 October 30, 1999
(Fade into Saturday Suicide. An animation begins, as an animated man stands atop a large building, a busy city down below. The man spreads his arms and lets himself fall off the building. The man hits the pavement below, and as the camera shot grows closer and closer, easily visible in the puddle of blood around the man are the words "SATURDAY SUICIDE". The animation ends as the fans begin to cheer. Inside the Elk's Lodge, the lighting structure above the ring explodes in fireworks, making a ring of fireworks, each one lighting the next. A loud boom shakes the arena, beginning the Suicide theme of "When Worlds Collide" by Powerman 5000. The New York crowd cheers wildly for the return of the HWF. As the mayhem ensues, the curtain ruffles and out walks the Artist Formerly Known As Hornet, President §uperstar. Dressed in blue jeans and a "HWF: Hard 2 The F'N Core!" t-shirt, with his short, blond hair gelled up. He gets in the ring as the music continues to play, and he takes a microphone from ring announcer, Howard Penzer. The music slowly fades until not heard and §uperstar brings the mic to his mouth.)
§uperstar: *yelling* QUEENS, NEW YORK!!! WELCOME TO SATURDAY SUICIDE!!!!
(The crowd of around a thousand plus jump to their feet and go nuts, beginning a chant of "H-W-F...H-W-F...H-W-F!! §uperstar smiles at the reaction and begins to yell over them.)
§uperstar: I won't give you people all the history, but I will just tell you this: The HWF is back and STILL HARD TO THE F'N CORE!!!
(§uperstar quickly drops the mic as "When Worlds Collide" plays once more for his exit. The fans settle down a bit, as we head over to ringside, where the commentary crew of Tim Miller and Jeff Robinson are located.)
Tim: WELCOME EVERYONE TO THE HWF's SATURDAY SUICIDE!!! I'm Tim Miller and with me is my partner, Jeff Robinson!
Jeff: We are packed to the rafters in the Elk's Lodge in Queens, New York for the return of the Hardcore Wrestling Federation!
Tim: How good it feels to be back home, right Jeff?
Jeff: You betcha! Finally, the Old Lady is back at home and I get paid to tell my story on television! Whoo-hoo!
Tim: For over six months, we were on hiatus, but FINALLY the HWF is back! And what a better place to be held than right here in Queens?!
Jeff: I've got to admit, this crowd is pumped!
Tim: Tonight, we've got four great matches scheduled. Our first match will be the HWF debut of "The Icon" J. Simon Rykopathe facing a former HWF employee, Stinger.
Jeff: While Stinger was here only a short while, he still has the experience edge over The Icon.
Tim: Let's get right into this and head to the ring, with ring announcer Howard Penzer.
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to introduce the combatants for the first HWF match since the reopening! *cheers* Introducing first... STINGER!!!
("Come With Me" hits the speakers and the crowd roars with excitement. Stinger walks out wearing black tights with "Stinger" written down one side of the leg. He walks slowly down the ramp, flexing his muscles and smiling to the crowd. He slides threw the bottom rope and looks out to the crowd. He steps on the second ropes and flexes again. He asks for a mic)
Howard: ... and his opponent... "THE ICON" J. SIMON RYKOPATHE!!!
(The Icon walks down to the ring in his usual attire. He's pushing a cart with him filled with weapons. I can see a Nintendo, pieces of wood, a cane, a garbage lid, a stepping stool, as well as other random objects. Black by Sevendust is blasting through the arena. The Icon gets in the ring, and sits on the opposite turnbuckle. Some fans cheer "Icon...Icon..." as others are booing him.)
Jeff: Both men are in the ring, as Penzer is out, so I guess it's go time!
(Stinger and Icon circle on another. They lock up. Stinger backs the Icon to the ropes and whips him to the opposite side. Stinger ducks early as Icon flips over him, trying to bring him down. Icon finally gets Stinger over and the ref counts. 1...2 Stinger flips up and covers. 1...2 Icon rolls over and hooks both legs. 1...2 Stinger kicks out. Icon brings Stinger to his feet and kicks him in the gut. Icon hooks and arm and hits a vertical suplex. Stinger stays down, as Icon quickly mounts the second rope. He dives across and drives an elbow to the ribs of Stinger. Icon covers. 1... not even a 2 count.)
Tim: Both guys are trying to wear the others out with multiple pinning combinations.
Jeff: Looks like they're taking it to the outside...
(Icon grabs Stinger by the hair and throws him through the ropes to the outside floor. He waits for Stinger to get up and slingshots himself on top of Stinger, who catches him! Stinger falls back and drives the jaw of Rykopathe into the steel rail. They both are on the cement, trying to catch their breath. Stinger is the first up and he brings Icon to his feet. Standing head scissors into a piledriver from Stinger on the outside!)
Jeff: HOLY CRAP! Simon's head went straight into the cement!
(Stinger gets back up and walks towards the timekeepers. He shoves their papers off and drags the table over near the rail. He props the table between the ring and the rail, as he walks back to Rykopathe. Stinger catches a low blow from Icon, as Rykopathe takes control. Icon scoops up Stinger and takes him towards the table. Icon puts Stinger on the table and climbs to the ring apron. Rykopathe thinks for a second, then climbs to the top rope! The crowd really cheers, waiting for something good to happen.)
Tim: We're see something big here!
(Icon points to Stinger and leaps off the top, trying for an elbow drop. He connects with Stinger... AND the table! The crowd goes nuts as the table shatters into 4 or 5 pieces and the wrestlers bounce off the concrete.)
Jeff: What guts shown here early by the Icon!
(Icon begins to get up, just as Twister is seen coming from the back. The crowd turns its attention to Twister, as does Rykopathe. Twister stops in the aisle, exchanging some looks with the Icon. Meanwhile, Stinger has gotten to his feet and grabbed a chair from ringside. Twister motions for Icon to turn around, as he does. SMACK!! Stinger levels Icon with the chair shot.)
Tim: Twister has come out and possibly cost Icon the match! Stinger's going for the cover.
(1...2...NO!! Rykopathe kicks out at the last second. The fans explode, appreciating the effort from the Icon. Stinger looks to the ref in dismay, but quickly gets back to the offensive. Stinger brings Icon to his feet and whips him into the steel rail. Stinger runs towards Icon, but Icon back body drops Stinger into the first row of the crowd! The fans underneath Stinger are screaming, as their chairs are sliding out from under them. Rykopathe seizes the opportunity and runs towards Stinger and dives across the rail and flies into Stinger and the fans! The whole group of chairs collapse and they all fall to the floor.)
Jeff: Our first night and we're already going to get a lawsuit!
Tim: HWF at it's best!
Jeff: Twister is just staring at the fight...
(Icon and Stinger get out of the hoard of fans and battle on through the crowd. The camera loses them for a moment or two after tripping over the fallen fans, but then finds them brawling near the stairs to the upperdeck. Icon has laid out Stinger on top of a table on the floor, as he begins to scale the wall, grabbing on to anything to get up the deck. Finally Icon gets up and disappears for a second. He comes back into view, carrying a ladder!)
Tim: This doesn't look good for Stinger... or Icon for that matter!
(Icon sets up the ladder and begins to climb up as the crowd begins the HWF chant. Icon gets to the top rung and signals for the crowd to cheer. They do tremendously, shaking the camera from the rumble. Icon dives off the ladder and splashes on top of Stinger, completely destroying the table! The crowd goes insane as ICON slowly makes the cover. 1......2......3!!!)
Jeff: OH MY GOD! ICON has won it, here in Queens! What a hell of a move!
Tim: Rykopathe is insane!
(Twister just turns around and walks back out as Icon leaves, holding his ribs. He exits through the crowd he was already in, as they try to pat him on the back. Stinger is given medical attention, but he refuses to get help and slowly makes way to the back, stumbling a bit.)
Jeff: What a win for the new guy, Simon Rykopathe... Folks, we'll be back with more action!
(Commercial Break)
Tim: We're back everybody, on the HWF's re-debut!
Jeff: What match do we have next?
Tim: Can't you read your line-up?
Jeff: Line-up?
Tim: *sighs* Okay, maybe I'll just tell you what's coming up. We're going to have "Superstar" Johnny Drake against Death.
Jeff: I knew that...
Tim: Yeah, right... Take it away Howard.
Howard: Our next match is scheduled for one fall and, of course, no disqualification! Introducing first...
(The lights flicker on and off as the beginning of "Back that Azz up" begins to play. You can hear Juvenile start rapping after a few seconds and, as he does, smoke comes out from the sides of the curtains and Superstar Johnny Drake walks through it into the lime light. Red and maroon lights star to flicker on and off, giving the whole arena a weird techno look. The fans erupt as Johnny poses for the crowd, making sure to give them every single angle. He finishes up and starts walking to the ring, occasionally slapping some fans five. He gets to the ring and slides in it under the bottom rope. He walks to the farthest corner and gets up on the second rope. He raises one hand in the air and takes in the fan reaction. He hops on down and takes off his sunglasses. He gives them to the ring
Howard: "SUPERSTAR" JOHNNY DRAKE!!!
(The lights go out, and then "Cowboys from Hell" by Pantera begins to surge over the loud speakers. Then when the main riffs start Death walks out, and a huge wall of flames shoot out
Howard: ...and his opponent, DEATH!!!
Jeff: Both these guys are newcomers to the HWF, so it should be good to see how it goes.
*Bell sounds*
(Drake and Death circle and lock up, Death locks Drake in a side head lock. Drake backs into the ropes and throws Death off and into the ropes. Death comes back with a big boot for Drake, but Johnny catches the foot. He swings Death around and spears Death's standing leg, knocking him to the floor.)
Jeff: I don't think the human leg is supposed to bend that way!
Tim: Me either...
(Drake gets to his feet and drags up Death. Drake stomps away on the knee of Death, then applies a standing leg scissors. Death back body drops Johnny Drake over the top rope and he crashes to the hard floor. Death then falls to his knees, as his leg gave out.)
Tim: Superstar hit hard!
(Death slowly moves to the outside, sliding under the bottom rope. Death drags Drake to his feet and rams him face first into the steel rail. Death clotheslines Drake over the rail and hobbles over himself.)
Jeff: Here we go...
(As Death gets over, Drake grabs a fan's chair and throws it into the face of Death. The chair nails Death, busting open his eyebrow. Drake dives at Death, knocking them both back over at ringside. Johnny Drake picks up a chair and clocks Death over the head. Johnny struggles to pick the much bigger Death on to his shoulders and hits him with a modified Northern Lights Bomb, or as it calls it, the Stardust!)
Tim: What a move by Johnny Drake! It's all over now.
(Drake covers. 1.......2.......3!)
Jeff: Big win by "Superstar" Johnny Drake!
Tim: We'll be right back.
(Johnny Drake begins to leave as we leave to commercials.)
Tim: We're back and it's time for our 3 Way Dance!
(The lights dim as Dragula plays. A red spotlight hits the entranceway as Christian Hardcore enters the arena. He raises both arms to the crowd and then walks to the ring. He rolls into the ring and then sits atop one of the turnbuckles.)
Howard: The next match is an elimination-style Three Way Dance! Introducing first... CHRISTIAN HARDCORE!!!
(NYI walks out and raises his hockey stick to the crowd. He walks to the ring, gets in and climbs to one of the corners and holds his arms up, hockey stick in hand.)
Howard: One of his opponents... NEW YORK ISLANDER!!!
(The words "Go Away" blare over the speakers as Godsmack's "Whatever" plays. The lights go out and the green and blue strobe lights flash all over the arena. A loud and bright explosion hits at the top of the rampway drawing the fans attention. As the smoke clears nothing is at the top of the ramp but McShane is standing in the middle of the ring. His head is down and he begins to spin in the ring. He throws his hands in the air and screams as the opponents music plays.)
Howard: The last participant of the Three Way Dance... "THE REVOLUTION" BRIAN MCSHANE!!!
(Penzer gets out of the ring as the bell sounds.)
Tim: This should be a good one here! Former HWF Commissioner, Brian McShane, has come back to wrestle, as has New York Islander, who was also apart of the early HWF.
Jeff: Yeah, the only guy who isn't really familiar to us is Christian Hardcore.
(The three men stare each other down. NYI begins to pound on Christian as McShane joins in the brawl. Christian executes a Russian leg sweep on McShane as NYI nails an elbow to McShane. NYI and Hardcore team up on McShane for awhile, dazing him with all sorts of moves. McShane is lifted by Christian and powerbombed to the mat, just as NYI dropkicks Christian. NYI picks Christian up and powerbombs him to the outside, through a table!)
Jeff: MY GOD!! This match has barely started and Christian Hardcore is out of it!
(Brian McShane clotheslines NYI from behind and they all tumble to the outside, landing on Christian. Both are actually covering Hardcore, so the ref makes the count. 1......2.....3!)
Tim: Whoa! Christian is out this match!
Howard: Ladies and gentlemen, Christian Hardcore HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!
(A small pop from the crowd as the match continues.)
Jeff: Well, Christian was in there for about two minutes...
(NYI and McShane get to their feet and begin trading punches as Christian is forced to go to the back by the ref. NYI whips McShane into the rail, but McShane reverses at the last minute and sends NYI crashing into the rail. The rail slides back into the front row from the impact, as security guards quickly move the fans from the area. McShane picks up a chair from ringside as NYI charges back. McShane just throws the chair at NYI, who catches it. McShane tries to super kick the chair into NYI's face, but Islander ducks. McShane turns around, as NYI heaves the chair to McShane hits a spinning heel kick into the chair, knocking it right into the face of McShane!)
Tim: What a move by Islander!
Jeff: McShane is busted open!
(NYI grabs the chair and wails McShane over the head with it as he tries to get up. Islander drops the chair and brings Brian to his feet. NYI grabs McShane in a front face lock to DDT him, but McShane reverses with a Northern Lights Suplex onto the concrete with a bridge. The ref counts. 1......2.... KICKOUT! NYI kicks out at the last second.)
Tim: What a close call! I thought "The Revolution" really had him there.
(Both men lie on the ground, trying to regain their composure. McShane's nose is really gushing blood, his whole face red. It's now apparent NYI's head was busted open on the Northern Lights Suplex, as his long, brown hair is seemingly turning red.)
Jeff: We have a butt load of blood down here!
Tim: These guys are giving their all tonight, to show the world what they can do.
(NYI slowly gets up, a little faster than McShane. They both get up and trade punches, as NYI gets the upper hand. NYI applies a standing leg scissors and but McShane back body drops him. Islander hangs on to his legs and wraps him up for a pin. 1......2.....3!)
Jeff: New York Islander has won it! He sneaked right out of that reversal with one of his own and basically just surprised McShane and "The Revolution" couldn't kick out.
Tim: Did you just analyze a match? I'm speechless...
Jeff: Good, stay that way. We'll be right back with the main event!
(Commercials)
Tim: We're back and ready for our last match of the evening.
Jeff: What happened to the speechless thing?
Tim: Oh, shut up.
("Push It" by Static-X hits the speakers as the greatest athlete in professional sports appears at the top of the rampway. He receives hundreds of cheers from the fans even though he is a heel. The fans just love him! And he loves himself. He walks to the ring apparently overconfident. He jumps up onto the apron and hurls himself over the top rope with one swift jump as if he were a luchador. He then turns his complete attention to the crowd and starts to get them worked up.)
Howard: The next match-up is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first... JONATHAN LEE CHYLDES!!!
(The words "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me" blare over the PA system as Rage Against The Machine's "Killing In The Name Of" hits the speakers. The lights go out and the green and blue strobe lights flash all over the arena. A loud and bright explosion hits at the top of the rampway drawing the fans attention. As the smoke clears nothing is at the top of the ramp but Extream
Howard: ...and his opponent, the self-proclaimed "World's Most Extreme Man"... EXTREAM!!!
(Howard quickly dives out of the ring as the bell sounds.)
Jeff: Extream, a legend in the HWF realm, will go up against Jonathan Lee Chyldes. I've heard in the locker rooms that Chyldes isn't as new as we think he is...
Tim: What the hell does that mean?
Jeff: I dunno...
(Chyldes and Extream circle around the ring, seemingly taking their time to begin the fight.)
Jeff: What are they doing?
Tim: I don't know...
(Chyldes makes the first move and weakly hits Extream in the chest, as Extream over sells completely. Extream returns with a kick that doesn't even connect to JLC, but JLC keels over in pain. The crowd begins a chant of "BULL-SHIT!")
Tim: Well, we've got the crowd's input.
(Extream charges at Chyldes and clotheslines him gently, but JLC falls over. Suddenly, adding to the oddness of the match already, a man, his face painted black and white letters reading "TRUTH", begins walking to the ring, taking his time.)
Tim: Who is that, now?!
Jeff: *sighing* Good, God, this match is confusing...
(The man gets into the ring, as Chyldes and Extream look into his eyes, almost frozen, wondering who it is.)
Jeff: This guy sure is taking his damn time getting to the point.
(The man pulls a microphone from his leather jacket pocket and stares directly into the eyes of Extream, as he speaks.)
Man: You are resurrecting a past which shall not be unearthed, you and McShane, should drop the name, Elite, was a blood bond between you and the others. The skeletons of the past have not giving there blood rights to the use of the name, decease the use of the name, or a final
(The man mysteriously backs into the ropes and flips out, landing on his feet. He begins to back out of the aisle, but from behind "The Revolution" Brian McShane nails him with a forearm to the head. He kicks the man a few times before sliding in the ring. McShane exchanges from secret words to Extream, whispering into his ear.)
Tim: McShane has laid out that man and now he's sharing something Extream!
(McShane then walks to Chyldes and whispers something to him. Extream, McShane, and Chyldes all nod heads in agreement and then join hands and lift all their arms into the air.)
Jeff: What the...
Tim: Has Chyldes, Extream, and McShane formed an alliance?
Jeff: It sure does look like it!
(While they celebrate, the mystery man crawls to the back side of the ring. Extream leaves the ring first, followed by McShane. Chyldes begins to get out, but the mystery man slides in and spins JLC around. The man kicks him the gut and DDT's him into the mat. The man holds Chyldes head by his hair as he begins to write something with that face paint. McShane and Extream turn around half down the aisle, realizing Chyldes isn't with them. Seeing the mysterious man in the ring with Chyldes, they run to the ring, sliding in. Before they get to him, the man jumps over the top rope and exits through the crowd. Extream bends down to Chyldes, then his eyes grow large as the camera shows what the man painted on Chyldes's face: "TRUTH". Extream and McShane share odd looks as the camera fades out.)
|