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December 13, 2000

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[The scene fades into the HWF Commissioner Corner studio, as lightly over the background the song "Clubbed to Death" by Rob D is playing, the lights fade from black as a voice over is heard.]

Voice Over: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, please welcome the host of Commissioner's Corner - Your Canadian Commissioner, Shawn Collins!

[Collins walks through the door, and takes a seat. As the crowd stops booing, he gets straight to the point.]

Collins: Now, next week is Holy Night. The card for it will be announced tonight on Hard2TheCore.Com. Make sure that you all check that out! As for Holy Night itself, it will take place in a...

[Suddenly a loud harsh sound interrupts Collins as he looks over to a door offstage. A camera quickly panning over watches as a something pokes through the door. Sliding down the door, Collins is shocked to see a chainsaw blade cutting though the door. As the saw moves down and pulls out a boot kicks hard into the door busting it open. Mayhem standing in the doorway walks in.]

Mayhem: And they called it a closed set. AAAAAAAAAAAAH HEHEHAHAHAHEHEHAHAHA!!!!

Collins: What the...? Jesus Christ! My SET! MAYHEM!? You're not supposed to...

Mayhem: Hey man, what the hell is up???!!!

Collins: Up? What about my door?! That's coming out of your salary, you son of a bitch!

[Mayhem looking at the split door laughs. Walking onto the set he takes a seat, dropping his chainsaw next to him.]

Mayhem: You are to damn tense man, you need to lighten up. Now, how the hell are you?

Collins: How am I?! Not only am I pissed cause my DOOR HAS BEEN TORN DOWN! But I'm fuckin.... no.. I'm JUST PISSED!

Mayhem: That's nice. And don't worry about the door, hell, it's just wood.

Collins: IT COST MONEY TO BUILD THIS SET! M-O-N-E-Y! MONEY!

[Mayhem laughs.]

Mayhem: You can spell money, that's good. Don't worry I’ll pay for the door for heaven's sake

Collins: That was a given. What the hell are you doing on my show? Who told you you could sit down? What the fuck is going on here? Security!!

[Mayhem looks at the security off stage.]

Mayhem: Do you really want to fuck with a man of my size armed with a chainsaw?

[They back off, shrugging their shoulders to Collins]

Mayhem: Kindness and I said I could sit down. Hell man. I'm here to boost your rating with a interview, I thought you'd be happy.

[Shawn's jaw drops at the sight of the security guards shrugging.]

Collins: Yeah... I'm happy... make yourself at home... ugh...

Mayhem: Atta boy, I think I will.

[Putting his feet on the coffee table Mayhem makes himself at home]

Mayhem: Ask away, I've got no where to go. It's been a long time and I thought we needed to have some social time.

Collins: Ask away? You're not scheduled to be here. I don't even know what you want!

Mayhem: To be interviewed, isn't that what you do? I’m new here and I want everyone to get to know me. You know me and you like me right? Hell I just want to get interviewed.

Collins: Yes that's what I do. And sure, I like you... when you're not giving me freaky looks and breaking down my doors - which is pretty much never... And I'm not giving you an interview! You're not scheduled!

[Mayhem through the mask glares at Collins. the mask covers his looks but the mask face shows enough]

Mayhem: Okay....I didn't want to have to do this. But you've forced my hand.

Collins: Huh? What? What the hell are you talking about?

Mayhem: I didn't want to have to do this...I really don't.

[Mayhem pauses exhaling deep]

Mayhem: PLEASE!!!?????

Collins: Ohh... Jeezus... fine! Fuck! Get your feet off my desk!

[Mayhem almost militarily snapping his feet off the desk he quickly moves to a upright sitting position, with very nice posture]

Mayhem: READY SIR!!!!

Collins: Alright, Mayhem. Welcome to Commissioner's Corner. You broke my door. I'm pissed. How are you?

Mayhem: I'm swell. I'm so honored to be invited to your corner. I've always been a great fan of yours. I can't tell you how honored I am, this is a real joygasm for me.

Collins: Oh yeah? How's the wife and kids?

Mayhem: Don't have any. Sucks kinda. I've been with a large variety of women: college women, twins, housewives and strippers. They just aren't what I'm looking for. hehehehe. Can't say they haven't been fun though...AAAAAAH HEHEHAHAHEHEHAHAHA!!! Oh well, one day I may settle down, but not anytime soon.

[Mayhem pauses and sighs again]

Mayhem: I would like to hear the scamper of little Mayhem feet, but it doesn’t seem like that's gonna happen soon. But thanks for asking.

Collins: Thank you for upsetting my stomach. Just the thought of little Mayhem.... ugh...

[Mayhem laughs up a storm, the sound of Mayhem's laugh makes Collins stomach even more upset]

Mayhem: You asked remember....actually, that is a kinda sick thought, hehehahahahhehehe!!!!

Collins: Okay, next question. How was your first barbeque... err.. match?

Mayhem: Now that was fun. I have to thank you for scheduling that match, I haven't had that much fun since I chainsawed Dalen's office...you remember him. I'll tell you this though, I'm not a dick, all the time. I'll give credit where it's due, Storm was a good wrestler. It was most especially a shocking experience, hehehahahaheheheha!!!!

Mayhem: Storm fought that match great. I'm only hoping Newcastle is as good of a challenge.

Collins: Any SPECIAL plans for this week's match?

Mayhem: Pain, lots of pain. And it ain't gonna be me who feels it, I'll feel as much as I let Newcastle give me. But in the end it's gonna be pinning his ass to the canvas. Hell, maybe I'll snap his shoulder, who knows. I just play it by ear.

Collins: Really? Sounds fun... listen, who the hell let you in here in the first place?

Mayhem: I did, they said it was a closed set. hehehehe Kindness and I just opened it. I wanted to see you man, I was feeling lonely.

Collins: Oh yeah, for all of you out there who don't know Kindness. That's Mayhem's lovable chainsaw. Ugh...

[Mayhem picking up his chainsaw holds it up to the camera. It's a red stihl industrial strength chainsaw, the bladed sharper then most blades.]

Mayhem: Yep, I love this baby. After all, all those shrinks would say, when someone bothers you, kill them with kindness...so I did...some....AAAAAAAH HEHEHAHAHEHEHEHEHAHA!!!! Just wait till I bring my other chainsaw, the double bladed one. Love. It got lost in my last plane trip.

Collins: Holy shit... okay... how's the BAWF?

Mayhem: Well I had to get away form there. I was fun, but I was kicking everyone’s ass, it was getting boring. I never much cared if I won or lost, but I wouldn't even be getting much of a challenge, I remember once I entered laughed and the guy fainted, hell, it was funny but there was no challenge.

[Mayhem pausing]

Mayhem: So how have you been? I mean you've been here a while what have you been up to?

Collins: Umm... Me? I've... I'm a God damn Commissioner!

Mayhem: I though you were just a commissioner. Is there a difference between a commissioner and a god damn one? I'm just curious, you know....

[Mayhem leans forward looking right into Collins eyes waiting for an answer]

Mayhem: What does Larry King got that I don't?

Collins: How about manners? I don't know... what kind of question is that?!

Mayhem: I'm just curious if there was a distinction....I guess there wasn't huh? Oh well, so how are your wife and kids?

Collins: Huh?! I don't have a wife and kids... I'm... MY PERSONAL LIFE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Mayhem: oh...sorry. This doesn't mean that you're....ummmmmm no. Okay let's move on. So you're not wrestling here huh?

Collins: What the hell are you implying? And no I don't wrestle here. I'm currently wrestling in the EPWA.

Mayhem: Oh good, maybe I'll watch you there. I'm not implying anything, ummmmmm nothing. hehehehehe

Collins: Watch me...? What the hell are you talking about Mayhem? Why are you here? What do you want?

Mayhem: I just wanted to talk, after all you're the only one I know here. Oh well, you've got your sitcom to finish, I'm gonna go get a pizza, you want anything?

[Standing up he picks up his chainsaw and hooks it on his belt. Smiling he looks to Collins.]

Collins: Sitcom?! Pizza..? What the fuck? Get off my set!

Mayhem: Okay, okay, you don't have to tell me several billion times. I'm normal....relatively. Okay, I've got to go anyway.

[Mayhem walking to the door looks at the broken remains. Bursting into laughter he tries to calm himself as he turns back to Collins.]

Mayhem: You sure you don't want any pizza?

Collins: GET THE HELL OUT!

Mayhem: Pepperoni and Sausage? Okay, I'll be back in an hour. Bye bye

[Mayhem laughing turns and walks out]

Collins: Cut to fucking commercial...

[Shawn sits back in his chair and rubs his head.]

[Commercials.]

Collins: Welcome back. Tonight, my guest happens to be the man who is facing Trevor Lasek in an Ultimate Death Match on Holy Night. Please welcome, Renegade!

["Prince Charming" by Metallica starts playing over the speakers in the studio of commissioners corner. Renegade comes out from behind the curtain wearing a black tank top shirt with his trench coat over it and his baggy jeans on. He has his bandanna and sunglasses on as he takes a seat next to Collins...]

Collins: How are you Renegade?

Renegade: Pretty damn good, and you?

Collins: What can I say? Things have been better!

Renegade: I guess so....but I'm looking forward to Suicide in my home town...Phoenix!

Collins: Well, I can hardly say I care about that...

Renegade: HUSH! That is the biggest load of Gavin Coens and Insomnia CRAP combined!

Collins: Alright, just leave Gavin out of this. He has nothing to do with this interview. Are you looking forward to Holy Night?

Renegade: Oh hell yeah! I get to punish Lasek...but there will be one surprise for everyone at the PPV! I'm going to find my birth records at Suicide, and find out who the hell my family is!

Collins: Huh? You didn't know too? How did you find your birth records?

Renegade: I'm going to at Suicide! It's in my hometown where I was born. As I go searching through the city and have an HWF camera crew tailin' me all the way....

Collins: Are you sure you want everyone to know about it?

Renegade: I'm pretty sure it will be nothing big. Nothing is gonna change, I just want to know who my family is around this season

Collins: Ahh... of course. The Christmas season. Is that the reason?

Renegade: That is the obvious reason. The other one is I want to know why...

Collins: Why what?

Renegade: Why my biological parents didn't keep me...

[Shawn whispers to the camera.]

Collins: Besides the obvious... I mean, why would they want to keep that?

Renegade: You want the fucking Fist of Rage on the steel ramp? I don't need to save that much energy for Lasek!

Collins: What the hell are you talking about? Did I say anything?

[Collins smirks.]

Renegade: Watch it! Remember a few episodes of this show ago? The Canadian curse has returned to haunt me...

Collins: Canadian curse... that's the biggest bunch of bull I've heard! Hahaha! So, Renegade, how do you feel with this whole stable war raging? There's the Anti-Heroes, X-Treme Alliance [Collins shudders.] and my boys - the Outlawed Generation. Do you have any thoughts on these alliances?

Renegade: Outlawed Generation? Who the fu-....nevermind. Hey, my boy Jayson is in the X-Treme Alliance so I'll give them props. The Anti-Heroes? There's something about those guys...I don't know what....

Collins: Well, you're opponent is part of them. Trevor Lasek.

Renegade: I know that...ugh...Will the HWF booking team ever get tired of that match up? Who knows...I'll win though...

Collins: What about the match you're in - An Ultimate Death match. What goes through your mind when you think about that?

Renegade: Nothing at all...I've gone toe to toe with the best of em' in the craziest matches dreamed up...

Collins: Just the word DEATH. Doesn't that do anything to you?

Renegade: Yeah...but it's a wrestling match...maybe...not a duel to the death...

Collins: Lasek has yet to announce that.

Renegade: Well, he's not in control here...or a former hardcore champ...I AM!

Collins: But he's into some VIOLENT SHIT!

Renegade: Well, he likes to repeat those words a lot...that's too bad.

Collins: Maybe a little too many bumps to the head, eh?

Renegade: I think so...Or it could be that he's just naturally messed up...but I'm not threatened by a man screaming the words "VIOLENT SHIT"...Not at all....

Collins: What about his feats? Lighting himself on fire on several occasions. He's really fucked up!

Renegade: It's all about the fans...To please the fans, I punish other people, NOT myself...

Collins: That's what they all say. I don't know how someone could light themselves on fire for "fans"...

Renegade: I do....they'd have to be a complete idiot!

Collins: Well, that explains it.

Renegade: Yeah it does. Anyways, I can't wait to get those cheap pops on Suicide right in my hometown!

Collins: What ever happened with you and Phoenix? Or you and Insomnia? Or you and Gavin? You have a lot of enemies.

Renegade: Sure I have a lot of enemies. It's great. Phoenix? There's something questionable about that guy, I can't quite figure it out, but I'll get him back at Holy Night. Of course I will definitely have to pay pack Insomnia for just about all the stunts he tried to pull in our sleep forever match. Now, Coens, it seems like he's been forgotten. No way... Just wait till Holy Night, then this will all make sense

Collins: Really? Is that a threat? A promise? Or an omen? Hahaha!

Renegade: It's all three bitch!

Collins: Well, I'll hold you to that. We'll see what happens at Holy Night.

Renegade: Yes we will...I can't wait

Collins: And that's only 2 weeks away folks. Thanks for your time Renegade, but we're out of time.

Renegade: I see how it is...But that's ok...I can't wait to take the trip to...PHOENIX, ARIZONA! It was a pleasure as always...

Collins: Give a round of applause to Renegade. We'll be right back folks!

[Commercials.]

Collins: Well folks, that is our show for this week. I would like to thank Renegade and [shudders] Mayhem for being on the show. Remember to tune in for this weeks Suicide, it will be the last HWF event before Holy Night and a hell of a show so don't miss it. Pea-

[Suddenly Collins is distracted by the sound of footsteps which can be heard off camera. Soon you see Chris Styles wearing Black jeans, a blue bubble jack and black low cut boots walk onto the stage from the back. His coat has snow on the shoulders and he is visually a bit tired. Collins a little confused at the arrival confronts him]

Collins: Hey, where the fuck did you come from? And, where were you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

Styles: Ah, shit! My car broke down and the tow truck took like and hour. I got here as fast as I could. So there is no time for my interview?

Collins: No. The show is over. And I am not extending it; I got other things to do.

Styles: Well, this was a wasted trip. Oh! I still have one question, actually make that a demand. I want to be special guest referee for this Saturdays Canadian Title #1 contenders match. I want you to make it happen.

Collins: You want me to do you a favor?! After you showed up late and fucked up part of the show?!

Styles: Well, yeah. Plus, the whole late thing wasn't my fau-

Collins [interrupting]: I don't want to hear it. But, as for you "demand." Though you haven't exactly found your way to my good side, I'll grant you the right to be referee the number one contenders match this Saturday, this is only cause it makes for a better show. But don't expect any other favors from me in the near future.

Styles: Oh, that does not bother me. I've got what I want and if we ain't doing a interview I'm out.

Collins: Well we are not doing one, so I guess [mocking] your out.

[Styles leaves as abruptly as he arrived. Collins obviously thrown of track by Styles' appearance stands on stage doing absolutely nothing. He then realizes he needs to close out the show and begins a second attempt.]

Collins: What an idiot. Well, anyway folks, as long as no one else decides to jump on stage and interrupt me that is the end of the show. Be sure to tune in for Suicide. Trey’s got one hell of a match, and an even better and BIGGER one on Holy Night. I guarantee I’m going to make his life a living hell. I leave you with my “of the weeks”.

Song Of The Week: Memory Remains - Metallica

Movie Of The Week: THE GRINCH!

Game Of The Week: Megaman Legends 2

Anime Of The Week: Vandread

Wrestler Of The Week: I guess I gotta go with Mayhem... remember the Chinese restaurant incident? Whoa!

Quote Of The Week: A tie! Both from Mayhem’s dinner, in Chinese:

Waiter: [You must have a little penis don't you? I'll tell you what, I'll bring you a weaker sauce, and you probably couldn't handle our hot sauce…pussy.]

Waiter: [May your order make you sick, may your dick shrivel up and fall off, and also may this happen in front of your girlfriend.]

Shawn: That’s all for today. See you all on Suicide. I fart in your general direction!

[Fade out as Shawn heads to the back through the broken door.]