 July 15, 2000
["Last Resort" by Papa Roach hits the sound system of the HWF Arena in Canton, Ohio. The echoes of "HWF" chants break through, even while we are focused on the black screen with the Saturday Suicide logo centered. We then go outside, where we see the busy streets of Canton in the background. Riding on horseback, the new team "The Oakley Brothers" come up the personnel entrance. A security guard stops the duo, as they stay on their horses.]
Security Guard: Oakley Brothers, I'm sorry but we can't have you ride those horses into the arena?
Jed Oakley: Wha not?
Security Guard: Please, sir, I cannot allow you to enter with the horses. Just leave the horses out here and we'll see to it that they are kept until you leave.
Fred Oakley: Get outta ah way, ya stupid sombitch!
[Neither parties will budge, causing the Oakleys to dismount their horses. They slowly walk to the security guard who is now questioning his better judgment. The cowboys then attack the poor man, beating him senseless with a barrage of punches and hard kicks with their cowboy boots. Fred then grabs the man by the shirt and throws him into the metal garage door, leaving the man to lie. The Oakleys step over him and fade to black just as you here...]
Jed Oakley: Ya dumb bastard!
[Fade into the raging HWF crowd, fists-a-pumping with the "HWF" chant. Tim Miller and Jeff Robinson stand in the ring, decked out in their normal suits.]
Tim Miller: Ladies and gentlemen... WELCOME TO SATURDAY SUICIDE!!!
[The fans cheer for the mention of the show.]
Tim: We're coming to you LIVE from... CANTON, OHIO!!!
[Huge pop at the mention of their hometown.]
Tim: I am Tim Miller and...
Jeff: ...and four out of five dentists agree that I am Jeff "This guy Trevor Lasek... He's running around with the Canuck... I don't quite understand, but his valet I'd like to FUCK!!!" Robinson!!!
[JEFF! JEFF! JEFF!]
[Tim is chuckling to himself as Jeff basks in the chant of his name.]
Tim: How... how am I supposed to go on after that?! Fans, we'll be RIGHT BACK!
[We fade to outside of the arena once again, this time to the front, showing The Canuck and Trevor Lasek behind a table. A crowd of people are gathered around them, as the two Canadians are selling "DickaLick" tee shirts. Fans are buying the things rather fast as the commercials come.]
[Commercials]
[Back from the break we are focused on the announce table where Jeff and Tim sit. The fans behind them desperately try to get on camera as Tim speaks.]
Tim: Before we get to our first match, we regret to inform you we will only have two matches here tonight. "The Dream" Scott Houston has no-showed his match for tonight for some reason. We apologize for any trouble this has caused, but we have a clip of Trevor Lasek's interview, earlier. Keep in mind, he didn't yet know of Houston's no-show.
[The clips plays and "EARLIER TODAY" shows in the corner. We find Trevor Lasek in the locker rooms.]
Trevor Lasek: You know Phah Q. has been doing quite well with his "Sucks Cock" T-shirt. But in my mind, the Canadian Version is way better. Already, we have three shirts already made and to sell. If you saw earlier, we were selling our "DickaLick" T-shirt that TC is wearing right now, our Official "Canadian Triad" T-shirt which are both 15$ American and 20$ Canadian I might add. And of course, the Canadian Edition of "Lance Sterling Sucks Cock" T-shirt, but there's only one, so that's not for sale. So here is the Canadian Edition of the "Suck Cock" T-shirt.
[Trevor grabs a bag from near his feet and opens it up to reveal the shirt that says "Lance Sterling Sucks Cock" in bold red Letters and on the back it has "Lance Sucks Cock" but in French. Some fans begin to cheer because of the shirt. Trevor then speaks.]
Trevor: So there ya go, Remember this shirts not for sale.
[End clip.]
Jeff: THAT is why this kid was in my opening spiel. I thought he used to be a little bitch, but now he's a clever bitch.
Tim: Yeah... ok...
[The lights in the HWF Arena slowly dim, and multi-colored strobe lights flash the sounds of "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by the Scorpions. The music blasts on the speakers, heralding the arrival of none other than the HWF's self-proclaimed greatest wrestler, and now one half of the tag team champions, Lance Sterling. Sterling, in his wrestling gear, walks out to a very loud chorus of boos and makes his way to the ring, where as usual he grabs a microphone from a bewildered HWF announcer]
LANCE STERLING: Helloooo...Canton, Ohio! You sons of bitches had better be ready for some REAL action tonight, because here tonight you all are going to see me kick the living shit out of that no-good little punk kid, Phah Q. Dickshine!
[A mixed reaction at the mention of Dickshine's name]
LANCE STERLING: Don't cheer that rat bastard! You people should all be cheering for a REAL wrestler, me! Face it, I'm one hundred times better than Dickshine... and about one THOUSAND times better than all of you fat, lazy bastards here tonight.
[He is met, of course, by a chorus of boos]
LANCE STERLING: Shut the hell up! I came out here tonight for a purpose OTHER than to insult you bums. I would like to take this time to announce that I am officially RETIRING...as a tag team champion that is. See, I did a lot of thinking and well, its just that I'm too GOOD for the tag titles. Just the fact that my name is associated with such a lowly belt is... well its an insult. So I am now officially forfeiting my half of the tag tam titles to none other...than my close friend and associate, Corporate Nightmare.
[The crowd boos even louder after this announcement and start loudly chanting "Sterling Sucks"]
LANCE STERLING: You people never learn, do you? Show me some goddamn respect, you ungrateful bastards! Is this how you treat a national hero?? I'm world famous, god damnit, and you assholes are going to show me the respect that I rightfully deserve, because I am much more than that damn good... because I am the greatest!
[The crowd erupts into chants of "Bullshit" now, and this really pisses Sterling off]
LANCE STERLING: Yes, you people are very much full of bullshit. You know, I bet all of you would just love to see me lose tonight, isn't that right? You'd just LOVE to see Dickshine get a win on me, right? Well...?
[As one single body, every fan in the audience screams at the top of their lungs "Hell Yeah!"]
LANCE STERLING: Well, you bastards it's not gonna happen. Tonight you'll all see your queer little hero, Dickshine, get what's coming to him. That little punk is dead when I get my hands on him. Here, tonight, I'm going to end his stupid charade once and for all, and here tonight I will prove one again why I am, without a shadow of a doubt, THE GREATEST!
[Without another word his music hits the speakers and Sterling climbs to the top rope, raising both hands in the air. He is met, of course, by boos. He scoffs at the crowd and exits the ring, and proceeds to walk back to the locker room as some of the fans start to throw drinks and other refuse at him.]
Jeff: So Sterling has given his half of the tag titles to Corporate Nightmare? Ah, Sterling is so kind and giving... I bet he's a really big donor of organs and savior of not cared for children... don't ya think?
Tim: Yeah, the cockiest man in the HWF is a great guy... Geez.
Jeff: There! You're starting to come around, buddy.
[The camera cuts to the parking lot as it shows a red car pull up.]
Tim: Who's that?
Jeff: Dunno.
[The crowd cheers as the camera pans up and shows Jayson Starr and Vinny Vile. They step out and begin talking as they walk into the building.]
Tim: It's Triple V and Jayson! They're here! We'll be right back!
["Cowboys from Hell" erupts over the loud speakers as clips of fight scenes from old John Wayne movies explode onto the HWF Tron. Jed and Fred Oakley clad in cowboy gear walk side by side down to the ring. They each climb to a top rope in a corner of the ring and make rude comments to jeering fans.]
Tim: This is a debut match for all three tag teams tonight, so this is a definite stepping stone for the winner.
Jeff: I put this is the nicest way possible... these are some weird ass teams!
Tim: They're not your everyday guys, I can tell you that.
["Faith" blasts onto the speakers as "You Gotta Have Faith" appears on the HWF Tron. Zack and Jim Faith walk to the ring, accompanied by Tara. The two play to the crowd getting a bit of applause and enter the ring.]
Jeff: Faith? How weak...
Tim: Give them a chance!
["Eye of the Tiger" hits the PA as the final team, The Wild Birds appear from the back. The Distorted Penguin and The Great Snowbird walk down the aisle, cheered on by the fans. In the ring, the Oakley brothers have attacked Faith. The Birds see this and run towards the ring, diving in.]
Tim: And here we go!
[The three teams go nuts, making it a six man free-for-all. After a few minutes, they separate and the referee gets control of the match. Jed Oakley and The Distorted Penguin start the match as the rest of the men in their respective corners.]
Jeff: These Oakley Brothers are pretty cool... it's about time we got some worth-while tag teams.
[Jed and Penguin lock up and battle for the offensive. Jed turns it into a side headlock on the Penguin. Penguin quickly backs into the ropes and shoves Jed off and across the ring. Jed hits the ropes and bounces back. Penguin drops to the mat and Jed skips over him, into the ropes again. Penguin attempts a leap frog this time around but is caught in mid air by Jed. Jed drills him into the mat with a nasty spine buster.]
Tim: Ouch... What power from the Oakley brother!
Jeff: I told you these guys were good.
Tim: Have you ever seen them wrestle?
Jeff: Well... no, but they hate the fans... Can't be that bad.
Tim: Geez...
[Jed pulls Penguin to his feet and whips him to the ropes. Jed ducks over and catches Penguin with a huge back body drop. Penguin impacts hard but manages to dive, making the tag with his partner, the Great Snowbird.]
Jeff: The Snowbird is in.
[Snowbird ducks and oncoming clothesline from Oakley and grabs a rear waistlock, taking him over with a German suplex. Both men are back up quickly, Jed is extremely surprised. They lock up and Snowbird gets control. He trusts Jed into a standing head scissors and attempts to lift him up but the other Oakley, Fred, has entered the ring and hits a running forearm to the head of Snowbird!]
Tim: hey! Get him out of there.
Jeff: Oh shut up.
[The referee gets into the face of Fred Oakley, telling him to get out of the ring. Fred is almost laughing as the referee is turning red. While the ref's back is turned, Jed hits a low blow on the Snowbird then hook on a front face lock and his leg, connecting with the Cowboy's Suplex (Fisherman's Suplex).]
Tim: Low blow! Cowboy's Suplex! C'mon, ref... TURN AROUND.
[Jed covers Snowbird and Fred sees this, immediately pointing it out to the referee. The ref runs and slides to make the count. Fred catches an oncoming Distorted Penguin and the two trade blows.]
One......Two......Three!!!
Tim: That's ludicrous! The Snowbird is out of this match because these Oakley brothers are cheating!
Jeff: Oh, just cry about it!
[The referee informs the Snowbird he must go to the back. Snowbird rolls to the outside and is escorted to the back by other officials. Fred and Jed are double teaming Distorted Penguin in the corner with a fury of punches. Zack and Jim have had enough and enter the ring and jump the Oakley brothers from behind. The four then turn around, leaving the Penguin out of it in the corner. Jim Faith and Jed Oakley brawl in the corner while Zack and Fred do the same.]
Tim: This match has broken into chaos!
Jeff: Yes! Whoohoo!
Tim: You're helpless..
[The referee gets Zack and Fred separated and makes Jed Oakley and Jim Faith the legal men. Snowbird, Fred, and Zack are all in their separate corners. Jim Faith has the advantage over Jed Oakley, punching him into the turnbuckle. Jed grabs Jim and turns him around and nails a kick to Jim's mid section, causing him to drop on the mat, seated in the corner. Jed takes a few steps back, then runs toward Jim and catches the bronco buster! After a little show boating from the Oakley Brother he tags in his brother, Fred.]
Jeff: The Oakleys are well in control here.
Tim: Yeah, cheating makes things pretty easy.
Jeff: Yep.
[Fred steps in and grabs a dazed Jim from the corner, pulling him to his feet. Fred drills him with a few right hands, then whips him into the Oakley corner.]
Tim: This isn't good at all!
[Fred grabs the referee and turns his back to Jed in the corner, who applies a vicious rear chin lock on Jim. Zack is outraged and runs across the apron with a flying forearm, knocking both he and Jed to the cement floor.]
Jeff: What a cheap shot from Faith!
Tim: What?!
[Fred sees his plan didn't go exactly as he had hoped and lets the referee go. Fred then charges at Jim who catches him with a big boot. Fred is rocked back and then clotheslined to the mat. Jed and Zack brawl on the outside, while Penguin is rested up on the apron. The ref yells to Jed and Zack to separate but is stopped when Jim Faith covers Fred. He slides to the mat.]
One......two.....kickout!
Tim: Almost!
[The ref holds the two fingers to clarify as Jim quickly goes back to the offensive. Jim whips Oakley into the ropes and ducks too soon, being caught with a large boot from Fred Oakley. Oakley then applies a standing head scissors and wraps around his waist, lifting him onto his shoulders. Fred takes a moment then sits down connecting with a killer sitdown powerbomb!]
One.......two......three!
Jeff: Yes! The Oakleys are the only full team left!
[Before Fred can get up, he's caught with a dropkick to face from the now-legal Distorted Penguin. On the outside, Jed and Zack are in a full fledged brawl, now spilling onto the announce table.]
Jeff: Hey, hey! Get out of here!
[Jed grabs a glass of water from Tim and holds it above his head.]
Tim: Hey! Give that back!
[Jed laughs and pours the water all over Tim! Jeff is hysterically laughing as Tim is enraged. Jed laughs before shattering the glass on the forehead of Zack, sending shards flying everywhere.]
Tim: Watch it! This is out of hand!
[Zack is bloodied from the glass, as the referee sees this and rushes to the outside. He jumps into the face of Jed, taunting a disqualification. Jed seems very lax at the referee's demands, continuing to punch the open wound on Zack's forehead. Inside, Fred is in control. He has Penguin on the mat. Fred goes to his corner and picks his cowboy hat off of the mat, underneath it is a bottle of whiskey. Fred holds it into the air to the boos of the crowd as Penguin staggers to his feet and right into the oncoming whiskey bottle!!! The glass shatters everywhere as Penguin drops to the mat. He falls to the mat and hooks the leg, yelling to the referee.]
Jeff: Get in the ring, ref!
[The referee sees the pin and slides in.]
One......two......three!
Jeff: Yes! The Wild Birds are gone!
Tim: *to Jed* Stop it! Enough is enough, cover the man!
[Jed has one of the television monitors, ready to strike the bloodied Zack Faith. He goes to swing it at him, but Tim grabs a hold of it, trying to stop him.]
Tim: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!
Jeff: Dumb, dumb, man...
[Jed is enraged by Tim's actions and drops the monitor. He grabs Tim's shirt collar and pulls him towards him, striking him with a huge right hand to the face!!! The fans erupt in cheers just to see the good announcer get belted but Jed fingers them all, turning it to boos. Tim slumps to the railing, out cold.]
Jeff: Tim's dead! Thank you, Lord!
[Jed then grabs Zack by the waist and rolls him into the ring. Fred is ready and pulls him to his feet and bends behind him, lifting him onto his shoulders. Jed gets onto the apron and climbs the turnbuckle. He reaches the top then leaps off with a flying clothesline, clotheslining Zack off the shoulders of Fred!!!]
Jeff: Code of the West!!!
[Fred puts his cowboy boot on the chest of Zack and the ref reluctantly counts, still a bit confused on all the glass in the ring.]
One......two......three!!!
Jeff: Yes! They've done it! The Oakley's have one! Whoo!
[The crowd is jeering incredibly loud, even throwing garbage at them!]
[The camera cuts to backstage and shows Lance Sterling striding down towards the ringside area. He walks past a corner and goes through a door.]
Jeff: There's Lance! He's the greatest.
[The camera then pans AROUND that corner, and it shows "Violent" Vinny Vile. He seems to have been watching Lance, and he doesn't have quite a happy face on.]
Jeff: It's Vinny! What's gonna happen next?!
[Commercials]
Jeff: Fans, we're back... Unfortunately, after Tim was taken to the hospital with a thought-to-be broken cheekbone, the schmucks sent out this retard...
Tony: Nice to see you, too.
Jeff: God, I hate you.
Tony: Alright folks, now it's time for our Main Event. Featuring Lance Storm, and Corporate Nightmare taking on Phah Q. Dickshine, Ace Curtis, and The Saint. It was orignally slated to have Blaze on Sterling and Nightmare's team, but as you saw earlier, he is no longer wih us.
Jeff: Yeah. And there's some real weird alliances in this one, we'll have to see how it pans out.
["I Want Candy" By Bow Wow Wow plays over the PA. The camera looks over the crowd we see signs that read "Luni For President." "Free Candy!" "Luni Juice." Chants of "I Want Candy" is heard through the arena. The music begins to get louder and louder, as the song hits the chorus line "I Want Candy," fire works explode as "The Lunatic" Ace Custis runs out doing flips. The crowd goes crazy, the chants begins to get louder and louder. He wears a "Heavens Gate" shirt with black tights and white letters on each leg that read "L-S-D." He wears yellow boots which glow off the lights that begin to flicker. Luni stops on the ramp and begins to throw out peices of paper, which calls candy. As the lights flicker, Luni begins to run down to the ring slapping everyones hand. He jumps on the ring and does a flip over the ropes. He stands on the top turnbuckle as red, green, orange fireworks stream through the air.]
Tony: Ace Curtis folks. . .what kind of fed are we running here?
Jeff: L-S-D!! L-S-D!! L-S-D!!
Tony: Jeff!!
Jeff: Huh?
["9 Teen 90 Nine" By Limp Bizkit plays through the arena. The young ladies in the crowd begin screaming loudly, as most of the men boo, as we see Phah Q. Dickshine at the top of the entrance stage, holding a chair in his left hand. His brown hair with bleach blonde weaves is spiked up neatly, with his earrings taken out. He wears a white "wife beater" muscle shirt, black elbow pads made by "Trace," black Kik wear pants that are EXTREMELY baggy, and black Asics wrestling shoes. As the music gets heavy, Phah Q. Dickshine throws his arms in the air, with the chair, and begins to run down the aisle. Arriving the ring, he clears the way, and begins to run the ropes. As he gets to the middle, he does a roll, shoot up in the air, and holds his fists up. Spotlights of barbed wire shine on the canvas, as "9 Teen 90 Nine" comes to a slow end, with the Fred Durst singing, it begins fading out.]
Tony: Two-thirds of team one is out here. We're just awaiting The Saint.
[The Light in arena fade to black. Then on the HWF Tron, you see the Saint high above the Roxy in Boston, Mass. Crucified upon the cross with blood covering his body. Then "Pisschrist" by Fear Factory begins to play. The HWF Tron now fades to black for a two seconds. Then in purple writting, you see the phrase, "Beware the Shadows of Dusk" flash on the screen. Then as the song kicks in, the screen flashes to a setting sun and purple lights began to flash about the arena. Now on the screen are clips of the Boston Deathmatch. The clips are of the Saint being beaten badly by Burton Alder. It shows about ten clicks over and over extremely fast. Then all of a sudden it all stops. The flashing lights, the HWF Tron, all stop and go right to black. The arena is all in blackness for 5 seconds. Then a single spotlight shines down on the Saint. He stands just through the entryway with his black baseball bat on his shoulders and his arms over it. His face covered by his frosted blonde hair and he has a barbwire crown upon his head. He is wearing black and white camo cut off shorts, with a green and yellow Sepultura shirt with the sleeves cut off. As he stands there, you hear part of the chorus of the A Perfect Circle song "Judith" play. "He did it all for you." Then it goes right to the end of "Pisschris. The phrase, "Where is your savior now?" is said over and over as he makes his way down to the ring with the bat still on his shoulders. The back of his shirt says, "What were you thinking...What a wonderful world...YOUR FULL OF SHIT.. He gets to the ring and takes the bat off his shoulders and rolls in the ring. He stands in the middle of the ring and does the Jesus Christ pose as the arena goes black again. Then they come back on and the Saint waits for his opponent.]
Jeff: Well, a full team is out here. Now we're awaiting Nightmare, Blaze, and of course, Lance Sterling.
[The lights go out and as soon as the music hits Heather walks out to the stage and then looks up at CN's video on the big screen. CN walks out, goes to one side of the stage and raises his hands in the air. He walks to the other side of the stage and does the same thing. Heather and CN lock arms as CN walks to the ring and shakes hands with a few in the crowd. CN leaves Heather ands rolls under the bottom rope. Heather walks up the ring steps, CN sits on the ropes for her, and she gets in. CN gets on his knees in the middle of the ring, does a pose, and Heather stands above him. The fireworks hit, the music stops, and the lights come on.]
Tony: Nightmare looks in the best shape I've seen him since joining the roster.
Jeff: Yeah, I bet he does. . .
Tony: And what does that mean?
Jeff: You know. . .
Tony: No, I don't know, but I do know that the only man not out here is Lance Sterling.
Jeff: Oh yeah!! The Greatest is finally back in the HWF Arena!! Where is he? Where is he?
[The arena's lights fade to black, and as multi-colored strobe lights begin to flash "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by The Scorpions hits the PA system, heralding Lance Sterling's entrance. After around thirty seconds of the music, Sterling appears in front of the curtains in his wrestling attire: black tights with golden trim, black elbowpads and kneepads, white wristbands, and black boots with gold-colored laces. Sterling pauses and, with his hands on his hips, looks around at the crowd, which proceed to greet him with a chorus of boos. Sterling slowly walks towards the ring and as soon as he climbs in he walks to its center and raises both hands in the air in a pose of victory, garnering even more boos from the audience, as his theme music fades out.]
Jeff: Oh hell yeah!! The Greatest live and in your face!! You can ring the bell right now, because it's over!!
Tony: What's over?
Jeff: The other guys'. . .um. . .match, maybe. . .
Tony: Oh yeah, that made sense. Lance is probably real proud of you.
Jeff: SILENCE!! Lance is about to wrestle!
[On one side of the ring, Nightmare and Lance discuss something amongst themselves. A few seconds go by and Lance steps out of the ring. Nightmare turns around and faces Dickshine, who's the odd man in for his squad. Nightmare charges at Dickshine, who counters with a drop toe hold onto the middile tunrbuckle. CN is quick to his feet though. He stands up and takes a right hand from Dickshine, then one from Ace Curtis, and then one from The Saint. Nightmare is now stumbling around the ring. Dickshine plants a swift kick to his stomach and locks him in suplex position. From there, he hooks CN's right leg and picks him up vertical. Dickshine walks around the ring for a while and then drops down with a stiff-ass fisherman's buster. He turns to Sterling and flips him off. Sterling tries to get into the ring but the ref stops him.]
Tony: Whoa! It looks like Dickshine's playing a few minds games with your man Jeff.
Jeff: He's not my man! He's just The Greatest!
[Dickshine picks up Nightmare and irish whips him to the ropes. CN reverses it and throws Dickshine against the cables. Dickshine comes off and gets caught in a tilt-a-whirl slam. He lands sort of weird on his head, making Curtis hop into the ring to check on him. As the referee tries to get Curtis out of the ring, Sterling hops in and they start double teaming Dickshine. They bring Dickshine to their corner, and Sterling lifts him up in a bear hug/flapjack type position. nightmare gets onto the second rope and signals to the fans. Sterling lifts Dickshine up so he is perpendicular to the mat and Nightmare comes off of the ropes with a Front Flip Neckbreaker. Sterling sits down with it and attempts a pin. The ref turns around and slides in.]
[1....2...KICKOUT!]
Tony: Finally, we're gonna see Dickshine and Sterling go at it!
[Sterling gets Dickshine to his feet and brings him to the corner. Sterling starts laying in some fast kicks to the abdomen. He brings Dickshine out of the corner, and attempts a suplex. Dickshine floats over the back and turns Sterling back around. He lifts Sterling up into a fireman's carry and quickly drives him down into a Michinoku Driver 2.]
Jeff: HEY!! That's the Icon Bomb!! Where'd he learn that?
Tony: I don't know but since J. Simon has been gone, I guess it's fair game.
[1...2...KICKOUT!!]
[Dickshine gets up and runs to the corner. He tags in "Luni" Ace Curtis and they start laying in stomps to Sterling. This brings in Corporate Nightmare, who attacks Dickshine. Nightmare lays in right hand after right hand after right hand. He flips off the crowd and then winds up. He attempts another right hand, but is caught by The Saint, who has just snuck into the ring. The Saint quickly swings CN around and kicks him. From there, The Saint grabs Nightmare in a front chancery and picks him up for an implant DDT.]
Tony: Lookaway DDT!!
[The ref forces The Saint and Nightmare out of the ring, as Dickshine and Luni continue the attack on Sterling. Luni grabs Sterling and crotches him on the top rope. Dickshine scales the ropes, in attempt of a superplex. The ref runs over and starts tugging on Dickshine's pants, trying to get him off of the ropes. The camera cuts over to Nightmare, who has grabbed a steel chair. As Dickshine's being pulled away, Luni starts to climb the ropes and Sterling. Nightmare takes a quick look at the referee and then smashes the steel chair against the skull of Luni. The crowd let's out a big "OHHHHHHHHHH" as the ref turns around to see what happened.]
Tony: This ref is not doing a good job keeping everything fair tonight.
Jeff: Can you blame him? You have five guys in there that are willing to do anything to win this match.
[The ref questions Nightmare as Sterling gains his composure and gets up onto the top rope. He points down at Luni and then flips off Dickshine. Sterling, then, jumps off the top rope with an amazing Shooting Star Press. He hits it and stays on for the pin.]
Tony: Academy Award on Ace Curtis!!
[1....2....KICKOUT!!]
Jeff: How do a man of Sterling's size do that? Even I can't believe my eyes!!
Tony: Yeah, and you're the biggest Sterling mark I've ever seen.
Jeff: Just shut-up, will you. . .
[Sterling gets up and yells "STERLING SLAM!!". He, then, picks up Luni and throws him against the ropes. Luni bounces off and Lance lifts him into the air with a picture perfect gorilla press. Luni kicks his legs a little and then slips out, hooking Sterling in a rear chancery before falling onto his back.]
Tony: What a counter into that Inverted DDT by Ace!
[Just then, the camera cuts back to show Vinny Vile and Jayson Starr watching the match on a television. Jayson gets an angry look on his face, then Vinny says something to him and they get up and walk out of the camera view.]
Jeff: Hey, what's Vile and Jayson doing?
Tony: I don't know, but this match is getting intense!
[The camera is now on the ring, where Luni is trying to crawl to his corner. Sterling leans over and tags in Nightmare, just as Ace tags in The Saint. Both men hop in and run full speed at each other. Nightmare goes for a clothesline, but the Saint catches him and thros him over his head with a T-Bone Suplex. Sterling gets back in and goes for a high knee. The Saint ducks at and then grabs Sterling in a bear hug. From there, he launches Sterling over his head with a beautiful Belly to Belly Suplex. Lance drops down and then slides out of the ring. The Saint picks up Nightmare and tags in Dickshine. Phah Q. scales the ropes as The Saint puts down CN with a backbreaker, so that he's perpendicular to the corner. Dickshine yells something and then leaps off the ropes, coming down with a HUGE legdrop onto Nightmare. He goes for the pin.]
Tony: Oh shit! It's over!!
[1.....2........KICKOUT!!]
[Dickshine, who seems to be favoring his backside, tags out to Luni. Sterling slimbs onto the arpon and tries to get Nightmare to tag out. Nightmare is not moving though, until Luni comes over and picks him up. Luni grabs him in powerslam position and runs half way across the ring, before dropping it into a Michinoku Driver 2. He tries for the pin.]
[1....2.....KICKOUT!!]
Jeff: Nightmare and Sterling have to slow the pace down if they want to have any chance of winning this thing.
[Luni gets Nightmare to his feet and then whips him to the ropes. As Nightmare bounces off, Sterling tags himself in. Luni goes for a clothesline, but Nightmare ducks and bounces off the other ropes. Sterling hops in the ring and tries to clip the leg of Curtis, just as Nightmare hits a High Leg Clothesline. Nightmare drops down onto his back and rolls out of the ring, as Sterling gets to his feet as well. Sterling picks up Luni and then drives him back down with a scoop slam. He walks over to the corner and spits in Dickshine's face, who just stands there looking at Lance. Lance comes back to Luni and picks him up, while laughing at the crowd.]
Tony: Lance certainly isn't gonna win any popularity contests here tonight.
Jeff: Who cares? When you're as great as Sterling is, you don't need fans!!
[Sterling hooks Luni in a front chancery and takes him down with a swift DDT as points to the crowd. The crowd boos like crazy as Steling picks up Luni. He sets him in a fireman's carry. Sterling quickly reverses the fireman's carry into a suplex, right into a brainbuster. Sterling tags out to Nightmare. Nightmare comes as Luni is staggering to his feet. Nightmare whips Luni to the corner. Luni hits the corner, chest first and slowly staggers back. He turns around as Nightmare gets ready. Luni fully turns around as Nightmare hits the Nightmare on Elm Street, a standing sidekick, on Luni! Luni falls as Nightmare puts his foot on Luni's chest.]
[1.....2......]
[Dickshine nails Nightmare with a forearm to the back. Nightmare turns around and faces Dickshine. Heather walks up on the apron, distracting the referee. Nightmare is thrown a Tag Team Title belt. He nails Dickshine in the head with the belt and slides it out of the ring. Nightmare covers Dickshine, but before Heather can get down off of the apron, Luni nails Nightmare with a sliding baseball slide to the head. Nightmare rolls over and Dickshine covers Nightmare as Heather doesn't notice it, and hops down off of the apron.]
[1.....2.....KICKOUT!!]
Tony: What a close cover... but isn't Dickshine the illegal man in the ring?
Jeff: Legal? Illegal? What's the difference?
[Nightmare slowly crawls over to the corner and tags in Sterling. Sterling enters the ring like a train, clothelining everyone that gets in the way. First Dickshine, then Luni, then the Saint. Dickshine quickly sneaks up behind him and nails him with a low blow. Sterling falls down to the mat hard. Dickshine picks Sterling up by his hair, when just then, a reving noise is heard]
Tony: What the hell's that??
Jeff: Not a clue.
Tony: Do you EVER have one?
Jeff: Screw you!
Tony: No thanks, I'm allergic to obsessive chronic gayness.
Jeff: Grr...
[The reving is heard again, just when "Whatever" by Godsmack hits the PA. The crowd is confused, not knowing what's going on.]
Jeff: Who's music is that?
Tony: I dunno.
[Just then, a red 2000 edition Pontiac Firebird comes driving through the entranceway and down the aisle.]
Tony: Whoa!
[The camera switches angles, and shows that inside the car... is Jayson Starr and Vinny Vile. The Firebird stops at ringside, as everyone in the arena and inside the ring are in awe. Vinny and Jayson hop out of the car, Jayson weilding a wooden baseball bat, and hop in the ring. The crowd cheers, as the music dies down. Jayson instantly gets up in Lance's face with the bat, and Vinny does the same.]
Jeff: I think they're pissed off of what Lance and Blaze did to Mike Javelin last week.
[Lance and Jayson begin echanging foul words back and forth, up in each other's face. Jayson shoves Lance backwards, and Lance immediately pushes right back.]
Jeff: I don't think they like each other.
Tony: Gee... I would've NEVER guessed...
Jeff: Yep. That's why I'm here.
[Jayson holds up the bat in hand and readies it for Lance. He then swings, but at the last second, shifts to the side and hits VINNY over the head, breaking it in half!!!!!!]
Jeff: HOLY SHIT!!
Tony: What in the HELL?!!
[The crowd boos at seeing this, as Dickshine quickly runs up to him with a clothesline. Jayson thinks fast and ducks it, catches his arm, hooks both of them.. jumps and hits Dickshine with a Full Nelson into Sitting Knee Smash!!!]
Tony: Shatter Starr!
Jeff: What the hell's going ON!?
[Because Jayson hit Dickshine, the referee tells the ring announcer to ring the bell. The bell rings, signaling a disqualification. Everybody quickly jumps in the ring, but Dickshine's team quickly gets dismantled. Luni gets thrown over the top rope onto the outside by Nightmar. Nightmare walks over to Saint and starts going at it... but Nightmare gets the upperhand and clotheslines him over the top, sending him to the outside also... leaving Corporate Nightmare, Lance Sterling and Jayson Starr standing inside the ring, with Triple V and Dickshine out on the mat.]
Tony: I don't like the look of this...
[Lance walks to the ropes and yells for a mic. The ring announcer holds it up to him, and he snatches it out his hand. He walks over to Dickshine who's laying on the mat, slowly stiring. Lance straddles him and gets up close to his face, while talking into the microphone.]
LANCE STERLING: Dickshine, I told you before that if you got on my nerves, I would kick your sorry ass. Now I've done just that, you rotten son of a bitch. I don't know who the fuck you think you are, trying to fuck around with me, but you just paid the price.
[Sterling smacks Dickshine in the face with the microphone a couple of times]
LANCE STERLING: Now you listen, and you listen good, boy. I'm through playing these goddamn games with you. Here tonight I beat the living shit out of you in front of all these assholes who thought that they would see ME get beaten...
[Crowd starts to boo, but Sterling ignores them. He hits Dickshine with the mic again for good measure]
LANCE STERLING: Maybe this will teach you to mind your own goddamn business. Consider this a warning, you bastard. The next time I get my hands on you, this will seem like nothing at all. Next time you try to fuck around with me I'm going to give you the ass kicking you rightly deserve. Why? Because I'm more than that damn good, I...AM THE GREATEST!
[Yet another strike with the microphone, followed up by a slap to the face and then some hard stomps to Dickshine's gut. Sterling then turns around to look at Jayson Starr]
LANCE STERLING: And you, just who the fuck do you think you are? Nobody asked for YOUR help here! As a matter of fact, Starr, you're lucky I don't drop you right here and now. In fact...I think I'll give you just what you deserve...
[He turns around, facing away from Starr]
Tony: He's gonna do it! Sterling's gonna beat the hell out of Starr!!
Jeff: Serves him right for interfering in Sterling's match; Sterling didn't need Starr's help, after all he IS the greatest!
Tony: Riiiight....
[Sterling quickly turns around, but instead of hitting Starr, he extends his hand! Starr looks at him for a moment and then returns the favor, grasping his hand and giving him a firm handshake]
Tony: WHAT IN THE HELL?!? Tell me I'm not seeing this happen!
Jeff: You're seeing it! Sterling and Starr...are working TOGETHER!!
Tony: I don't believe this!
[Sterling smiles to the crowd and hands the microphone to Starr, perhaps to have him give an explanation for his actions here tonight. Jayson flings the hair outta his face, then brings the mic to his mouth.]
JAYSON STARR: Boy, that was fun wasn't it?
[The crowd erupts with boos and chanting "Jayson sucks!!"]
JAYSON STARR: Hey, what's with this? Just a minute ago you were cheering me. Now boos? What's up? What, I'm not good enough anymore? Well, I understand. But ya know what? FUCK YOU! I don't give a shit!
[Even MORE boos from the audience]
JAYSON STARR: That's right. I couldn't care LESS about ANY of ya. I'M "HWF's Hardcore Hero", not any of you pathetic, pitiful, sorry excuses for human being... Canton shitheads.
Tony: This can't be happening...
Jeff: I knew about this all along!
Tony: Yeah, right.
[The "Jayson sucks!!" chant grows louder, almost deafening]
JAYSON STARR: SHUT THE HELL UP! Your boos don't mean shit to me. Ya see, I sided with Lance here.. cause it was the intelligent thing to do. The X-Tremists are falling apart, not to mention they totally SUCK anyway... and Lance is steadily taking over the HWF. No, he may not be anywhere NEAR "the greatest", but he's pretty damn good. And with people watchin' my back like Corporate Nightmare and Lance Sterling, I can't lose. So all of you can kiss my ass, a new era has begun!
Tony: Oh my God!! Jayson has affiliated himself with The HWF's Finest!
[Jayson laughs, as "Whatever" by Godsmack hits the PA again. He tosses the mic down, and lifts his fists into the air, as the lights quickly cut out in the arena.]
Tony: OK, this is getting real old.
Jeff: This better not be the same idiot from last week.
[The lights begin to flash on and off in an almost strobelike effect, starting slowly but building faster within seconds. All the men in the match turn to the entryway, waiting to see what happens. A voice booms over the loudspeakers...]
"YOU'VE FORGOTTEN..."
Jeff: What?!
Tony: Could it be?!
[The lights go out for good. "Sleep Now In The Fire" by Rage Against The Machine begins to play over the PA. The guitar starts alone, the arena still dark. Then the drums kick in and red and silver lights flash crazily all over. You hear Michael Trey scream "SLEEP NOW IN THE FIRE!" and the entire band begins to play as the HWF-tron explodes into flames as Michael enters the arena!]
Tony: MICHAEL TREY IS BACK!
Jeff: That worthless champion. He hasn't even shown his face since he won that title.
Tony: I think that's about to change...
[Michael steps out holding the HWF World Title over one shoulder and a mic in his opposite hand. He strides out to the middle of the entryway as the first verse continues. He speaks over the music.]
Michael Trey: At King of Violence, I lit this damn federation on fire. I became the number one contender to the newest title in HWF history. I took back the World Title which is rightfully mine... and then I nearly died. But Justin Storm, Lance Sterling, Jayson Starr, John Justice, and The Saint all made one mistake.
[The crowd, commentators, and wrestlers all look at Trey, waiting.]
Michael Trey: You assholes didn't finish me off.
[The chorus beats kick in again and pyro goes off, flames going all around Trey! He stands there in the middle of the ring of fire, smiling that now infamous grin. The pyro ends, and Michael drops the mic and rushes to ringside, after Saint and Sterling.]
Jeff: Look out Lance!
[Trey runs down to the outside, past the Firebird and begins to deliver mad punches to Saint. Sterling is laughing it up on the inside as Nightmare looks disgusted at what has happened. He hops out of the ring, grabs his Tag Team Title, and walks up the ramp. He reaches the top and turns around. He grabs a mic.]
Corporate Nightmare: You know, ever since I first joined this federation, I have been nothing but a joke. Lance, you never thought I had what it took to be a contender... I was nothing but a joke, a lackey, another Vinny Vile. But that's all different now. Sure, I helped you out, but you just fucked it all up by letting that reject, Jason Starr join. What's Starr got? Nothing. He has yet to ever hold a title in this fed, and he's been in here as long as you and Justin have. But Sterling, you know something? In the words of the great Eminem, I just don't give a fuck...
["Last Resort" plays over the loud speaker as the lights dim and blue smoke rises from the entrance way. "Big" Doug Styles steps forward with his arms crossed. He stands in the middle of the isle for a moment then steps aside and Russell walks out with his arms in the air holding a bottle of "Absolut" Vodka. The people are going crazy with boo's, as trash is tossed towards Russell and lands in the isle. Russell steps beside Nightmare and stares him down. Styles stands next to Russell.]
Tony: Oh shit, there's gonna be trouble with these two. You've heard them exchange words in the past week in their promos, now it's finally gonna go off.
[Russell raises his hand to punch Nightmare, but instead, puts out his hand as Nightmare shakes it. They hug as Nightmare begins to speak.]
Corporate Nightmare: You all really think that myself and Adam were fighting? Hell, we're two of the best friends. Lance, you remember TBS don't you? You remember TNG? And most of all, you remember the Empire, don't ya? Well, those all link somewhere down the road... and tonight is the night that the HWF realizes the power that we hold.
[Russell grabs the mic.]
Adam Russell: But now, Dickshine, get your fucking ass up here, I want to shake your hand. You are one hell of a wrestler.
[Dickshine slowly walks up the ramp, not sure whether or not to shake Adam's hand. He faces Adam as Adam's left hand is extended, Vodka bottle in the right. Dickshine puts his hand out and as they are shaking, Russell raises that Vodka bottle and busts it over Dickshine's head, busting open Dickshine's head in the process. Dickshine falls as Russell begins to kick him in the stomach. Rusell picks up Dickshine and ties his arms back. Russell then proceeds to choke Dickshine out with his own arm. Russell then quickly snaps Dickshine's head back, nailing the choking hangmans neckbreaker! Russell picks up Dickshine and grabs him by the torso. He tosses him down the steel ramp as Dickshine just misses hitting Starr's Firebird.]
Corporate Nightmare: And finally, Michael Trey, the man who supposively "sleeps in the fire". Well kid, I've got news for you, you ain't the only man who plays with fire...
[The lights cut out as Nightmares says those words. A voice is heard over the arena.]
"WHY DID YOU FORGET?"
["Bent" by Matchbox 20 hits over the speakers. Pyros go off everywhere as a man emerges from them. He has on a pair of black pants, black boots, and has on a black Slipknot t-shirt. The man is wearing the other HWF Tag Team Championship around his waist. His hair is a dirty blonde color and is hanging back, about mid-back length. The man walks out onto the ramp. Michael Trey has now snuck back into the ring. He grabs Starr by the tights and tosses him over. Trey grabs Sterling and nails him with a kick to the stomach. Trey then powerbombs Sterling to the mat hard. Trey then proceeds to kick Sterling out of the ring. Trey then notices the man standing at the top of the ramp.]
Tony: Is that who I think it is?
Jeff: Oh shit... that's fucking Flame!
Tony: No way!
Jeff: That's him alright.
[As the lights are still cut down, to a semi-dim, Nightmare grabs the mic.]
Corporate Nightmare: You don't think I had a plan, huh Trey? Let me introduce you to a man that likes fire more than you, his name? None other than the baddest motherfucker alive today, Flame! As we make up the most elite group of men in this federation, the next generation of HWF superstars... we are TNG! The Next Gen!
[Suddenly, the Saint stands up and runs up the ramp at the members of TNG. Russell cuts him off with a kick to the stomach. Russell motions for Nightmare to walk over. They grab Saint's head and nail a monster brainbuster DDT onto the steel. Saint falls, holding his head as Flame just looks on. Nightmare grabs Saint by the head and drags him down the ramp. He tosses him into the ring as he stares down Trey. Trey slowly exits the ring, letting Nightmare beat the shit out Saint. Nightmare whips Saint into corner. Saint slowly turns around. Nightmare goes for the Nightmare on Elm Street as Saint ducks and kick Nightmare in the stomach. Saint picks up Nightmare for a powerbomb. Saint walks over to Starr's Firebird and goes to powerbomb him. Nightmare quickly reverses the move into a hurricanrana, right onto the car. Flame begins to walk down the ramp as does Russell. Russell gets into the ring as does Flame. Nightmare tells Russell to get on the top turnbuckle. Russell follows orders as Flame gets up on the other turnbuckle by the car. Flame nails a Torrential Hellstorm, a frogsplash, as at the same Tonye, Russell nails a flying leg drop across the throat of Saint. The impact dents the car hood as the windshield cracks and shatters. Saint rolls off, holding his ribs.]
Tony: What a move!
Jeff: What is up with these men? They are outstanding.
[Russell grabs Saint and drags him over to the trunk. Russell opens the trunk and tosses Saint in as Flame gets in the driver's seat. Flame turns on the car as "Highway to Hell" by AC/DC hits out of the car. Russell closes the trunk as Flame takes off up the ramp. He turns left at the top of the ramp and revs up the car in park. He puts the car into first gear and runs off of the side of the ramp. Flame jumps out as the car crashes to the floor and explodes on impact, knocking Flame back a few feet. Russell and Nightmare walk up the ramp and help Flame up. They slowly hop down off of the ramp and try to get in the car. Flame opens the car door, as if not harmed by the fire. As they open it, Russell and Nightmare have a look of fear on their faces, as the Saint is no where to be seen. The members of TNG look around the arena as suddenly "Pisschrist" by Fear Factory begins to play. You can hear the words "Where is Your Savior Now" over the arena as Nightmare, Russell, and Flame have a look of fear on their face. The cameras then fade to black and to the HWF logo.]
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