(The clock strikes 9 PM as the pay-per-view preview comes to a close, beginning the dawn of hardcore. A tape begins to play, showing "The Icon" diving off a balcony onto Stinger.)
Deep Voice: Guts...
(A clip of Extream nailing Too The Extreme on Marek de Kere onto a slide is shown.)
Deep Voice: Glory...
(A clip of "The Icon" nailing Justin Storm with a flaming chair.)
Deep Voice: Limits will be exceeded, barriers will be broken, and boundaries will be pushed further.
(A clip of Extream in the old HWF glory days, holding the HWF title high.)
Deep Voice: Tonight, the past...
(A clip of "The Icon" holding the HWF title in the air.)
Deep Voice: ... and the present will collide. Who will win the HWF world title? Who will prove he is like no other? Who will lead the parade... the PARADE OF CANNIBALS!!!
(As the voice finishes, "Metal Militia" by Metallica blasts onto the sound waves as the infamous Hardcore Highlight Reel begins. Thunder nailing the Thunderbolt on Michael Trey through a table. Vic Williams diving into the crowd on "The Icon". The Saint being nailing with an exploding barbwire board from Burton Adler. Extream assaulting Marcus Fernandez. Justin Storm hitting the Torrential Downpour on Fernandez. Maxx Powers and Michael Trey giving "The Icon" a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo. Finally, Chris Randall nailing Thunder with a steel chair. The camera shot blasts into the Elk's Lodge in Queens, decked out in hardcore paraphernalia. The NY crowd chants HWF as the camera pans around the arena. Blue flames burst from atop the twenty foot high HWF-Tron as the crowd goes insane.)
Tim: Welcome everyone to the HWF's Parade of Cannibals 2!!! We are live from the Elk's Lodge in Queens, New York!
Jeff: Tonight, we have a great card lined up for you. This could very well set the new standard for extreme!
Tim: You've got that right. These guys have had nearly two months to build up hatred for one another and tonight it all comes together in a head on collision!
Jeff: I believe we should get to the first match.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this match is scheduled for one fall and a twenty minute time limit! Introducing first, CHRIS GOINGS!!!
(The lights go out and the crowd is cheering. Suddenly a purple spotlight searches the crowd and then stops in front of the entranceway. "Just Like This" by Limp Bizkit starts over the PA system and Chris Goings emerged from the curtains wearing a black singlet with purple trim and black wrestling hoes, and a big smile on his face. He also has a mic in his hand probably planning to say a few words. He puts the mic up to his lips and...)
Tim: It looks like Goings is going to say a few words before his debut match against Jayson Starr.
Jeff: I guess it does look that way smart guy. Either that or he is pulling a trick on everyone in New York. (mumbles) What a retard...
Tim: What was that?
Jeff: Oh nothing...
(Goings is strutting down the aisle in usual fashion with the mic in his hand. He slides under the ropes emerging from the ring. He runs to the far corner and raises his hands in the air to an array of cheers. He cuts the air and the music slowly stops. He puts the mic up to his lips and begins to speak...)
Goings: I would like to welcome you personally to my show, Parade Of Cannibals 2. I will be your host for this evening and every evening from now on. Tonight you will see the in ring debut of Chris Goings and it certainly will not be the last time you see Chris Goings win in the HWF. I am looking for gold and I am looking for some ass to kick so step up so you can get knocked the fuck down Starr. Start the loser's music so he the dead man can walk down the aisle and sign his death warrant. Why? Because I fucking said so!
("The Shortest Straw" by Metallica hits, as Jayson Starr walks out of the back and into the entranceway holding a wooden baseball bat. He stands there and raises the bat into the air and screams "yeah!" and looks around. Then, he
makes his way to the ring, slides under the bottom rope, and walks to the center of the ring... He looks around, then once again shouts "yeah!" as he raises both hands into the air, listening to the crowd go wild.)
Announcer: and his opponent, The Hardcore Hero" JAYSON STARR!!!
(The bell sounds as Chris and Jayson begin to circle. They lock up as Jayson Starr takes control. He applies a headlock, wrenching on the head of Goings. Goings then lifts Starr up and hits a belly to back suplex, knocking Jayson off. Both men quickly get to their feet as Chris grabs the arm of Jayson and whips him across the ring. Jayson bounces off the ropes and hits a diving clothesline, taking Chris Goings to the mat. Jayson is up quickly stomping on Chris. Chris gets to his feet as Jayson hits a hip toss. Chris is back up and ducks a clothesline. Jayson turns and SMACK! He is leveled by a superkick from Chris Goings.)
Tim: The sound of that kick echoed through this arena!
Jeff: Jayson Starr is out!
(Chris scoots Jayson to the center of the ring as he bounds off the ropes. Goings nails a snap leg drop to Jayson Starr. Chris quickly gets to feet and pulls Jayson up by the hair. Chris applies a standing head scissors but Jayson immediately reverses with a back body drop. Jayson then slides to the outside of the ring, searching under the ring. Jayson slides out a table, then slides it into the ring over the top rope. Jayson slides in the ring as Chris is up to his feet. Chris leaps and hits a drop kick right to the face of Jayson Starr! Starr hits the mat as Goings begins to set up the table. He positions the table diagonally to the corner and turns just as Starr is up. Starr nails a right hand and another right. Starr kicks Goings then whips him into the corner. Jayson then turns Chris so he's looking into the crowd. Jayson climbs to the top rope and locks on a front face lock. Jayson pushes off and nails a Tornado DDT through the table! The table smashes in two as both men lie in the center. The crowd cheers for the move.)
Tim: Jayson Starr is making one hell of a debut in the HWF!
Jeff: Yeah, he's pretty smart. To get over in the HWF, just use tables!
(Jayson gets up and calls for a chair. The ring crew chief tosses a steel chair in the ring and Jayson catches it. Jayson places the chair over the back of Chris, who is still in the broken table. Jayson then climbs the top rope, and stands tall on the top. He points down to Chris Goings as the crowd cheers. Jayson dives off an nails a suicidal guillotine leg drop right on top of Chris Goings!! The crowd loves it as Jayson rolls Chris over and goes for the cover. 1....2..Kickout!)
Tim: Chris Goings kicked out! He kicked out!
(Jayson Starr looks shocked but continues on. He pulls Chris Goings up and whips him to the ropes. Jayson ducks early and Chris counters. Chris lifts Jayson up and nails a powerbomb onto the remnants of the table! Chris lies on the mat trying to get his composure. Chris slowly gets to his feet and lifts Jayson to his feet. Chris spins him around and locks on a waistlock from behind. Chris then nails a German suplex, but he holds on.)
Jeff: What an athlete!
(Chris then gets back up and nails another German suplex, still holding on.)
Tim: You know, there've been like hundreds of guys who've done this before.
Jeff: So, none were as charismatic as Chris Goings!
(Chris then hits a release German suplex, ending the triad of suplexes. Jayson flips onto his stomach upon impact as Chris crawls over to him. Chris then grabs his jaw and locks his arm, locking on the Crippler Crossface! Jayson Starr screams in pain, trying with all his might to get out of the hold. Chris reels back on the hold, but Jayson manages to get to his knees. Chris is still hanging on as Jayson rolls to his side and the pressure is taken from his neck and shoulder.)
Tim: Jayson Starr got out of the Crippler Crossface, but he is heavily favoring that left arm.
Jeff: Yeah, I think when he got to his knees something in his arm tore. It doesn't look at this point.
(Chris Goings immediately stomps away on Starr, showing signs of frustration. Chris brings Jayson up and whips him to the ropes. Chris misses a clothesline as Jayson. Jayson quickly grabs the back of Chris and levels him with a reverse DDT. Jayson favors the arm as he gets up. Jayson brings Chris to his feet, but Goings nails a low blow. Goings whips Jayson into the corner and hits a running clothesline. Goings then climbs to the second rope and applies a standing head scissors on Jayson. Goings tries to lift Starr up for a second rope powerbomb, but Jayson won't budge. He nails a right hand and then climbs to the second rope.)
Tim: Uh, oh! We've got something big coming up!
(Starr applies a front face lock and uses the one healthy arm to lift Chris in the air. He falls backwards and drills Goings into the mat with a brain buster!!! The crowd goes insane as Chris bounces off the mat. Jayson slowly crawls on top of Chris. 1.....2.....3!!)
Tim: Jayson Starr has won his debut match in the HWF!
Jeff: Yeah, but you cannot take anything away from Chris Goings. He is definitely a future player in the HWF.
Tim: You're right... for once. Anyway, let's go backstage to Tony Bradshaw... Tony?
(Cut to backstage where Tony is standing in front of the Parade of Cannibals 2 backdrop.)
Tony Bradshaw: Welcome ladies and gentlemen, and I've got fresh news about Michael Trey. A few days ago I was notified from the hospital that Michael had been recovering from surgery well, when he disappeared from Dean Medical. Doctors say he should be all right if he's been resting and taking care of himself. The only information about him is what we can garner from this note which he left.
(Tony hold up a note and begins to read from it slowly and clearly.)
"To the HWF and the Fans:
Since Tony's segment aired last week, there has been an incredibly outpour of support from the fans and the wrestlers. This brought me to the realization that the fans do enjoy watching me wrestle and always have. I feel incredibly bad for the comments I made while with Marek de Kere. The fans are what keeps the HWF going.
Yes, it was almost "Lights Out" for Michael Trey, but my recovery has been as successful as I could have hoped. I'm leaving the Dean Medical Center tonight.
-Michael Trey"
(Tony folds the note back up and places it in his coat pocket before continuing.)
Tony: As for Marek de Kere, we still have no report on him or the driver of the vehicle. I'm sure DRE will show up again, but we will just have to wait and watch for Da Reel Extreem.
(Back to the arena.)
Tim: Thanks, Tony... Well, I'm sorry to the fans for Michael Trey not being here tonight as was said last week on Suicide. Hopefully, the former World Champion will be back soon to an HWF ring.
Jeff: This story is extremely strange, Tim. I mean, where is DRE? Who hit the two in the car?
Tim: I don't know, Jeff. I can only assume we'll get the answers in the weeks to come.
Jeff: I hope so...
(The song "Edgecrusher" by Fear Factory blasts over the arena. Smoke fills the entranceway as you see a man’s shadow appear. He stands in the entranceway engulfed in smoke. Then the song fades out and you hear him begin to speak.)
EDGECRUSHER: HWF!!! Prepare for the new EDGECRUSHER!!! Now that I have dropped that good for nothing loser Shocker. Thunder, you whine and complain how if those men didn’t attack you during our match, you would have won. Well bitch, I beg to differ!! I want a match with you! It doesn’t matter when, it doesn’t matter where. You big fuckin` goof, you don’t have a chance to beat me. If you actually beat Marcus, I don’t want it to be for the Hardcore Title. I just want to beat the shit out of you, you faggot!!
EDGECRUSHER: This time Thunder, I will dump you on that big fat head of yours. Nothing will stop me this time. I will prove to all the boys what they already know. You are the biggest punk in the HWF!! Mr. Fucking Crybaby is going down!!
EDGECRUSHER: Now that New Breed is dead!! I will never have to hear that other crybaby, Shocker. EVER AGAIN!!! HWF....Beware the Break of the EDGECRUSHER!!!!!
(Then the lights go to black as "Edgecrusher" blasts over the pa. Then the lights come back on and the smoke is dissipating. EDGECRUSHER is gone from the entranceway. The song just stops out of nowhere.)
Jeff: Strong words from Edgecrusher.
Tim: Well, it's time for our next match.
Announcer: Our next is scheduled for one fall and is a FALLS COUNT ANWYHERE MATCH!!! *cheers* Introducing first, "LOCO" CHRIS RANDALL!!!
(The powerful instrumental version of "My Own Summer" by the Deftones explodes into the arena. Red and Black pyro goes off all around the stage entrance and ring posts. Loco appears from behind the fire with a dedicated smirk on his face. He struts down to the ring Austin-style and climbs over the top rope. He gets on the top turnbuckle, eyeing the fans as
they roar with appreciation.)
Announcer: ...and his opponent, DARK FORCE!!!
(The lights go out as a green strobe flickers in the arena. "Confusion" by New Order hits as fog fills the walkway as Dark Force enters through the curtain. He stands there watching the then begins to run to the ring. He slides under the ropes and waits for the bell to ring.)
Tim: This match should be a good one. Chris Randall is new, but has already joined the Hardcore Revolution with two of the biggest names in the HWF, "The Icon" and "NBK".
Jeff: Yeah and Dark Force is rebounding off the death of his tag team partner Warrant, but he is in very good condition.
(The bell sounds as the two begins to circle one another. The two then come to the center of the ring, talking trash. Randall shoves Dark Force back, causing Dark Force to smile. As fast as lightning, Dark Force levels Randall with a super kick!)
Tim: Good lord! I didn't even see him start the kick before Loco was on the mat!
(Dark Force pounces Randall, pulling his head up and punching with all his might. Dark Force gets to his feet and goes to the ring apron. Randall staggers to his feet as Dark Force springboards off the top rope and nails a spinning heel kick! Randall falls backwards from the kick, falling through the ropes and to the floor. Dark Force then climbs the top rope, waiting for Chris to get up on the outside. Randall stands up as Dark Force flies off, attempting a cross body splash. Loco sidesteps the flying assault of Dark Force, as Dark Force lands ribs first on the steel railing!!!)
Jeff: Holy crap! His ribs have to be broken!
(Dark Force tumbles off the railing, already starting to cough up blood.)
Tim: Man, this isn't good for Dark Force.
(Randall has gotten a steel chair from ringside. He runs at Dark Force, leaps into the air, and puts the chair under his leg. He lands an "Arabian Face Buster" on Dark Force, crushing Dark Force under the chair! Randall gets up and grabs Dark Force by the head. He picks him up and tosses him over the railing, into the crowd. Randall then looks under the ring, grabbing a table. Loco sets the table up and places it right up against the railing. Dark Force still hasn't moved in the crowd, as some fans try to get him up. Chris Randall slides another table out and sets it right against the other table, filling the gap in between the railing and ring.)
Tim: What is he doing?
Jeff: I don't know, but it doesn't look good for Dark Force!
(Randall goes into the crowd where Dark Force is on his knees. Randall nails Dark Force with forearm blows to the back and head, as devoted HWF fans cloud the cameras view, each trying to be seen on television. The camera pushes through the ruckus as Randall has thrown Dark Force into the arena walls. The walls are clearly made of a hard dry wall as the outer covering comes off on impact. Randall stomps away on Dark Force as a fan gives Randall his chair, telling him to use it. Randall is happy to oblige, simply throwing the chair down upon the body of Dark Force. Dark Force has been bloodied as Chris Randall grabs him by the hair.)
Tim: Come on, this has got to end soon!
(Randall shoves Dark Force back into the crowd as a few fans are caught in the way and fall to the floor. Randall seems to careless, kicking Dark Force in the ribs.)
Jeff: Stupid people! Get out of the way!
(Randall is in the sea of fans, taking attention away from Dark Force. Randall then turns back to Dark Force, but is nailed with a low blow! Dark Force uses Randall to get to his feet. Dark Force grabs Loco by the hair and tosses him back over the railing, beside the tables. Dark Force practically falls over the railing, but manages to get to his feet. He slowly rolls Randall onto the tables and climbs onto the ring apron. Dark Force leaps onto the top rope and goes for an Asai moonsault! Chris Randall gets off the tables as Dark Force crashes through the two tables!!! The crowd starts a chant of "HOLY SHIT!" as Chris Randall takes another table from under the ring. Randall sets the table up right on top of the broken ones, then pulls Dark Force out of the rubble. Randall turns Dark Force around and lifts him onto his shoulders, bringing the crowd to an insane high.)
Tim: Look out!
(Randall then nails the reverse Death Valley Driver through the table!!!)
Jeff: Locobazooka!!!
(Randall rolls Dark Force onto his back and drapes an arm over him, as the ref makes the count. 1....2...3!)
Tim: "Loco" Chris Randall has won this match in AWESOME fashion!!!
Jeff: Uh, oh... Here comes a stretcher for Dark Force.
(The EMTs push the stretcher down the aisle, passing Chris Randall walking to the back. The EMTs sift through the table rubble to Dark Force, and check on his condition. Moments later they begin to put Dark Force on the backboard. The bloodied Dark Force struggles to get them off of him and they step back. Dark Force gets to his knees and slowly starts to crawl past the ring. He stumbles to his feet and limps out as the crowd cheers.)
Tim: Dark Force may have been beaten but he is still walking out of here.
(Cut to backstage where Chris Goings is dressed in casual clothes, apparently walking out of the arena. From behind, Joseph Steele nails him with forearm! Steele stomps on Chris as Chris gets up. Both men trade blows and fight down the hall as the shot goes back in the arena.)
Jeff: Chris Goings and Joseph Steele are going at it!
Tim: Something should culminate out of that... well, I believe it's time for the next match.
(A hush falls over the crowd as "Nobody's Real" hits the PA. Flames burst from atop the HWF-Tron and pyro explodes in the aisle way. Justin Storm walks out, carrying a Singapore cane. Justin walks to the ring, and rolls in.)
Announcer: The following match is a casket match! The winner of the match reserves the rights to the name 'Storm.' Currently in the ring, JUSTIN STORM!!!
(As the announcer finishes, "Better Than You" hits the PA. Silver spotlights shine around the arena then center on the entranceway. Gold pyro bursts from the floor in front of the HWF-Tron as a casket appears in the aisle. Pushing the casket, is Lance Sterling. Sterling pushes it to ringside, then he slides in the ring. He then flexes for the crowd and walks to the corner.)
Announcer: …and his opponent, "SIMPLY PERFECT" LANCE STERLING!!!
(The announcer finishes and immediately, "New Noise" by Refused hits the PA. The crowd jumps to their feet and cheers.)
Jeff: It's the World Champ! "The Icon" is here!
("The Icon" J. Simon Rykopathe comes running from the back, carrying a flaming chair! He dives in the ring. Justin Storm attempts a clothesline, but "The Icon" ducks. "The Icon" levels Justin Storm with the chair and Storm hits the mat. Rykopathe trash talks Storm until he is blind sided by Lance Sterling!)
Tim: What!?
(Sterling knocks Rykopathe to the mat and grabs the flaming chair. Sterling wails on the World champion as Justin Storm gets to his feet. Storm grabs the chair from Sterling and gets his shots in on the champ.)
Jeff: Are Justin Storm and Lance Sterling working together?
Tim: It looks like it!
(Lance Sterling gets to the outside and opens the casket. Justin Storm screams, "I AM THE ICON!!!" before pushing "The Icon" into the casket!)
Jeff: Rykopathe is in the casket!!
(Storm and Sterling both begin pushing the casket up the aisle, as "Loco" Chris Randall and Marcus "NBK" Fernandez intercept. Storm and Fernandez are exchanging blow as are Sterling and Randall. Sterling and Storm are forced to the back by the Hardcore Revolution. Randall and Fernandez come back and open the casket. They help "The Icon" out of the casket, as he is a little whoosie. They help Rykopathe to the back.)
Tim: Rykopathe has been dismantled by Storm and Sterling! I thought those two were bitter enemies!
Jeff: Maybe they just came together for the same cause.
Tim: Either way, "The Icon" has a little less than an hour to get ready for his World title match.
(All of a sudden you hear "Messiah" by Fear Factory playing from out of nowhere. The lights go out and the music continues playing.)
(Then the music turns down and you hear a voice.)
Voice: My rebirth is upon you. You will not be able to stop my anger. You will not be able to stop cruelty. You will understand the way or you will be obsolete. For in my second coming, all who have trespassed against me. Beware the Shadows of Dusk.
("Messiah" begins to get louder as the man’s voice fades. The music plays for a moment or two and then it stops as quick as it came. The lights come back on.)
Jeff: Uh…
Tim: What was that?
Jeff: After that, I believe we've got a little promo to play.
(Cut to tape)
Coming Soon to a theatre near you...
(The opening shot is in a dark room. It is quiet except for a slight "THUMP" heard in the distance. The camera slowly begins to pan the room and it is seen that we are in a living room, or a den perhaps. The camera begins to move forward, and as it does so, the "THUMP" is heard again, only now a bit louder. A faint noise is heard immediately after the "THUMP" is heard. The camera moves into the next room, which appears to be a bedroom. The bed is large and unmade, and the sheets are in disarray. The "THUMP" is heard much louder now, and a sound of "MMM" can be heard right after. The camera continues to move forward, until it has reached the kitchen. Standing at the counter with his back to the camera is none other than THORNE REINHARDT. His hands move slowly up-and-down at waist level. Every time his hand moves down towards his waist, the "THUMP" is heard. It is a very "Meaty" sound.)
Thorne: "MMM....this is gonna be SOOOOOO GOOOOD...MMM"
(His hand goes up and then down. "THUMP")
Thorne: "Oh yeah....MMMM."
(His hand goes up and then down. "THUMP")
Thorne: "My god....just look at how big it is..."
(His hand goes up and then down. "THUMP")
Thorne: "MMM....it's so red and tender too...MMM"
(His hand goes up and then down. "THUMP")
Thorne: "Uh-oh...I think it's...."
(His hand goes up and then down. "THUMP")
Thorne(reaching ecstasy): "Oh god...this is it!"
(It is quiet for a moment, and then the sound of SIZZLING is heard. The camera pans around to Thorne's side, and it is seen that he has just finished TENDERIZING A STEAK, which is now FRYING IN A PAN ON THE OVEN. Thorne looks
at the camera with his famed "Cocky-jackass" smile.)
Thorne: "Well what did you think I was doing??? God you people are sick!"
(The camera slowly fades to black. As it does so, the title flashes across the screen...)
DU HAST -The Movie:
"Thorne Beats His Meat"
(Back to the arena.)
Tim: Um...
(Jeff has keeled over laughing)
Jeff: O-o-oh my g-god!!!
Tim: Jeff, get a hold of yourself.
Jeff: O-okay...
Tim: Fans, it's time for our next match. This match promises to be a thriller as it is a triple threat thumbtacks galore match! "Vicious" Vic Williams, Thorne Reinhardt, and Sammy "Armageddon" Argon will battle for a shot at the Hardcore title next Saturday on Suicide!
(The arena goes quiet and the lights go down low. Then Anti Christ Superstar begins to play over the PA. Then the pyros fly from the top of the ramp and in a spotlight, Sammy Argon is seen. He is holding a barb wire wrapped baseball bat in his hand. He is wearing jeans and a HWF tee shirt. The crowd cheers for the hardcore crazed maniac. He gets into the ring and grabs one of the tacks scattered on the mat. He then puts it into his mouth and swallows it.)
Jeff: That psycho!!!
Tim: What the hell is wrong with him!!?!?
(The lights begin to strobe to the beat of "Du Hast". Thorne steps out from behind the curtain with an angry sneer plastered across his face. He stops half way down the aisle and begins to taunt fans at random. A few fans have to be restrained by security. Thorne sneers at them, and continues his walk to the ring. He steps over the top rope and holds his arms up in the air screaming for respect from the booing fans.)
Tim: This big German is perhaps the most hated wrestler in the HWF at this time.
Jeff: I love it! He's great!
(Sammy doesn't wait for Vic, he goes after the big German with his barb wire baseball bat. Thorne gets mad and pushes Sammy to the ground on the nails covering the mat.)
Jeff: Thorne isn't gonna take that crap from Argon!
(Just then, the lights drop as the lights flicker white, as smoke bellows from the entranceway. The crowd gets to their feet and cheers for the HWF Legend, the Vicious One. Helena by the Misfits blasts, as pictures of the deceased Rennee Williams show on the big screen, as Vic makes a run into the ring, and slides under the ropes, his trench coat trailing behind. He attacks the downed Sammy Argon as the music ends.)
Tim: Vic's here! Look out, Sammy!
(Vic and Thorne begin beating the crap out of Sammy. They pick him up and powerbomb him right on the tacks. Then Vic punches the big German right in the face. Thorne looks at Vic as if there were no effect. They lock up and Thorne scoops up Vic and slams him down hard on the tacks. Sammy is slowly getting up with tacks covering his back. Thorne walks over to him and choke slams him right back down on the tacks. Vic is back up and he jumps on the German's back. Thorne tries to slam Vic into the corner but he jumps up on the ropes still holding Thorne's head. He then jumps over Thorne with his head still in grasp and hits a Diamond Duster.)
Tim: Diamond Dust!!!!
(Thorne falls to the mat as the now bloody mess called Sammy gets up. Vic and Sammy now begin beating on Thorne. Sammy picks up Thorne and gives him a double underhook DDT headfirst onto the tacks. Sammy roles over Thorne to see four tacks stuck in the German's head. Blood has begun to appear on Thorne's forehead. Sammy goes for the pin, but is broken up by Vic with a boot to the back of Sammy's head. Sammy gets up and Vic and Sammy begin to brawl. Sammy snap suplexes Vic right onto the tacks. Then he picks him right back up and gives him the Slingshot Driver.)
Ref: ONE, TWO, Vic kicks out!!
(All three men are now bloody and have tacks stuck in them. Sammy goes and tries to pin Thorne now.)
Ref: ONE, TW Thorne kicks out.
Jeff: Sammy just can't get a break.
(Sammy frustrated now and rolls outside the ring. He goes under the ring and grabs a table. Sammy slides it into the ring and then grabs another table from under the ring. He slides that into the ring as well. As he bends down to get yet another table, you see Vic roll outside the other side of the ring. Sammy wipes the blood from his eyes and slides the third table into the ring. Vic has gotten a chair and he walks around to the side of the ring that Sammy was on. But, Sammy rolls back into the ring and grabs a table to set up. He sees Vic climbing up on the apron. Then he see Thorne beginning to get up and Sammy looks back and fourth at the two men. Vic begins to enter the ring as Thorne is now to his feet. Sammy runs and drop kicks Vic who tries to hit him with the chair. The chair smashes into Vic's face and sends him back outside the ring. But, as Sammy gets back to his feet, he is grabbed by Reinhardt from behind. Thorne over powers Sammy and the German suplexes him right onto the tack. Thorne gets up and you see the tacks that stuck into his back. Now Thorne goes outside the ring and grabs Vic by the hair. Vic fights back as they exchange blows. Thorne and Vic begin fighting their way up the rampway and to the entranceway. The now very bloody Sammy is just laying on the mat surrounded by tacks.)
Jeff: Where are they going?
Tim: Who knows? Sammy Argon is in trouble in the ring.
(Vic and Thorne have now left the entranceway and are no longer seen. But, there are some cameramen in the back who begin to film them fighting. Thorne whips Vic into a bunch of trashcans. Vic doesn't fall, he jumps at Thorne who catches him and throws him onto the cement floor. The cameras go back to Sammy who is getting up. He is looking around and doesn't see his opponents. He looks at the crowd and says "where are they?" The crowd members begin pointing toward the entranceway. So Sammy begins to set up the tables. He lays one standing up in the corner. Then he puts one in the middle of the ring. Sammy now slides out of the ring with the third one. Sets that up outside the ring and grabs the chair Vic was trying to use earlier. The bloody Sammy looks pumped up as he walks up the rampway and through the entranceway.)
Tim: They gave Sammy time to get energized and now he's pissed!!!
(The camera goes back to Vic and Thorne, who have now battle their way up the upper level of the Elk's Lodge. Vic is holding his own against the big German. Just then you see Sammy appear with chair in hand. He goes to hit Vic but, he dodges it and it slams right into Reinhardt's head. The big German falls to the ground like a big oak tree. Vic superkicks Sammy right in the face. He picks up Sammy by the hair and begins to bring him back to the lower level of the arena.)
Jeff: Here they come again!
(They get back down to the ring area. Vic rolls Sammy into the ring and then follows behind him. Vic grabs Sammy and gives him the 3D right on the table put in the corner. Then he picks Sammy back up and puts him on the table in the middle of the ring. Vic now rolls back outside and walks back up the rampway. The cameras follow him as he goes to the back. Vic makes his way up the upper level and he sees that Thorne is getting up. So Vic picks up the chair and nails Thorne with it. Thorne goes back down and Vic walks right by him and out to the seating area. The crowd cheers for the HWF Legend as he walks through the seating rows. Vic walks up the balcony and climbs up on it. The crowd begins to cheer as he holds his arms to the side looking down at the prone Sammy on the table. Vic then jumps off the balcony flipping in mid air hitting Sammy with an enormous Senton Bomb.)
JEFF: OH MY GOD!!!!!
(Vic hits Sammy and the table breaks immediately. A "HOLY SHIT" chant break out as Sammy lays motionless as you see the effects of Vic hitting the tack covered mat so hard. His whole back has tacks all on it. The blood is just dripping down his body. But, he manages to get his arm over for the count.)
Ref: ONE, TWO, THREE!!!!
Tim: It's all over!!! Vic Williams is the new Number One Contender for the Hardcore title!!!
Jeff: This match was incredible!!
Tim: Sure was! Now, as the ring is cleared out I've got some HUGE news for the HWF. Approximately a month and a half ago, construction began in Canton, Ohio on the HWF ARENA!!! Yes, you heard right, the HWF is getting its own arena! The arena is almost ready for it's grand opening, coming within the next month. The arena can hold approximately 1500 people. You can find more on the new arena at the HWF web site, and very soon you'll be seeing some blue prints and pictures of the arena.
Jeff: I can't wait for that.
Tim: Yeah and the HWF Head Quarters will be in the HWF arena on the second floor, so Canton will be the HWF's city!
Jeff: Alright, it's time for the next match.
("REVOLUTION!" is heard over the PA. system and is shortly followed by the loud sound of Limp Bizkit's Break Stuff. The lights begin to flash different amounts of numerous colors as The Revolution Brad Hunter walks out from the entranceway. The crowd gives him an enormous amount of cheers as Hunter makes his way down the isle. Brad Hunter jumps up on top of the apron and hops over the top ropes. Then waits for his monster of a partner.)
Tim: Brad Hunter looks ready.
(The arena lights drop to a dim red haze. Suddenly the stage and ramp erupt in bright red pyros. As the flames comedown they continue to burn about three feet tall. With the entire ramp and stage covered in flames. Highway to hell by AC/DC begins to play, and the man that is Cerebus walks out from the back and into the flames. Then Rebecca steps out as well wearing a black trench coat and wades through the flames as well. The effect is awesome, and the whole crowd shudders under the sight. A few folks in the front rows draw back from the flames. Wearing a black shirt with the word "Fury" across the front of it in deep red letters. He steps down the ramp through the flames. When he gets to the apron, the flames slowly flicker down and out. Cerebus snickers a bit, and rolls under the ropes, and into the ring. With Cerebus holding the ropes open, Rebecca climbs the stairs and ducks through the ropes. With smoke rising off of his body Cerebus steps to one corner, and climbs the turnbuckle while Rebecca stands defiantly in the center of the ring.)
Jeff: Man, Rebecca is HOT!
(Just then, the music from 2001 Space Odyssey begins to play. Then the Heavenly Hansens walk out and come down to the ring very slowly smiling at all the fans. Women on each arm of Vic and Stew.. Has a cocky look on there face with Johnny Love behind them clapping and pointing at them. They get to the ring and let the women circle around inside waving at the crowd. Then the Heavenly Hansens give their robes to the women and the women leave.)
Jeff: Ahh… DAMNIT!
(It appears that the bigger of the two teams are going to start the match. Cerebus and Stew lock it up in the center of the ring. Stew is over powered by the massive Cerebus and he is thrown into the ropes with great forces. Then Stew is violently grounded by a huge clothesline by Cerebus. Who begins flexing as Stew gets back up cautiously. Stew attempts another lock up but this time he kicks Cerebus in his groin. Followed by Stew sending Cerebus into the corner. Stew lays in some chops as the crowd "woos.")
Jeff: Damn Ric Flair… Why'd he have to start that?
Tim: Ugh…
(But, it appears that the chops are doing no good on this monster of a man. Stew shakes his hands showing that it might have hurt him more then Cerebus. So Stew grabs Cerebus by the arm and tries to send him to the other corner. But, Cerebus stop him and reverses sending Stew into the other corner. He hits the corner so hard that he bounces off and is flatted by a running clothesline by Cerebus. Who then picks Stew back up and lifts him over his head. Cerebus begins pressing him into the air with ease. Then drops him from the gorilla press hard to the mat. Cerebus looking bored now picks Stew back up to be hit with another low blow. Stew then DDTs Cerebus into the mat. He drops a few boots on him and then bounces off the ropes and hits a leg drop. Then he gets up and tags in Vic.)
Tim: Here comes "Slick".
(Vic gets into the ring quickly and stomps on Cerebus' chest. Then bounces off the ropes and hits a rolling knee drop. But, the massive Cerebus begins to get up. Vic then bounces off the ropes and hits the rising Cerebus with a bulldog. This time he stays down for some boots to the back of his head.)
Jeff: Vic is getting the better hand on the big man.
(Outside the ring, Rebecca is yelling to get Cerebus back in this match, who is still getting beaten by the Heavenly Hansen. Vic picks up Cerebus by his hair and then gives him a snap mare into a headlock. The crowd boos at the disapproval of the move. Vic just smiles and continues the move. He is wearing down the big man and the ref begins to check Cerebus' arm. He lifts it up then lets go and it falls to the mat. The Ref lifts it again and lets go but it stays up.)
Tim: Cerebus isn't out of it yet!
(Cerebus tries to power out of this move. He gets up on his knees with Vic still have the headlock on. Then he quickly stands up with Vic on his back. Then he jumps back smashing Vic hard into the mat. Both men are down laying on the mat.)
Jeff: That was a desperation move by Cerebus!
(Johnny Love now begins yelling to get his man up. But, Cerebus is getting up to his feet first. He picks up Vic and back body drops him over toward Cerebus corner. He slowly gets up and tags in Brad Hunter. He picks up Vic and throws him outside the ring. You now see Rebecca setting up a table outside the ring. Johnny Love now sees this and makes his way over there. But, he is met by the 6'8, 333 lbs. Cerebus. He puts his hands up in the air and backs up. Hunter goes outside the ring now and begins pounding on the Hansen brother. He puts him on the set up table. But, Stew comes running around the ring and nails Brad with a chair. He then looks at Rebecca and lifts the chair up in the air to hit her. But, Cerebus pushes her out of the way and takes the chair shot. It dazes the big man for a moment but he shakes it off. Stew lifts the now bent chair in the air again. He drops it back down but it is grabbed by Cerebus. Cerebus kicks him in the stomach and picks him up and powerbombs him on Vic and right through the table.)
Tim: Good God!!!
(Johnny Love tries to come over and help his men, but he is blocked by the massive Cerebus again. Hunter throws Stew over to Johnny and throws Vic back into the ring. Johnny helps Stew back over to their corner. Hunter climbs the ropes and jumps off with a 450 splash. But, Vic rolls out of the way and Hunter hits the mat hard. Vic rolls over for the pin.)
Jeff: This could be it!
Ref: One, Two, Hunter kicks out!
Tim: Close one!
(Vic slowly gets up with Hunter in his grasp. He sends him into the corner and gives him the chops. The crowd "woo, woos" again with every chop sent into Brad's chest. Unlike Cerebus, Hunter is feeling these chops. Then Vic brings Hunter out to the middle of the ring and Irish whips him into the ropes and nails a spine buster. Vic now tags back in Stew as Hunter lays on the mat holding his back. Stew goes in and drops down on top of Hunter for the pin.)
Ref: One, Two, Hunter kicks out.
(Rebecca begins pounding on the mat to try to get the fans to rally behind Hunter. She gets her wish as the fans begins chanting, "REVOLUTION, REVOLUTION." Stew yells to the fans to shut up and picks Brad off the mat. The fans still chatting even after Stews complaint. Stew drops Hunter on his knees and goes back to yelling at the crowd. When he turns around he is kicked in the stomach and given a double underhook DDT.)
Tim: Stew had better get his mind off of the crowd.
(Hunter crawls over and tags in a fresh Cerebus. He grabs Stew and picks him up in a suplex, holds him there for a minute and then drops him down into a backbreaker. Vic comes into the ring and is booted in the gut by Cerebus. Then Cerebus picks up Vic in a powerbomb and powerbombs him over the ropes and onto the floor. Now Cerebus turns around and attempts to pin Stew.)
Ref: ONE, TWO, THREE!!!
Tim: BRAD HUNTER AND CEREBUS ARE THE NEW CHAMPS!!!
Jeff: Wait a minute! They aren't finished!
(Rebecca has attacked Johnny Love on the outside and rolls him in the ring. She gets in the ring through the bottom ropes, as Cerebus and Brad Hunter look on. They celebrate and begin laughing as Rebecca has mounted Johnny Love and is bitch-slapping him again and again!)
Jeff: Hehehe!
(Rebecca stands up and walks over to her team, as they congratulate her. Suddenly, a voice comes over the PA.)
Voice: Hold on just a damn second. How can you have new champions when they never defeated the former champions? Or should I say...current?
Tim: Wait, that voice sounds familiar. Can that be...?
(All of a sudden, Biff Marx and Marcus Shields walk out to the rampway with the tag team titles around their waists)
Biff: Oh, you're damn right! The School House Rocks are back! And this time, we're gonna beat ass like never before. Starting with Cerebus and Brad Hunter.
Marcus: Not so fast, buddy. Let's just explain ourselves firstly. Well, we were never broken up. We never had a fight. In fact, we've always been cool with each other. The main purpose for our disappearance is to up the tag division a notch. When we won the tag titles, we had nobody to defend them against. It was a total travesty. So we took some time off, trained a bit more, and hoped that the tag division would beef up. And I see it has quite a bit. Not exactly what we wanted, but it will just have to do.
Biff: I've been out of the ring for awhile now. Man, it was hard to stay away. Every waking moment, I just wanted to kill someone. But now we're back, and we're still the champs. So Cerebus and Hunter, if you want these tag belts, you can get a shot at the next Suicide. Because you never won the tag titles. In our eyes, you won the number one contendership, and that's about it.
Marcus: That's right, big man. So if you want to cry and moan about being screwed or something, you can take it up with Chaz. But until then, you'll have to wait until Suicide to get them.
(Biff and Marcus drop their mics and walk to the back.)
Tim: School House Rocks is back!!! I guess Brad Hunter and Cerebus aren't the tag champs… Or are they?
(Cerebus and Hunter are irate in the ring, but Rebecca calms them down. The trio begins to walk to the back as the mainly male crowd is mixed with catcalls and chants of "SHOW YOUR TITS". Rebecca smiles and waves to the crowd as she goes through the curtain, disappointed the crowd.)
Tim: Well… you win some and you lose some.
Jeff: Damn, Cerebus is lucky…
Tim: Well as the testosterone level in the Elk's Lodge skyrockets, I believe it's time for our next match!
Jeff: As the crew wraps the ring ropes in barbwire, let's take a look at this feud…
(Cut to tape)
Saturday Suicide, February 26
(Thunder then puts NBK into a standing head scissors. Thunder lifts him up and hitting a running Lyger bomb! Thunder gets up and drops a leg drop across the neck of NBK. All of a sudden, Justin Storm comes running out of the locker room.)
Tim: Justin Storm! What's he doing here?
(He has a Singapore Cane in hand. He runs down to the cage and shoves the referee standing at he door out of the way. He opens the door and slides in. Storm goes over to nail Thunder, but instead turns and nails NBK over the head with the Singapore Cane.)
Jeff: He just nailed Marcus Fernandez!
(Storm then climbs up to the top of the turnbuckle, he jumps off and nails the Torrential Downpour, a frog splash.)
Tim: The Torrential Downpour!! What is Justin Storm trying to do?!
(Storm climbs out of the ring and walks to the locker room area. Thunder looks on, smirking. He picks up NBK, turning him around to face his back. Thunder then lifts him up, hitting the reverse spine bomb the Thunderbolt!)
Jeff: Thunderbolt!!! It's over!
(Thunder slowly walks over to the door and gets out! The bell sounds.)
Tim: New champion! New champion! Thunder is the Hardcore champion!
Saturday Suicide; March 4
(Edgecrusher picks Thunder to his feet and attempts a whip, but Thunder reverses it. He sends Edgecrusher colliding with Shocker! Shocker flies to the outside as Edgecrusher is dazed. Thunder then applies a standing head scissors and nails a sitdown powerbomb! The crowd erupts but not for Thunder. Instead, Marcus "NBK" Fernandez is running out! Chris Randall quickly dives in the ring, seeking shelter from NBK. NBK dives in the ring but is caught by a clothesline from Thunder! Thunder pounds away on NBK as Randall cheers on. Randall still has the chair in hand, as he tells Thunder to hold NBK.)
Tim: Uh, oh! Come on, this isn't right.
(Randall winds up his chair as Thunder grabs a hold of Fernandez.)
Tim: No, no! Don't do that!
(Randall then swings as NBK seems to be fine and ducks the chair shot! Thunder is blasted with the chair but still standing in a dazed manner. NBK then grabs his head and nails a reverse neck breaker! Fernandez and Randall begin to stomp away on Thunder, then NBK grabs a mic.)
Fernandez: Extream! The Hardcore Revolution is growing stronger! I present to you, the first in a line of new members, "Loco" Chris Randall!!
(The crowd cheers as the Hardcore Revolution leaves. Edgecrusher then quickly dives in the ring as the referee reluctantly makes the three count!)
Tim: New Breed has won this match… Thunder was surely going to beat Edgecrusher but he cannot out do four men and a steel chair.
Jeff: Exactly… next Sunday, Marcus Fernandez and Thunder will try to settle this issue at Parade of Cannibals 2!
(Fade back to the arena, where the ring ropes have been wrapped in barbwire and a ladder, also wrapped in barbwire, stands in the center.)
Tim: Folks, it's go time!
(The crowd waits in anticipation as "Shock the Monkey" booms onto the PA. Orange and blue pyro go off right at the center of the entranceway, blinding those who stare at it. As the pyro continues, a figure can be seen in the center of it. Marcus Fernandez steps out, screaming to the fans. NBK walks down the aisle, and enters the ring with a mixed reaction.)
Jeff: The former Hardcore champ is in the ring.
(The lights fade to black, the arena only lit by "Dead-Heads" swaying their lighters in the air. The rumble of Thunder beckons of the PA as silver and blue flames burst from the top of the HWF-Tron. "Breathe" by Prodigy blasts upon the sound system as Thunder steps out of the curtain, holding both arms in the air and the Hardcore title hanging from one hand. The lights return to normal as the crowd cheers and boos for the Hardcore champ, as he walks down the aisle. He calmly climbs the ring stairs, examining the barbwire.)
Tim: This feud has come to this: a head on collision.
(The bell sounds as the unlucky referee enters the ring. NBK and Thunder eye each other up from across the ring, then come to the center of the ring, each standing on one side of the ladder. Neither man blinks, simply stares ahead.)
Jeff: The tension levels is simply amazing in that ring right now!
(Out of nowhere, Fernandez shoves the ladder towards Thunder. Thunder catches it and shoves it back. NBK leaps into the air and dropkicks the ladder and it collides with Thunder. Thunder hits the mat and the ladder lands on his back. The barbwire on the ladder sticks to the attire of Thunder as NBK pulls it off of him. Marcus grabs Thunder by the hair and brings him to his feet. NBK nails a right haymaker and sends Thunder reeling. Thunder returns with a haymaker of his own. Both men trade punches until Thunder backs NBK to the ropes. Thunder shoves NBK back into the barbwire, as NBK falls into a sittin position against the barbwire. Marcus' shirt is torn as Thunder pulls him back up.)
Tim: Marcus is sliced up!
(Thunder grabs the shoulder and arm of NBK and tosses him right on top of the ladder! The steel ladder shows no give as NBK bounces off of it. The barbwire on the ladder becomes caught on the shirt of Marcus. Thunder stomps NBK into the corner, then picks him up. Thunder attempts a whip, but NBK reverses and immediately nails a drop toe hold sending Thunder face first into the ladder!!)
Jeff: OH MY GOD!!!!
(Marcus grabs Thunder by the hair and pulls him to a standing head scissors on the ladder. Fernandez lifts Thunder up into a piledriver, and hooks one of Thunder's leg and drills a cradle piledriver on the ladder!!! Thunder insanely bounces off the ladder and immediately grabs the top of his head. NBK is up and pushes the ladder into the center of the ring. He goes back to Thunder and grabs him by the hair. As Marcus brings him to his feet, you can see blow flowing from Thunder's forehead. NBK attempts a whip but Thunder reverses. Marcus goes flying into the barbwire, flipping over the ropes backwards! The barbwire is caught up on his clothes and skin, as he hangs upside down on the outside of the ropes!)
Tim: Fernandez is stuck upside down on the barbwire!!!!
(Thunder takes a moment to breathe, then picks up the ladder. Thunder has the top end pointing towards NBK and charges, knocking the ladder right through the ropes and into the face of NBK!!! Marcus falls off of the rope and crashes to the floor, and the ladder falls on top of him!!! Thunder falls to his knees, now realizing his face is covered in blood. Oddly enough, a smirk comes over his face as he gets back to his feet. Fernandez is still underneath the ladder on the outside, not moving.)
Tim: NBK is in trouble!
(Thunder climbs the turnbuckle from inside and stands on the outside of the second rope. He jumps down with a double stomp to the ladder, smashing it into the body of Fernandez!!! Thunder trips on the ladder on the impact and falls to the floor, but quickly gets to his feet. The Hardcore champ circles the ring, taking a steel chair from ringside. He walks back over to Marcus Fernandez and wails on the ladder! NBK smartly rolls under the ring, hidden from sight.)
Jeff: That coward, he's running away!!!
(Thunder laughs at NBK and lifts up the ring apron. Thunder is shocked to find a spray of a fire extinguisher! The crowd cheers as Marcus gets back out from under the ring. He continues to spray Thunder with the extinguisher, now turning him chalky white.)
Jeff: Ahhh!!
(NBK then throws the extinguisher onto Thunder's back. Marcus pulls Thunder to his feet and slides him into the ring. Thunder is sliced by the barbwire and Marcus is still wrapped in it from the ladder. Fernandez carefully gets under the ropes, but is still caught in the wire. He frees himself and goes to the attack. He stomps on the back of Thunder then hits a leg drop to the back of his head. NBK once again pulls Thunder to a standing position and whips him to the ropes. Thunder hits the barbwire and falls to the mat, with the barbwire sticking to his back. NBK tells a ring crewmember to get him a table and the guy does. The guy holds the table in the air as Marcus pulls it into the ring.)
Tim: Oh, no! The table factor is coming into play!
(Marcus doesn't set the table up, instead, he places the flat table on the back of Thunder. NBK then slowly climbs the turnbuckle, reaching the top. He dives backwards and nails a moonsault right onto the table and Thunder!!! NBK rolls off in pain, evidently landing on the steel legs. Both men lie on the mat, until Marcus slowly gets to his feet. He picks the table off of Thunder and slowly sets it up. The table is cock-eyed as the leg is bent. Marcus then slowly pulls Thunder to his feet. Fernandez picks the champ onto his shoulders for a fireman's carry, then nails a Death Valley Driver through the table!!! Thunder is completely out of it, as his head violently shakes for a moment.)
Jeff: I think Thunder is in shock!!!
(NBK crawls to his feet and begins to pick up the ladder, until the crowd erupts in cheers. NBK looks up to see "Vicious" Vic Williams running down the aisle!)
Tim: Vic is in the ring! Vic is in the ring!
(Vic slides in the ring, as NBK is trying to find out why Vic is here. Vic kicks NBK in the mid section and grabs his head, nailing the 3D onto the ladder!!!)
Jeff: Sweet Jesus!!!
(Vic then grabs Thunder and pulls him to his feet and 3D's him onto the remnants of the table!!!)
Tim: Holy Moses!!
(Vic then rolls NBK onto his back and pulls Thunder's arm over NBK. Williams tells the ref to count, but the ref explains it's a ladder match.)
Jeff: I think Vic is helping out Thunder! They're in cahoots!
(Vic nails the ref with a right hand, then gets Thunder back to his feet. Vic nails ANOTHER 3D right onto the ref!)
Jeff: …or maybe not.
(Williams gets out of the ring and leaves, leaving the ring full of bodies. Nobody even moves for awhile, until Marcus begins to stir. His face has become a crimson mask as he struggles to his feet. NBK limps over to Thunder and tries to pull his limp body up. Thunder nails a low blow out of nowhere and NBK falls to his knees. Thunder crawls ever so slowly to the ladder. He picks the ladder up and then swings it around, nailing Marcus in the skull with it!!)
Tim: Fernandez just got back from a three week injury from a concussion! He may very well have another!!!
(Thunder slowly sets the ladder up and begins to climb. It takes probably fifteen seconds for Thunder to get up each rung. Thunder reaches the top and grabs onto the belt.)
Jeff: Thunder wins!!!
(NBK dives from the mat and nails the ladder!!! The ladder tips over with Thunder on top!!! Thunder flies through the air and crashes through the timekeeper's table with a sickening thud.)
Jeff: OH…MY…GOD…
(NBK then grabs the ladder and sets it back up. Marcus slowly climbs to the top of the ladder, reaching for the belt. He grasps it with his hands and yanks it off the cable!!!)
Tim: New champ! New champ! Marcus Fernandez is the Hardcore champion once again!!!
(Immediately, he collapses and falls fifteen feet to the mat!!! The bell sounds as the crowd is insane. EMTs rush out to the disaster area. They attach both NBK and Thunder to separate backboards and load them onto stretchers. Each man also has a neck brace on as they are wheeled to the ambulances.)
Jeff: What an unbelievable match!!! It's a wonder those guys are even alive after that!!!
Tim: You said it! They gave everything they had tonight!
Jeff: Simply… incredible.
("Sugar" by System of a Down hits the PA. Suddenly the pyros go off, lighting up the arena, then they all stop, and a spotlight shines up at the ceiling, the crowd goes into a series of boos as they see Lukas Williams come down in a suede jacket and blue jeans.)
Tim: Lukas Williams!!! He's back!!!
(Lukas looks around and spits into the crowd. The crowd is all worked up and are booing like crazy. Lukas stands up in the corner of the ring and puts the mic to his mouth).
Lukas: "Ladies and Gentledicks, welcome to the HWF. And welcome to a night in history. The return of Lukas Williams. The return of me. The greatest wrestler ever, and the greatest wrestler to be. Now don't be surprised if the roster suddenly downward spirals. That's just because they've all decided to make a break for it, before it's their turn to wrestle the most
feared, powerful, skilled, and most punishing athlete...me. Now I know you all feel like running away right now, but can't because your fat asses are stuck in your chairs, but keep scoffing down that popcorn, cause you ain't getting any thinner. But I've been watching the show for a while, I've noticed that there are a lot of new people here. Obviously under names because I've never heard of them. Yet more importantly, ICON is the champ! That guy who prances around in pink and purple panties is holding the greatest title ever around his fat gut. And what an embarrassment, this guy can't be your
hero! He's a fucking pansy! I should be your hero, your idol, the true ICON. *crowd booing*, but because you're all stoned and drunk half your life you don't know who to look up to. Not filthy creatures like ICON, or *in a British accent* Lance Sterling *back to Texas accent *, you should be watching me! Me kick their fancy panty asses from one side of the ring to
the other! Dragging their puny pimply asses around until they bleed. So people, get ready, this is the beginning of a new era, the beginning of me. Lukas Williams is back in town, and things are gonna be quite a bit different from now on."
(Lukas throws the mic down and walks up the aisle. The crowd is throwing drinks at him. Lukas grabs a box of popcorn from a little boy's hand and tips it all over his head, then spits in his mothers eye. Then continues to walk away, with his music blaring.)
Jeff: Whoo hoo! He's back!
Tim: What a jerk!
Jeff: You're just jealous!
Tim: Fans, we're at the end of the line. The final match… The World title match.
Jeff: As the ring crew sets up the 4 Pits of Pain, let's here some words from the wrestlers…
(Cut to tape)
(Inside the Elks lodge Extream is yet again sitting. But this time he is sitting in front of a burger and fries.)
Extream- Ahh yes, a good old American burger. My favorite meal.
(The same waiter from in the morning walks out of the kitchen with that smirk on his face again. He walks over to Extream's table.)
Waiter- Mr. Extream.
Extream-Yes?
(The waiter grabs Extream's burger and spits in it. Extream looks at the man with a pissed off face.)
Extream-What the hell do you think you are doing?
Waiter- Careful there sir, remember a while back, you aren't allowed to lay a hand on anyone outside of the wrestling arena.
Extream-Hey, your right.
(Extream laughs at the guy and decks him in the face knocking him to the ground. He turns around on his stomach and starts to crawl away.)
Extream- You forgot, this is the site of Parade Of Cannibals II. I am inside the wrestling arena. The police said that I can fight within the week of the show. So you my man, have just had your ass kicked.
(Extream grabs his burger and throws it at the waiter, then he goes back to his seat.)
Extream-Now that that is over with I can do a little talking about the PPV. Now Icon like I said this morning I have nothing but respect for you and what you have done. But on Sunday I know that it is maybe my last shot at the title. I am not going to waste any cheap shot, legal shot.....wait every shot it legal, No DQs. That is a good thing for the both of us.
Now you know since you decided to bring your own little toys, I decided to do the same thing.
(Extream reaches into a bag and pulls out two baseball bats wrapped in barbed wire and smiles at them.)
Extream- This just so happens to be my favorite weapon on the face of the earth. If it comes time for me to break this bad boy out, it is going to be planted upside your head. Now that's only if I need it, and knowing how good of a talent you are....I am going to need it.
In this match I am going to have to break out some old school shit. Maybe some of my high flying moves to take you out a little quicker. I am sure you are thinking of a way right now on how to beat me quicker than you could if you just fought your regular style. That's fine by me, it will help make this a match that the fans will love and want to watch over and over. And we won't have to fall off a twenty foot cage to get the fans to watch. All we have to do is fight like we can fight, and this will be, just like you said, a match that will go down in the record books.
Icon, I am going to stop wasting your time with all this talking. I am just going to leave you with this. Sunday night our match will be one of the most sick occasions in wrestling history. I am looking forward to my match with you man. Good luck to you, and we will see who the better man is in two days.
(Extream puts the bat back in the bag and walks out of the restaurant teasing the waiter who had his block knocked off, as the camera fades to the ever so popular black.)
(Fade out and fade back in)
Rykopathe is pushing around a shopping cart at a local Sears Hardware. Lots of people are giving him awkward looks, because he has a lot of sharp objects in his cart.
J. Simon Rykopathe-What the hell are you all looking at? Geez, I know I'm a famous guy and whatnot, but I hate being stared at! Ok, let's just get down to business. I'm in this lovely wood-smelling store because I think that my upcoming match at Parade of Cannibals II isn't quite enough. It has potential, but I think it needs just a bit more....pizzazz to make it the main event I'd like it to be. Extream and I have been building this match up for just about a month now, and this had better be worth the wait. Icon stops a store clerk...Excuse me, do you know where I can find some tables and ladders?
Sears Representative #1-Tables are six, ladders are fourteen.
J. Simon Rykopathe-Alright, thanks. I'll just be on my way over there then.
Sears Representative #1-Hey, aren't you that guy on that wrestling show? Rykocraft, right?
J. Simon Rykopathe-Actually, it's....fuck it. You were close enough. Anyway, let me just get my things.
Sears Representative-Well, since you're famous and all, do you think I could maybe get an autograph or something?
J. Simon Rykopathe-Dude, do you know how many autographs I have to sign day in and day out? I'm gonna get carpal tunnel's or something. And I'm not here to make a new friend. So piss off man. I got shit to do.
Sears Representative #1-Geez, you're a jerkoff. You could've just gave a simple "no." I hope someone seriously kicks your ass soon.
J. Simon Rykopathe-Hasn't happened yet, twerp. J begins to laugh a bit, then walks away...Well, you can't win em all. Oh well. So let's just go to isle six. I hope they got enough weapons here. Now, let's get back to what I was saying. This match doesn't have enough to become main event status in my eyes. And since I got the gold, I make the rules. And I say we add a few more toys to the match. What will they be? Well, tables will be one. But not just any tables. You'll have to find out what I'm doing to them. All that you have to know is that it's going to be sick as all hell. Because Extream, we will both be getting hurt pretty badly in this match. This is not a match of hatred. Because honestly, I don't hate you as bad as I did Michael Trey, Blackjack, Malice, or any of my past feuds. To be frank, I think I respect you. I've thrown obstacle after obstacle at you, and you've gotten past them all. Just look around here. We've got thumbtacks, nails, wood, tables, anything that I could think of using that can inflict pain...all in one store. Usually, people use this shit to make houses or birdhouses, but I am no carpenter. I am an entertainer. Ever since I was a kid, I was always the center of attention. That's why I was voted class clown. I was a weird fucking kid. But now, I'm just sick in the head. I don't really know when the transaction was made from funny to fucked up occurred, but I'm not complaining. Honestly, I kinda like what goes on in my head. Too bad for you that it's going to affect you after Sunday night rolls on through. I'm not going to say that it'll be a one sided battle. Because you know, I know, and the crowd knows that it's going to be a clash of titans. A test to see who the real king is. I've heard people pick me as their favorite to win, mainly because I've got the ball rolling in my favor. Not many people have defeated me in a match. Only one can come to mind, in fact. But then again, others predict that the gold will change hands, and you will be crowned World Champion. But you and I both know that predictions mean shit. Not many people would be willing to get in the ring with the stipulations being added to our match. We're both pretty messed up individuals to agree to this. But not only do I accept the rules, I am raising the bar. I'm bringing myself more weapons, as stated earlier. Hot damn, I can't wait to blow your mind.
There are a few promises that I am going to make to myself, the fans, and you, Extream. First off, I'll start with the fans. I promise the fans that this match will not only be known as the greatest battle in HWF's recent history, it will be known as the most insane, hardcore, extreme match EVER. Not only will someone get cut up and seriously hurt, I can guarantee that one of us will leave in a stretcher. Hell, maybe even the both of us, depending on what the hell is going on. Now, as for myself, I have a few things to say. I will assure myself that I will go home with this World Title, by hook or by crook. I don't care what I have to do to keep this belt around my waist. It's not as bad as knowing that I lost to you. So sorry to my body, but I'm prepared to fuck myself up beyond recognition. Extream, it's time you pay attention. Because the next few things I say WILL happen. Firstly, you will get hurt very badly. Whether I hurt myself or not, that's not the case. I'm gonna throw myself at you like a rag doll, so long as you get the majority of the pain. There will be broken bones, bruises, cuts, scars, and ripped muscles. There will be massive amounts of blood. All of your worst fears in a ring are going to come true as I just start to go ape shit on you.
You call yourself Extream. I find that hard to believe, cause I haven't seen a thing that makes you Extream. Except for the name, that's about it. So I hope that...no, scratch that. I DARE you to fucking hurt me. I DARE you to open up my eyes and make me fear you. That's just how I like it. Being backed into the corner, with only one option: Fight back. I've always been the underdog. I was picked last for the kickball team in elementary school. I was cut from the baseball team. All of these things tell me that I'm not always favored to win, or succeed in anything at that. And you know what I did when I was kicked down? I kicked in the winning run on my kickball team. I changed schools and beat my old school in a baseball game. And just like when we fight, I'm going to show you why I am The Icon. Not because I call myself that. Oh no, that isn't it at all. I am The Icon of the HWF simply because every time I come out to the ring, I put forth 199% in my matches. I am a relentless fuck. Whether it's jumping off of a balcony, defending my life in a Gates to Hell Match, or anything else I can think of, I have never been a quitter. And I have put on a show every single time I come out here. I am the innovator and the leader of the HWF. I started the Hardcore Revolution, the deadliest of alliances. And my resume is just going to get bigger and bigger and bigger. So if you want to claim that you are an Icon, that's fine with me. I'll accept that. Because in your time, you may have been the HWF's franchise player. You may have held all five titles at one time. That's great for you. But that was the past. You lost your stroke man. And you know, if I wanted to hold all three titles, I could. If the HWF added two more titles, I'd gun for those too. But I'm not an idiot. It's bad enough that I've got a mark on my ass from being World Champ, but holding them all must be a fucking drag. So I like to work on one belt at a time. And when it all comes down to something, it's a comparison. You are an Icon....and I am THE Icon!
I bet you people are all wondering why I did what I did at last week's Suicide. Well, I think it was pretty self-explanatory. The Hardcore Revolution was on a downward spiral. Nothing was happening with me. The School House Rocks left. Marcus lost the Hardcore Title. I felt it was time to let people know that we are still at the top. Because lately, guys like Thunder have been running it. Well, it was time for a change. Ever since I got in the HWF, I've been the show. I've been the main event. I've always been in the spotlight, and I hate to see anyone else there. Also, I thought it would be nice to be a somewhat noble champion. I was going to be a prime example of greatness, and not be a fag and attack people from behind. Unlike some people I know......Extream, you are just making excuses for the mistakes you realized you made. You tried to get The Elite to jump me a few weeks ago. And now, you are claiming that you were drunk the night before or some mumbo jumbo, and you weren't involved. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it you who called me out, and infiltrated the whole attack? So don't bullshit a bullshitter. I've done it before too. Basically, you realized that you pissed me off, and that isn't a good thing. Well, mostly everyone else around here knew that. But you had to be the idiot. And that's ok. I was the one who challenged you. I gave you this opportunity. So it's not like I don't know what I'm getting into. I made you win some matches for two reasons. One....to get higher up in the rankings, and two...so I can study you. Hell, I even studied your old video tapes. I've been doing my homework. I know how you operate. And I'm pretty sure I can take you in this fight.
All of a sudden, a teenager taps The Icon on the shoulder. he turns around, and immediately notices the kid's t-shirt. It has a picture of Justin Storm, and it says "Hardcore Icon" on the bottom.
Justin Storm Fan-Hey, what the hell is your problem? Storm had that match won at Suicide, and you had to fuck it up.
J. Simon Rykopathe-The asshole deserved it. He just came to the HWF, and he thinks he's the "Hardcore Icon" already. He's not god, kid. And I doubt he'll ever be close. I had to teach him a lesson. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, is an Icon but me. He can think that, but that's all that it is. A mere thought in his mind.
Justin Storm Fan-You've got to be kidding me. You damn well know he could kick your ass any day of the week. He'll beat you for the World Title, and for the right to be called Icon.
J. Simon Rykopathe-For you information, kid, I didn't even accept the little match of his. To begin, the best he's done is cry in a court room. Secondly, he doesn't deserve a shot at me. And thirdly, this whole "Icon" Match is just a joke. You don't just win the right to be called Icon in a single match. That takes time. I don't have to walk into the arena week after week and call myself an Icon. I've proven it week after week after week. This isn't just a nickname. It's a reputation. So you can give that message to your hero.
Justin Storm Fan-Yeah, whatever. You're just a chicken shit.
J. Simon Rykopathe-You're a funny kid. You got guts. But if you were any other man, and not just a snot nosed brat, I'd drop you right now.
The kid gives a dirty look to Rykopathe, and then walks away. He nonchalantly starts to look around and throws items in his cart. After about a 3 minute search, he heads to the checkout line.
Sears Cashier-Well, we've got nails, wood boards, kerosene....what are you planning on doing with these items?
J. Simon Rykopathe-Ok, what does it matter? It's not your business anyway.
Sears Cashier-It's company policy to ask.
J. Simon Rykopathe-Ok, I'm planning on destroying something beautiful. If you want to understand more about that, order Parade of Cannibals 2. It's this Sunday. Oh, can you throw in 25 tables to the tab?
Sears Cashier-Um....ok. That'll be (bleeped out).
J. Simon Rykopathe-Damn! It's a good thing I brought my credit card with me. You take American Express, right?
Sears Cashier-Yes, we do sir.
J. Simon Rykopathe-Charge it then. As for you cameraman, you can go now. I think you've done your job.
The camera fades to black, as Rykopathe is handing his credit card over to the cashier.
(Cut back to the arena)
Tim: Alright folks, the ring has been set to HWF standards… It's time.
(Out of nowhere, "The World Is Not Enough" by Garbage hits the PA. The crowd is shocked, not knowing what to do.)
Tim: Could it be?
(Stepping out from under the HWF-Tron is the former HWF World champion is Michael Trey! The crowd erupts cheering for Michael, who is wearing a neck brace.)
Jeff: It's Michael Trey!!! He's back!!!
Tim: Unbelievable!!!
(Michael walks to left, climbing the stairs to the announce booth. Trey shakes hands Tim and Jeff, taking a seat and grabbing a head set.)
Tim: Welcome back, Michael!
Michael: Glad to be here.
Jeff: Man, where've you been?
Michael: Jeff… well, let's just say it's been a rough couple weeks.
Tim: I hate to stop you, but we've got to get to the main event.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the MAIN EVENT!!! *crowd roars* This is also a FOUR PITS OF PAIN MATCH FOR THE WORLD TITLE!!! There are four fits around the ring. One filled with thumbtacks, the second with razor blades, the third with fluorescent lights, and the final pit filled with rubbing alcohol!!! *crowd roars* Introducing first, the reigning HWF Heavyweight Champion of the World… "THE ICON"…J…SIMON…RYKOPATHE!!!
(The crowd goes absolutely insane, chanting "ICON". "New Noise" by Refused hits the PA as orange and green pyro explode from the entranceway and flames from the top of the HWF-Tron. The lights strobe back and forth from orange and green, illuminating the entranceway. The silhouette of a champion appears in the entranceway as "The Icon" steps out of the pyro. The crowd cheers even more as Rykopathe raises his arms, allowing the World title to dangle from his hand. Rykopathe walks down the aisle, allowing the fans to touch him. He climbs up the ring steps and enters the ring. He immediately calls for a mic.)
Icon: Tonight, in this very ring, Extream and I are going to sacrifice everything we have to prove to each other what we have to offer. We've both got nothing but respect for one another, but that won't stop me. I'm still gonna hurt him, and it's going to be a match for the record books, as I've said earlier. Now Extream, I told you that I was going to take you to the
limit. Well, I've changed my mind. I'm not going to take you to your limit. (crowd boos) In fact, I'm going to take you beyond it! I've got a whole battle plan arranged in my head, and all boundaries are covered. Once you step into this ring tonight, there will be no turning back. So you had better take a minute to think about what you are getting into before you
rush out here. I am in my prime. I am the World Champion, the top cheese. Your prime was quite awhile ago. Do you still think you have what it takes? I'm not saying that you suck, because we all know that you don't. Extream, this is what I am going to do. You saw me go to Sears Hardware on Thursday night, right? Well, I bought about 20 tables, and I know just
where I want to set them up. Plus, I added a bit to some of them. Crew, set em up!
(About 15 men come running down to the ring, and start pulling tables out from under the ring. They set up one table in each pit, and four in each corner of the ring. All of those tables have nails sticking through the bottom of them. Then one man starts to pour kerosine on each pit table. Then they run to the rampway, and set up a stack of 3 tables on the side of
the entrance. Then they make their way to the back. One man runs to the top of the rampway, and lays a ladder down.)
Icon: Do you see all of this, Extream? Do you see what I have planned for you? Oh, this isn't the end of it. I've got assorted weapons scattered about. And I know where every single one of them are. You see, I didn't come here with my head down. That's not the case at all. I developed a full-fire strategy that is sure to give me the victory. That is, if I play my cards right. Who knows? This may just backfire on me if I don't get some moves off. We'll just have to find out. So let's not keep the people waiting, and get the fuck out here!
(The Icon throws down the mic and puts his fists up, waiting for Extream.)
Jeff: Good lord, folks… If you don't have your VCR recording already, go get a tape! Tape over the old WCW tapes from 97 when they actually had a mediocre telecast!
("Killing in the Name Of…" blasts upon the PA as a cloud of smoke fills the entranceway. Extream appears in the smoke, wielding a chair. Extream walks down the aisle, as the fans cheer. He climbs in the ring as the bell sounds.)
Tim: Folks… get ready.
(The bell sounds as every person in the Elk's Lodge is standing on their feet. Extream sits the chair down on the mat and walks to the center of the ring. The Icon comes to the center and the two begin to stare into each other's eyes. Extream is just a bit taller, perhaps not even an inch. Rykopathe and Extream continue to stare, slowly walking backwards. The two begin to circle around and then come together and lock up. Rykopathe takes control and backs Extream into the ropes. The Icon nails a right hand to Extream. Extream returns the favor. The Icon nails another. Then Extream. The two rock each other back and forth as Extream backs Rykopathe into the ropes.)
Jeff: These guys are trading heavy blows.
(Extream attempts a whip but The Icon reverses. Extream goes into the ropes. As the Icon ducks down, Extream stops and applies a standing head scissors. Extream lifts the Icon up for a powerbomb and runs towards the ropes. Extream powerbombs Rykopathe right into the pit of razor blades!!! The Icon crashes through the table in the pit, pierced with nails. He lands in the razor blades and lets out a blood curdling scream of pain.)
Tim: Good God!!!
Jeff: He's dead! He's dead!!
Michael: Holy crap! The Icon is definitely taking some major bumps tonight!
(Rykopathe slowly crawls out of the pit and falls to the floor. His black HR tee shirt is shredded, revealing his lacerated back. Blood flows freely down his back, and small little holes from the nails can be seen. Extream bounces off the ropes and begins running towards the Icon. He jumps onto the top rope and springboards off. Extream nails a big splash right onto the back of Rykopathe!! Extream quickly rolls off, holding his ribs.)
Jeff: Uh, oh. Extream hurt himself.
(Extream climbs to his feet, grabbing the head of Rykopathe. He pulls The Icon up and whips him towards the ring post. The Icon runs jaw first into the pole as a thud echoes through the arena. Extream goes over and pulls the Icon up to his feet. The Icon nails a low blow and pushes Extream between his legs in a standing head scissors. The Icon lifts Extream up and turns, powerbombing him right into the thumbtacks pit!!! Extream screams as he breaks through the table.)
Tim: OH MY JESUS!!!
Jeff: Oh my Jesus? Dude, don't copy my Oh My Gods.
Tim: Copy? You ever heard of Joey Styles?
Jeff: Damn you!!!
Michael: You two done?
(The Icon grabs a handful of tacks and grinds them into the face of Extream!! Extream yells in agony as he falls out of the pit to the floor. His tight green shirt is littered with thumbtacks, sticking into his back. The Icon pulls a book of matches from his pocket and lights a match. He drops it into the pit of thumbtacks as the pit lights on fire from the kerosine.)
Tim: The thumbtacks are on fire!!
Michael: Man, I miss this stuff.
(The Icon puts the matches back in his pockets as Extream nails him with an uppercut. Extream then gets up and grabs the head of the Icon and jumps back and plants the Icon on the cement with a face buster! Extream then gets up and pulls Rykopathe up. Extream tries to hip toss the Icon into the pit, but the Icon blocks it. The Icon lifts Extream up and hits a spinebuster into the pit!!!)
Michael: Spinebuster!!! Extream is hurting!
(Extream yells as the flames are put out underneath him. The Icon climbs onto the ring apron and begins to run. He dives off with a somersault senton bomb, but Extream gets out of the pit! The Icon crashes into the tacks, and immediately rolls out. Both men are lying on the cement, each riddled with thumbtacks.)
Jeff: They're human pin cushions!!
(Extream slowly crawls around the ring to where the fluorescent tubes are. Extream grabs a tube, getting to his feet. The Icon has staggered to his feet and limps around the ring. Extream winds up and smacks the Icon with the tube, as the light shatters. The shards of glass rain on top of the Icon. Extream grabs another tube, putting it underneath the head of the Icon. Extream gets on the ring apron and jumps off, nailing a guillotine leg drop on the Icon!!! The light shatters under the Icon's head, as Rykopathe rolls on the ground, revealing blood coming from the back of his head.)
Michael: Rykopathe is taking a beating!
(Extream gets back up, grabbing a chair from ringside. Extream unfolds it and sets it in the center of the floor. He then takes a handful of fluorescent tubes and places them on the seat of the chair. Extream pulls the Icon to his feet. Extream then hits a drop toe hold, sending the Icon face first into the light covered chair!!! The Icon screams in pain and he holds his face. Extream then reaches into the pocket of the Icon, grabbing the matches he had before. Extream lights a match and drops it on the table in the light pit. The table ignites as Extream pulls the Icon up.)
Tim: Not again!
(He rolls him into the ring and follows after. Extream starts to put Icon into a standing head scissors, but the Icon nails another low blow. The Icon pushes Extream towards the ropes and out onto the apron. The Icon goes out and applies a standing head scissors. He lifts Extream straight up and falls off, piledriving Extream through the flaming table, with nails going through it, and into the fluorescent tubes!!! The crowd chants "HWF!" as both men lie in the rubble. The flames are put out on the impact of the move.)
Jeff: OH MY GOD!!!
Michael: HOLY SHIT!!!
Tim: DAMNIT!!! You guys take all the good ones…
(Moments pass as the Icon slowly gets out of the pit. His back is completely bloodied. He stumbles out onto the ground, then gets back to his feet. He pulls Extream by the hair around the ring, towards the pit of rubbing alcohol. The Icon tosses the bloodied Extream into the alcohol!!! The crowd gasps as the alcohol actually fizzes as Extream hits. Extream screams in pain, jumping out of the pit as fast as he could possibly jump.)
Michael: My God, that has to hurt like hell!
(The Icon laughs as he grabs Extream by the hair and begins to walk up the aisle. The Icon throws Extream into the railing headfirst as Extream collides violently. Out from the back comes The Icon's friend, Jesse Suicide!)
Tim: It's Jesse Suicide! The Icon's friend!
(Jesse is holding a flaming chair, which he hands to the Icon. The Icon says something to Jesse and Jesse nods. The Icon then sets the chair on the floor, grabbing the ladder. He sets the ladder up against the HWF-Tron. He then picks the chair up again and begins to climb the ladder.)
Jeff: Where is he going?!
Michael: Just think about it, Jeff… This man has balls and he's gonna show it.
(Suicide grabs Extream by the back and lifts him up and struggles to get him on top of the second table, in the stack of three. The Icon has climbed on top of the 18 foot high HWF-Tron, now towering over everyone.)
Tim: He's insane!! Don't do it !
(The Icon runs from one side of the Tron to the other and leaps off, placing the chair by his side ala Mick Foley. Extream moves out of the way as the Icon crashes through the three tables!!!)
Jeff: OH……..MY………GOD!!!!
(Jesse Suicide is shocked, looking on at his friend. The Icon is completely out of it at the bottom of the tables, completely shattered. Suicide tries to help him, but EMTs rush out to help The Icon. They pull the stretcher right to his side, pushing Jesse back. As they try to put the Icon on the backboard, Extream dives on top of the Icon.)
Tim: Extream is taking the easy way to victory!!!
Michael: Don't win it like this!
(The referee, who was trying to help The Icon, is forced to count. ONE……..TWO…….THREE!!!! The referee reluctantly raises the arm of Extream and hands him the World title.)
Tim: NEW CHAMPION!!!!
Michael: What a horrible way to win the title.
Jeff: Either way, we've got a new champion!!!
(Out of the back comes Lance Sterling and Justin Storm. They attack the Icon who is unconscious.)
Tim: Stop it!! Get them out of here!!!
(Storm and Sterling drag the Icon up as Sterling picks the Icon up and hits the Director's Cut!!! School House Rocks comes running out and takes out Storm and Sterling.)
Michael: School House Rocks is here!!! This is insane!! We've got a war on our hands!
Tim: Fans, we're out of time!!! We'll see you next week on Suicide!!!
(The EMTs finally begin to help the Icon as the camera zooms in on Extream, hugging the world title on the ground.)