 3 times, lived in a box for half your childhood, and ate elephant eggs for breakfast yesterday. Yes – ELEPHANT EGGS. So even if you are a three headed, homosexual, blind, disfigured, fire-breathing monkey... please enjoy the show, and don’t sue me... cause I’m beautiful! Commissioner’s Corner – Downtown Toronto, CC HQ – Monday, March 5, 2001. [The lights in CC Headquarters all go out as the show starts. Even the ‘On Air’ signals have gone out. The beginning soft notes of ‘Clubbed To Death’ by Rob D begin to play. The sound of thunder is heard, and then the ominous voice: “YOU GET ME CLOSER TO GOD!” ‘Clubbed To Death’ hits its climax, and the lights come on. Shawn Collins is sitting in his desk, wearing a gray suit. He waves his hand to his Torontonian audience, and smiles.] Shawn: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the first NEW Edition of Commissioner’s Corner! We’ve got a great lineup for you tonight. We’ve got 3 special guests, and are announcing, *gasp*, 3 matches for our Pay Per View – SEVEN! So, I guess the lucky number tonight is THREE! Or, should it be Threve? Threve sounds better... so let’s make it that! Anyways, after a crazy weekend, and mucho drinko... I got a little bit of a headache today. But, I’d like to thank Mayhem for the free beer! Lance... you should learn to shut the hell up! Brady, you and Zakin are two fucked up fuckers... And, Thrilla, great talker... can talk in and out of a conversation with ease! Anyways, enough drinking stories, we’ll be right back! [Commercials.] Shawn: Please welcome our guests today, Gavin Coens, Tempest and Chris Daaaaavison! [Gavin walks into the room wearing his black leather jacket and a Gavin Cardnal Syn t-shirt. He sits down on a nearby chair. Tempest bounds out holding Chris Davison's hand and waves to the cheering crowd. Davison follows Tempest and sits with her on a two-person couch.] Shawn: How are you all doing? Gavin: I'll be doing a whole lot better the second we're done with this two bit show unworthy of such a guest as I. Tempest: Hi! Hello Shawn, I’m good. No great! [Frowns slightly at Gavin's comment.] Chris: Things are good as of now, Shawn. Shawn: Right off a packed Saturday Suicide, how do you feel as the new Smackdown champion, Tempest? Tempest: [Grins, rubs her back, with a playful pout] Well, I can tell I worked hard for it, but I'm thrilled! It was a fabulous fight and Solomon is really an amazing competitor. Chris: [Davison smiles.] And she earned it, too. I'm happy for her. Gavin: [laughs lightly] Solomon? Amazing... maybe if you added Jackass to the end of it. Shawn: Not fond of Solomon, Coens? Gavin: [Gives off a cocky look towards Collins] You could say that... but you could also say that Solomon is biggest overrated piece of shit the HWF has ever hired. So yea, you could say that... and if he couldn't beat her [looks towards Tempest] then why should he even be employed any longer? Tempest: [Tempest's head jerks in his direction and her lips curls into a little frown.] Beating me is no easy task; Coens and you'd do well to remember that. It's always a shame to have quotes like that recorded such a short time before I have the chance to show you exactly why Solomon lost. Gavin: [Smiles, and nods gently] Shut up little girl. Chris: [Furrows his brow in annoyance] Coens, get your megalomaniacal ass outta her face, okay? Tempest: [Tempest chuckles] Yeah, it's not a pretty sight. Shawn: Oh Collins... what have I started? Okay. Gavin, you have a match with Tempest and 3 other people on Saturday... what's your opinion on the match? Gavin: Have I ever let you down before Collins? Tempest and...uh...well... those other two guys will be yet another stepping stone on my way to the top. It's just that simple. [Looks towards Tempest again] Isn't that right snack tray? Shawn: Let me down? Don't let me get started on that! Tempest: [chortles] I got a snack tray to knock you over the head with, but it'd break. Gavin: [shocked] Listen Collins why don't you just sit your no talent ass down and do this piddly little show like you wanted to. As for you Hun [Looks towards Tempest] When I want your opinion I'll rattle my zipper. Chris: [Looks over at Coens with more than a little anger in his eyes.] You didn't mean that, right GAVIN? Shawn: No talent? So what does that say about your brother? And you for that matter? Gavin: No of course not [gives off a patronizing smile] Oh and Collins? You're ass wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for us, so don't you forget that. Comprende? Shawn: NO! If it weren’t for John, I wouldn't be where I am today. As for you, fuck... what DID you do? Gavin: Who do you think taught John little man? And who do you think helped you when John didn't have the answers?!? Me. So sit your ass down and make with the Gavin-damn questions. [Looks towards Chris] I think pretty boy here is getting impatient. Chris: [Davison looks over, visibly annoyed.] Do you ever shut up? God, you're almost as bad as Blackjack for Christ's sake. Gavin: Ahem. Next time you use my name don't you dare include that child's name in the same sentence. I suggest you choose your words carefully from now on Chrissy. Tempest: And next time you speak to him, don't you dare get his name wrong, or mine for that matter. As for Collins I think he must have done wonders for your career simply by putting up with you. [Smiles sweetly] Shawn: Huh? Umm.. yeah! That's right! [Smiles back.] Now, on to Chrissy... you're teamed up with Silky this week. How's that feel? [Tempest gives a withering look at Collins.] Chris: [Chris rolls his eyes.] Let's see. I'd rather have all but three of my teeth ripped out and have my nose replaced with Lance Sterling's than team with Silky. Shawn: So, you don't think it was genius booking on my part? Gavin: Chrissy, a word of advice for you. Beware of Silk's tendency to rip off his pants and mount you. And tell your female friend over there that I helped Collins career, you can even ask the man himself. Chris: [Chris shook his head.] Okay, first, Collins, it was retarded booking on your part, but I expect no less of you. Second, Gavin, YOU were the one with your face in his crotch when the two of you faced off. And three, I can see you "helped his career" considering it's all but dead. Gavin: Listen here Chrissy, when you're a Commissioner then you can rip on Shawn's career. Until then, shut your commoner mouth. As for Silky, that cross-dressing freak attacked me and plans are already in motion for revenge. Glad to see you were paying attention though, maybe by watching us you could learn how to wrestle a decent match instead of depending on your trashy wife for tv time? Shawn: Excellanté! Tempest: [Glances between Collins and Coens] Gavin, the only person depending on me for TV time is you since this week someone will have to make you worth paying attention to. And you've been paying so much attention that you forgot we haven't married yet? Tsk, tsk... not doing a good job of knowing your enemy there Gav. And Collins, I'm surprised at you. You booked Silky and Chris together to piss someone off, so what's up with that? Shawn: Umm... well... you see, the original plan was... well... it's actually a genius idea! They're the worst of enemies, and I put them... Chris: [Chris sighs, exasperated.] Shut up, Collins. [Collins frowns, and sits back in his chair.] Chris: [Chris looks over at Gavin.] First of all, it's Chris. Remember the name, because he'll be the guy at the top when you're still playing to the low-card ranks. And second, who the Hell are YOU to criticize me, huh? Gavin: Can I get a word in edge-wise please? We all know whom the people tune in to see: Collins, Gavin Coens. [Looks towards Chris] Well Chrissy, I'm the same guy that's already been to the top, I'm the guy who someone like you dreams to be, the guy who people like you are jealous of, [looks towards Tempest] and the guy that people like her dream about when they have to settle for people like you. So why don't you think before you open that mouth of yours. As for you Tempest, there's one set of lips on a woman that should be flapping ...and they're below the equator. Catch my drift? Tempest: [smiles] I like it when you talk like that, you know why? Because it reminds me that you have no clue what you're dealing with. Chris had a good point: you're starting to sound like Blackjack. And if that doesn’t scare you, it should. After all, you may have been to the top, but do you really wanna follow him into obscurity? [Chuckles] No, the only thought of you horizontal that I have involves a three count. Chris: [Raises an eyebrow at Coens.] And if she desires everyone else so much, why doesn't she just go to 'em, hmm? I recall you being shot down cold not long ago. Gavin: [Looks towards Tempest] Shut up little girl. [Looks back towards Chris] My, she is a handful isn't she? [Gavin sighs] You just don't get it do you Chrissy? You can keep her! Girls like that are a dime a dozen, but I'm sure you would know that. Isn't that where the two of you met in the first place? Shawn: Ouch! Score! Tempest: [eyes narrow] Ya know Gav, I hope you don’t' think just telling me to shut up is gonna work for you. I'm the one you have to fight on Saturday and sleazy little comments won't help you a bit. [Glares at Collins] And neither will he. Shawn: Me? What... I!? Umm... No! But... [Collins cowers.] Gavin: [peers towards Tempest] Don't you worry Hun, I hear you go down faster than a white boy in a Tyson fight. ...Isn’t that right Chris? I won't need Shawn's help to take care of you or those other two guys in our fight. Who the hell are they anyways?!? Chris: [Chris raised an eyebrow.] I doubt you can even come CLOSE to matching up with Tempest or myself. So why don't you step up and try it, you Drake-sucking bastard? Tempest: [raises her hands] C'mon now, we'll get the chance to find out soon enough. But Gavin, as far as you're concerned I don't go down in any way shape or form. But I think we should let Mr. Collins ask the questions he's over there dying to ask ok? [Smiles] [Collins jumps up in his chair, eyebrows high and a stupid look on his face.] Shawn: Umm.. yeah! Thank you Tempest. I was about to take control of this situation anyway. [Tempest’s eyelids flutter in irritation.] Chris: [Chris rolled his eyes.] Sure, ya were. Shawn: Shut up Davison, I've had it up to here with your sarcasm. Let's talk Seven... ladies and gentlemen. Gavin: [Gavin smiles] For once we agree. Chris: [Davison smiles pleasantly.] Shove it, Collins. [Collins chuckles at Chris.] Shawn: Chris, it's great that you're so ecstatic about Seven... because I've got a match for YOU. Chris: [Davison raises an eyebrow.] Good, let's hear it. [Tempest tilts her head curiously] Shawn: And it involves Silky Palms... Chris: [Davison sighs in exasperation.] Don't make me team with that rat bastard, Collins... Shawn: Actually... you will be against him! Chris: [Chris sighed in relief.] Thank God. Gavin: [Gavin interrupts] Thank Gavin Tempest: [grins] Now that's a match worth seeing! [Pats Chris on the shoulder] Shawn: Oh, I'm not done! Tempest: There's more? [Makes wide eyed joking face] Shawn: Yes... and it involves.... you, Tempest. Chris: [Chris raises an eyebrow.] What? Shawn: And 3 other men. Chris: Say what? Gavin: [Gavin jumps up] Now this is getting good, continue dear friend... Tempest: [withering glance at Gavin] Not like that you pervert. Shawn: You will defend your Smackdown title against, Blackjack... Tempest: [laughs] Defend may be a little strong a word there. Shawn: ...the former Smackdown champion, Kyle Solomon... Tempest: [nods] Good, he definitely deserves his re-match. Shawn: ...and this man right here - Gavin Coens! Gavin: [shocked] What the hell Collins? Why am I wasting my time with them at Se7en? You know damn well I should be going after the big prize, the world title! What the hell has gotten into you!?! Shawn: You're ego has...! Tempest: [chuckles] You'll have enough trouble getting past me once, let alone twice, and for the title to boot. [Gavin jumps to his feet and begins to walk slowly towards Collins. Suddenly he dives in the opposite direction towards Tempest. Gavin nails a shot to the side of Tempest's face but she quickly ducks Gavin's next attempt. Chris decides to step in and nails a quick uppercut to Gavin's chin, causing him to fall backwards. They begin to exchange a fury of lefts and rights, slowly backing up towards the furniture. Chris catches a glimpse of Tempest out of the corner of his eye and jumps to the right. This allows Tempest to connect with a flying kick to Gavin's head. Davison gets caught up with the flying Tempest and all three tumble over the couch. Security rushes in to separate the three of them as Collins tries to get a hold of things. Chris and Gavin are trying to break free for another chance to tear into each other while Tempest is collecting her composure and calming down.] Shawn: Damn it! I'd like to thank our guests! We'll be back after this break. [Commercials.] [As the show comes back on air, the TV Krew is fixing the set after the brawl that just took place. Shawn... has to stand. And he’s not happy about that.] Shawn: Someone hit my desk! I don’t know who, or how! But someone hit it, and it’s the Krew took it to the back. Fuckers... Anyways, folks – 3 more weeks until Seven! - Definitely one of the most highly anticipated Pay Per View’s in HWF history to date. And speaking of Seven, and highly anticipated events... I’ve yet to reveal the 3rd match I promised to reveal today. But since you all waited so patiently, here it is. It will be the final approach of anger between these two men. On Sunday, March 25, 2001 in Las Vegas, Nevada – Michael Trey will be facing Phoenix. It only seems suitable... seeing as the wrath they hold against each other will erupt eventually. And what better than to do it at a Pay Per View, in which wrath is a key element. Seven, March 25 – Las Vegas! We will see these two men take each other to the limit, and perhaps ever kill each other in the process. We’ll be back with the ‘Of The Week’s after this short break. [Commercials.]
Shawn: Alright, just before we leave, let me leave you with the ‘Of The Week’s for the week of March 5:
Song Of The Week: Fly Me To The Moon – Evangelion OST Shawn: See you next week folks! We’ve got a great Saturday booked for you! Adios. [The scene fades out to the HWF Logo, and the Seven logo.]
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