Tim: Welcome to this week's edition of Saturday Suicide!

Jeff: We have three great matches planned for you tonight!

Tim: Let's get right to it!

(The instrumental "Break on Through(to the Other Side)" by the Doors plays. Like an amusement park mirror, the strength and speed of Sticks and Stones, Breakage, step through the curtains and walk to the ring, dripping in grease. Sticks then gets a mic.)

Sticks: Rykopathe, or 'The Game' as you referred to yourself while drawing a map to your own creative impotence, get your turkey baster ass in this ring with the jabberwocky R-Job and play with us!

(Stones then takes the mic, receiving more reaction from the crowd; louder boos and more enthusiastic applause.)

Stones: J. Simon Rykopathe, the joke of an Icon, I hope you have a nice bed reserved for you in a hospital with hot nurses, because that's the last time you'll get any kind of chick touching you after we beat the pretty from your face!

("Black" by Sevendust plays as Rykopathe comes down the aisle but halfway down the aisle, 'R-Sin' floors him with a clothesline to the base of the skull, with a forearm pad loaded with a wrench. He drags Rykopathe to the ring, tosses him in, and follows with a chair. Sticks and Stones have chairs of their own. Stones smacks Rykopathe in the back of the head, knocking him into Sticks' Rip-Cord DDT onto a steel chair. A Bonebreaker, then a pin attempt.)

(1....2....3!)

(Stones grabs a mic.)

Stones: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you all to Breakage's long time friend, associate, and raging lunatic; Tallei!

(He tugs the mask from R-Sin half off, tugs again but it appears to be stuck. Tallei swings his arms uncoordinatedly until he grabs a lace in the back and tugs. The mask undoes, and he stands in messy-haired glory.)

Tim: Damnit! It was all a hoax... Rykopathe has been SCREWED! We'll be right back...

(Commercial)

(Note: I'm sorry to say the Nocturnus / Lukas Williams match will only be a summary, due to the fact I am suffering from the flu and don't have the energy to type it up... If you're wondering, I wrote the card kind of backwards...)

Both men started out strong, with Nocturnus taking the early advantage. After sending Lukas Williams into on rail, Lukas fell right into the floor, landing on top of the rail. It was speculated his received a 'stinger' in his neck, as he was temporarily paralyzed. Nocturnus didn't feel so compassionate to Lukas, as he went on to severely attack him with numerous chair shots. Lukas got his second wind, taking Nocturnus to the whoopin` shed... (Excuse the idiotic JR expression) Lukas used many high risk moves, almost nailing his double underhook piledriver finisher - Lukas-Pukas. It was reversed into a back body drop from Nocturnus. Nocturnus took the final momentum switch, as he unleashed the devastating DDT, "Impurity", then ultimately won the match after the hanging suplex into piledriver, a.k.a. "Eternal Darkness".

(Commercials)

(The words "Go Away" blare over the speakers as Godsmack's "Whatever" plays. The lights go out and the green and blue strobe lights flash all over the arena. A loud and bright explosion hits at the top of the rampway drawing the fans' attention. As the smoke clears nothing is at the top of the ramp but McShane is standing in the middle of the ring, hockey stick in hand. His head is down and he begins to spin in the ring. He throws his hands in the air and screams.)

Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the MAIN EVENT!!! *cheers* This is a HOCKEY STICK MATCH!!! *more cheers* Introducing first... "THE REVOLUTION" BRIAN MCSHANE!!!

("Islander" plays as NYI walks out and raises his hockey stick to the crowd. He walks to the ring, gets in and climbs to one of the corners and holds his arms up, hockey stick in hand.)

Howard: ...and his opponent... NEW YORK ISLANDER!!!

(Howard dives from the ring. The bell sounds and the men begin to circle, but "Pollution" by Limp Bizkit interrupts them.)

Jeff: What the...

(Both men, the audience... EVERYONE turns to the aisle, looking for the culprit. Only they find the "Vicious One", "Vicious" Vic Williams! Dressed in street clothes, Vic walks down the aisle with his music blaring, the fans chanting "VIC-IOUS" over and over. Vic pulls a mic from his pocket.)

Vic: Don't fret you guys, I'm not here to beat the living hell out of you. I'm just here for some quality commentating!

(Vic turns off the mic and walks around the ring, towards the booth.)

Jeff: H-h-he's coming over here?!

Tim: Yes, Jeff. He's going to sit right next to you, also...

(Jeff begins to weep, as Tim laughs. Vic makes his way beside Jeff, taking a headset. He puts it on, as the bell sounds once again. Vic takes a seat, as McShane and NYI lockup.)

Vic: Well, well, well... The Vicious One is here to save this sadly commentated show by showing you how it's done!

Jeff: I think our commentating is great... We have high ratings in the...

Vic: Shut up! Please, spare me your gibberish. Nice clothesline by NYI.

(NYI whips Brian McShane to the ropes and follows it up with a jumping knee to the face. Brian hits the mat and rolls out of the ring, near the booth.)

Tim: Uh, oh...

(Suddenly, the mysterious man that has been attacking wrestlers throughout the night grabs Vic from behind, evidently sitting in the front row, right behind the commentators.)

Man: I was, but screw it, I don't need wrestling.

Vic: That's right, your a complete wash-out, we all knew I kicked your ass back in the
day, and you are afraid of me.

Furor: Screw you, I could make it if I wanted.

Vic: Prove it, if you really think you can still handle this fed, then you should make a deal with the devil himself, "Vicious" Vic Williams!!!

(Furor, takes the form and signs it, and hands it back to Vic.)

Vic: I guess you better get your ass in the gym, and cut some of booze Furor, next week we got a match, I'm challenging McShane and Extream for next Suicide. I'll let you two set the stips.

(The Furor sits back down in the front row, as Vic leaves ringside walking to the back. Meanwhile, NYI is assaulting McShane in the crowd.)

Jeff: Didn't Extream retire?

Tim: Hell, I thought so...

(NYI throws McShane into a sea of fans, knocking down a few. NYI dives on top of McShane with a fury of rights and lefts. NYI gets off, dragging McShane with him. The two begin to brawl some more in the crowd, as a disruption takes the crowd's attention.)

Tim: What is it?

Jeff: It's a guy... Hey, isn't that the guy named Kiefy Scoot?

Tim: Yeah, it is! Look at his sign, though!

(Scoot is seen carrying a sign through the crowd, reading "The REAL Revolution" with an arrow pointing to himself.)

Jeff: Brian McShane isn't gonna be too happy about that!

(Speaking of McShane, he gets a second wind and lays stomps on the back of NYI. Kiefy Scoot is standing right behind him, ready to attack. He nails McShane with... with the sign?! A loud sound echoes through the arena, as Scoot rips the sign apart, revealing a shattered panel of glass! The glass is pouring on to the cement floor, but Kiefy is soon in it as a result of an attack by new comer, Demolition Dave!)

Tim: Kiefy Scoot LEVELED McShane with that horrendous glass panel shot, but now Demolition Dave is beating the CRAP out of Kiefy!

(Both NYI and McShane are lying on the floor, trying to get up. Demolition Dave picks a handful of the shattered glass and throws into the eyes of Kiefy!!! The crowd goes insane, chanting "H-W-F".)

Jeff: OH MY GOD!!!

Tim: Kiefy is blind! His face is gushing blood!

(Kiefy retaliates with an uppercut and then begins to assault DD. The are both busted open, shards of glass sticking out of their flesh. They fight back into the concession area, finally out of sight. They both take turns with the dealing out of punishment.)

Jeff: What a rivalry we may have there!

(NYI and McShane are back up, brawling once more. NYI brings McShane back to ringside, flipping him over the rail. He follows after McShane and rolls him into the ring. NYI then throws the ring apron up, pulling out a table. He slides it into the ring, then does himself. McShane begins to get up, as NYI finally reaches for his hockey stick in the corner. McShane is dazed, turning to face the blunt end of the stick! The stick splinters into pieces, not to mention busting the hell out of McShane's skull.)

Jeff: OH MY GOD... AGAIN!!

Tim: McShane is dead! McShane is dead!

Jeff: *whispering* Damn you, that's my line...

(NYI doesn't feel good enough yet, so he walks to McShane's corner, taking the other hockey stick in hand. NYI unleashes the fury, repeatedly nailing McShane in the back with the stick. NYI brings McShane to his feet, while using the hockey stick for extra fun. He places the stick across the neck of McShane, ala Sandman with the Singapore cane. NYI instead falls back, driving the stick into the throat of McShane will a reverse DDT! The stick breaks in two from the impact.)

Tim: Holy crap... I don't think McShane can breathe!

(NYI, feeling it's time to end it, begins to set up the table. He pulls it close to the ropes, then sets McShane on the top rope. NYI climbs to the second rope, but not satisfied, he climbs to the top. Wobbly, he carefully puts McShane into a standing head scissors. NYI lifts him up and falls back, with the Long Island Drop, through the table!!!)

Jeff: HOLY SHIT!!! A top rope piledriver a.k.a. the Long Island Drop! Did I say that on TV!?

Tim: Yes, you did.

Jeff: Oops.

Tim: No time for apologies, NYI is going for the cover!

(1.....2.....3!)

Jeff: What an impressive victory for New York Islander!

("Islander" plays as the ref raises the hand of NYI. NYI rolls out of the ring and walks to the back. On his way down the aisle, Vic Williams runs by him, carrying a ladder! Vic shoves the ladder into the ring and gets in. He then plays to McShane, dragging him to his feet. Vic then nails the 3D (reverse Russian leg sweep) on to the ladder! Vic gets up and taunts McShane, who isn't moving. "Pollution" plays as Vic continues his assault on McShane.)

Tim: This is out of control!!! Goodbye, folks! We'll see you next week!

(Fade out)

-= Backstage Interview from President §uperstar =-

(HWF Interviewer, Tony Bradshaw, is standing by with President §uperstar with his word on the Vic situation)

Tony: President §uperstar, you obviously heard Vic and Furor challenge Brian McShane and Extream. It's also know that Extream has retired... What's your say on this?

§uperstar: Well, Tony... Vic and Furor WILL fight next Saturday against the team of Brian McShane and Brian's partner of choice. Extream has left the HWF and is no longer apart of this federation, so he cannot compete in the ring.

Tony: There you have it, Vic Williams and Furor team to fight Brian McShane and a mystery partner, next week!

(Fade to black, as Chaz begins to walk away.)